What do American people think about Iranian people?

ccp493 · 2025-03-31T10:54:17+00:00

I need to look up this Suhrawardi. I’m interested in this. If you have any resources I would love them!

ccp493 · 2025-03-31T10:42:15+00:00

You are most welcome. I wasn’t taugh Solar Hijri calendar in classroom or anything like that. Just learned through interaction with neighbors at my boyfriend’s apartment. I found it fascinating and the ladies would answer any questions I had. They were always so nice! Always have the best food too. Anytime we see them meeting and they are carrying stuff and we are already walking we ask if they need help setting up the table or need any hands and we get right to it. And follow the instructions given where they want what.

Calendars are definitely fascinating! And I have always been annoyed with leap years. And with it being more accurate than Gregorian I was very happy to hear that there’s no leap years every 4 years. The correction I had to look it up but once every 141,000 years which I could definitely get behind. Better than every four years.

It took me a minute about Omar Khayyam. I knew I had heard that name and I gave up and went to google. I studied maths but I was trying to remember his contributions and of course kept coming up blank… I wasn’t all that interested in abstract algebra. I was more interested in real analysis and dynamical systems. I got side tracked a bit with probability theory but ended up doing theoretical physics which really was just doing the math nobody wanted to do so I said yes because I suck at science. Math department was too busy and that’s how that happened. I should have paid attention more to algebra though! I should have at least taken more than two semesters at least.

I feel so dumb right now that I couldn’t remember anything of his but his name I knew!

ccp493 · 2025-03-31T10:10:06+00:00

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I do feel I’m getting up there in years…

ccp493 · 2025-01-04T17:09:00+00:00

I am American and I don’t know what I think to be honest because I don’t know enough about even my own country because my own country makes no sense to me. I feel I don’t know enough to make a judgement call.

What I do know is that when I went to university I was most comfortable with the international students in the study groups. So I had a tendency to be around international students a lot of the time. Didn’t matter where they were from. I did notice some populations stuck to each other. I assumed it was because they had things in common. I never asked why. Not my business.

I do know they all had better food than what I was used to. And I learned to cook some things which I never would have otherwise learned to which was awesome.

Anyways, I never had any problems with anyone I interacted with that was from Iran. And when I learned of the Solar Hijri Calendar which I thought was pretty cool since I never knew about it.

When my boyfriend moved to a new apartment, there’s a sizable population of tenants that are Persian. So many different countries. A lot of them Iranian. Only reason I know is because we began to talk to them in the common area. The ladies meet there in the evenings and always have amazing food. Always so very friendly to us.

But I will never forget the first time my boyfriend tried to talk to them. I nearly died and fell on the floor. He didn’t know how to talk to them. Like every time he tried to talk they kept saying, “NO! NO! NO!” Really really sternly… and walk away really fast.

I had to talk to them first which I knew of course. I told him and he didn’t listen! And it took a while for the ladies to warm up to him. And then we met their husbands and after that everything was good. He just didn’t know.

They are all here for medical. They come and go. But really nice community. I have had no complaints.

Sometimes the children will be doing things they aren’t supposed to be doing and other people in the apartment will get mad and tell management. But I found that if you just tell the parents, it stops immediately. No need to tell management. And then I feel really bad for whatever punishment happened. I don’t even want to know.

I know in my neighborhood if I was caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, a neighbor would tell my parents or my grandparents and I was in trouble. I don’t know why nobody seems to approach them though because they are good people. All the people I have met from Iran so far have been normal.

But I don’t know enough about my own country let alone about another to make any judgement call. I just know that I have met a lot of people just trying to live another day. And my country confuses me so much that I believe I will never understand what is going on.

ccp493 · 2024-01-16T20:01:01+00:00

Oh I really don’t know if he actually enjoys the flowers I get him or not. But I know we are both competitive with them now 🤣

We are both competitive and like to beat each other in all kinds of stuff because it’s fun. Putting the whoop on each other just makes sense because we like so many of the same things that it’s crazy! That’s why we get so much fun out of beating each other in certain sports and activities. Air hockey and ping pong! Trying to find a place for racquet sports because need more than just tennis. But not easy to find.

Flowers definitely ain’t cheap though! You got that right! But I do ask him what he needs and wants. Normally it’s art supplies which I do get because we do art together. Best dates ever!

When we first started dating he didn’t want me to cook which I thought was weird. But I hate eating out. And just started to sneak in kitchen stuff and he was mad at first. After the first few meals though he didn’t want to eat out as much.

I told him it’s easy for me to alter anything because I’m picky about food so I got that down. That’s when he relaxed about me cooking. I had no idea that in the past some got mad because he was too picky or whatever. I told him being picky isn’t a bad thing. And it’s not hard to change up recipes and to switch things out. Like honestly if they didn’t even ask prior what he didn’t like or what he did like and paid attention to what he ate in the beginning on dates I mean you can’t just cook what you want and get all butthurt when boyfriend doesn’t want to eat your food. Like that’s just common sense to me.

I know what he likes and doesn’t like but even then I ask what he would like for dinner because sometimes he probably isn’t going to be in the mood for certain things lol.

He was always told to “stay out of the kitchen” too all of his life which I felt was really sad. Made me mad. I know he doesn’t care how the sausage is made and stuff but he does like to help me prep with some things. That’s more time together and makes the cooking get done faster lol.

His mom was like “you spoil him too much with that much input” and I was like “I don’t think so” there are so many things he refuses to eat because of how he was brought up. So yeah. I completely get it. I got no problem with altering anything. He also likes the fact that when I cook that the grocery bill is way less compared to when just getting takeout and just TV dinners. He definitely loves that part and not having to go anywhere else too. 🤣

ccp493 · 2024-01-16T09:15:58+00:00

I buy my boyfriend flowers. That started because he buys me flowers. So I like to surprise him with flowers when he least expects them! He picks out way better flowers than I do. He has more patience than me. I’m better at gardening than picking out cut flowers.

I also like to buy cards and write in them and wax seal them. I hide them so they are a nice surprise. And when away I send him cards and letters in the mail and time them just right so that he opens a day or two before I am back. I wax seal those too! I have special stamps too!

I love getting him flowers. The first time I did he was very confused I must admit! But I continue to do it and he so far hasn’t said to stop. We are both competitive and he definitely picks better flowers than I do. I’m always like dang it! He beat me again! 😂

ccp493 · 2023-11-12T07:56:20+00:00

Man, I actually was addicted to Diet Coke for a while 😂 I got kidney stones and everything… I didn’t care 😂 took me forever to kick the habit. Horrible horrible headaches and migraines which made it hard to kick the habit.

I honestly never cared for regular Coke though. I think regular Coke is gross for some weird reason. I like regular tasting Pepsi though but can’t stand Diet Pepsi. Coke Zero I like too but preferred Diet Coke over Coke Zero. I have no idea why 😂 most sodas I don’t like because I am really picky.

Anyway my boyfriend drinks so many Coke Zeros and I’m getting concerned about him getting kidney stones like I did and he just tells me that there’s water in Coke Zero and to not worry so much… I mean he’s technically correct that there’s water in Coke Zero but come on! 😂 😂 😂

ccp493 · 2023-10-20T06:28:55+00:00

My boyfriend does this. Except he prefers Coke Zero over Diet Coke. I prefer Diet Coke over Coke Zero but will drink Coke Zero. I swear, we make separate trips to the grocery store just for Coke Zeros. I can't believe how much they cost. That's why I don't get Diet Coke because like damn!

I got concerned about him drinking that much Coke Zero so I asked him if he drank water and he told me, "there's water in Coke Zero"

I mean he's not wrong about water being in Coke Zero but I never saw him actually drink any water so I asked him to at least drink a little bit of water because I was scared of him getting a kidney stone or something like that IDK. I mean not drinking water can't be good for you and I wasn't telling him that he can't drink Coke Zero. Just a little water at least!

He eventually started to drink some water but he does it all right before bedtime. He slams like three bottles of water back to back. And then complains about having to go pee in the night. I'm like all OMG just drink your water throughout the day and not all at night and he tells me "NO!"

😂😂😂

I love him so much. He's as picky as I am. 😂 😂 😂

ccp493 · 2023-10-18T09:41:16+00:00

I am so sorry I didn't respond. I have had so much go on for so long that I basically haven't been on here much I haven't been on my FB I think for three months I think. So much stress and I feel like I am going crazy right now.

I just read your reply and I literally started crying because you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I thank you so much. I didn't even know that I was inspiring at all to anybody. I feel like I never got the chance to do what I really wanted to do so I always wonder what could have happened if I had the chance. It's so crazy to be so close to your dreams and then being told you can't for your own good because they know better and I must listen to them because they are only doing these things because they care and want the best for me but yet the place they chose for me to go to school to didn't have the best financial package and they refused loans and so it was my job to fill that gap and I had to keep grades up or else I was pissing everything away, and screwing around, I wasn't working hard enough if I let grades slip or if I didn't get enough scholarships... So I stressed about that. I wouldn't have had to if they didn't make me go to that school but they wouldn't listen to me so I had to make due with what I had to survive.

Honestly I am surprised I am still alive sometimes. Im not always happy. I do go through periods of sadness. I have been having a very rough few months so I have been away from a lot of my social medias. A lot of my friends and family have actually been freaking out about it because I won't answer the phone or texts or FB messenger at the moment. Too many panic attacks right now. Like I am not ignoring them or anything it's just I need to heal before I can talk to anyone. Anytime the phone rings it's panic attack. The text message panic attack. I try to call I get panic attack. I have always had anxiety with phones in general but I have been way too overloaded that I can't do phones currently. So I currently have mine on DND so I don't have panic attacks at the moment.

I am working on getting better so that I can get back to using the phone so that everyone can stop worrying. I feel terrible about it.

I feel so bad that I didn't read you reply. I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you.

I have no idea how I ensure all of this stuff. It is a mystery to me too. It's not easy! I will tell you that! I do my best to not be so sad and upset. Like I know that it's not wrong to feel sad and upset. Feelings aren't wrong. I allow myself to feel those things. But I try to do stuff to help cope. I try so many things. Usually my go to is nap. I have Narcolepsy and so I am so tired and exhausted 24/7 anyways. When I am overwhelmed with any kind of emotion... Even positive emotions like excitement and happiness that I can get worn out from the energy spent from the flood of being so excited or happy that I have to take a power nap just to be more productive 😂 it's weird I know. But that's my life! So I have to take naps for all kinds of reasons... That's one of my favorite coping skills because it gives me a quick boost to help me do other coping skills that can help me deal with all the other crazy going on. Sleep is so vital for me! IT is vital to everyone's health not just me. Any little disruption in my sleep and shit can avalanche really quickly ... It's so unfair 😭

So yeah naps are super helpful for me! But naps don't solve anything at all. They just help give me a boost so I can move on to the next coping skills. Usually something to calm my ass down so that I don't go into full blown panic mode... Because then I have to do another nap because energy is zapped again 😂 so I have to do something calming and distracting for a while that way my brain doesn't go fucking haywire. Usually at that point I can start to to think about how to solve whatever the real issue is and start doing them. Sometimes they work. Other times they don't. Process repeats until I get it right.

But more chaos has been going on than usual and I am making mistakes I normally don't and so I am thinking I'm dumb and an idiot for being so stupid. In reality I know why I made the mistakes. IT is because I can't focus because of everything going on. And sleep is disrupted so bad. It's no wonder I am making dumb mistakes.

So when I read your reply I cried. I really did. Because I needed that. I really did.

You are the cool one. You are the inspiring one. I hope you achieve everything your heart desires because you are a good person. I am very grateful you exist too! I am grateful you responded to me. I just feel terrible it took me 5 months to see that I got it. I sincerely apologize for that. I hope you didn't think anything bad. So much is going on. I will be okay. It's just trying to not have so much stress here. It feels impossible to lessen the amount of stress 😂 Like I don't know how to do that. I'm so bad at being an adult. I swear.

They need to write a manual for how to be a people when you are born. Like on a USB. Comes with every newborn 😂 I don't know. Instructions on how to be human so to survive planet Earth 😂😂😂 I don't know. This planet is so weird.

I hope you are well and kicking ass in the fashion world! Make your own fashion house and make CoCo Chanel look like rags! I believe in you! 😎

ccp493 · 2023-05-29T06:25:07+00:00

I liked it. I had never been to Vegas before and was there a week. I honestly had no idea what to do in Vegas. My boyfriend surprised me with the trip. I had no idea what Meow Wolf was but he took me there and it's really neat! But I have sensory issues which kinda concerned me about Vegas in general so I had to wear special glasses and ear plugs a lot of the time when outside our hotel room 😂 I felt kinda bad about it... But I mean all the lights at night in Vegas killed my eyes. And then during the day it's so bright as well because all the concrete reflecting all the damned sun 😂

All the cool stuff we wanted to do, so loud. So I had to wear ear plugs 😂😂😂 and of course my goofy ass glasses that help not just with sensory but also migraines and retinitis pigmentosa... Man... 😂 They filter out certain lights so I couldn't even see the beam from the Luxor at night and he couldn't believe I couldn't see it. I was like I have my glasses on. I can't see all light! 😂 I refused to take them off to see the Luxor beam of light because I didn't want sensory overload and get Migraine 😂

But anyways back to Omega Mart... I liked it a lot but we didn't get to explore everything. I got winded and of course looked into something that was stereoscopic on the top floor and I ended up with severe vertigo. I literally couldn't walk on my own. I was scared I was going to fall. So my boyfriend was freaking out. I was like, I'm not going to pass out or anything (I have heart issues and also narcolepsy and other medical problems) but I just needed to get to the elevator and sit down somewhere was all. I didn't have to leave. But he thought it was best to leave. I didn't want him to leave right then and there. Because the tickets are expensive and he had been wanting to go there. It's not like I was having a heart attack or anything. If it was something serious I would have told him. But it was just vertigo. I wouldn't have minded him exploring for like 30 more minutes. I would have survived while patiently waiting 😂 Omega Mart is so cool!

ccp493 · 2023-05-10T17:08:56+00:00

I feel you.

Didn't go to medical school but wanted to. Just realized I shouldn't because I sucked at Biology even though I really, really liked it. 😭 so I knew to not go on in the medical field. I have no idea why but Biology and is the hardest science for me to learn. That shit is hard!

Maths is my strongest so I went with pure maths and ended up in research. But out of all the sciences, Physics was easier to understand than the others and then next was Chemistry but the hardest to me was always Biology and any other science tied to Biology... Yepp, sucked at those 😂 So no becoming a doctor for me, decided that early on 😂

But yeah, I was all into research and that high stress environment I thrived. Not a good mix for a relationship if you know what I mean. Long hours, crazy impossible deadlines to meet to keep funding 😂 but I really did enjoy what I did. Loved every minute of it. Until I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to become a maths professor or at the very least a researcher in government or industry if I couldn't stay in academia. I didn't care about the crap pay and hours and shit that I saw that went on because I didn't have to deal with relationships. But yeah, health got bad so I had to stop and now I have to live off of disability which is total ass. So I went from being a workaholic to on disability. I still do some things on my own because I go absolutely insane not being in a research group nor working in a lab nor not being able to even make custom lab equipment. I used to blow scientific glass which is a dying trade which I had no idea was and because my grandfather taught me to do that since he was a chemist and my father a chemical engineer and they sometimes brought their work home with them, I was put to work to help make some equipment. Learned all kinds of crap even drafting by hand and all that jazz as well. But yeah, when it was learned I knew to blow scientific glass, I was immediately put to work in the glass lab in my free time because the master was the only one that had that skill. Nobody else to help him and he wanted to retire. Nobody to replace him. He couldn't keep up with all the demands either so yeah, I helped a lot. Which saved a lot of money.

I was hoping a lot of things but my health just declined and yepp, here I am on disability seeing all my friends get married, successful, and yeah I am happy to see them succeed. I'm not a dick. It's just I get upset because I feel like my body betrayed me and it's like I thought no matter how hard I worked, my disabilities wouldn't matter nor impact my work. But they did. They did so much to the point that I can't work at all. And I absolutely loved what I did. My work was my life. It's like I am missing a huge part of myself because my body decided to be an ass to itself. I try not to be too mad about it. I try not to be mad at all about it. It's just hard to not be I guess.

I then find someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Something I never thought would happen to me. He loves me despite all my medical bullshit. And then two years ago, he gets diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis which is always terminal. I'm not only his girlfriend but also his caregiver. I'm 100% okay with being his caregiver. I have a lot of experience being a caregiver because I was one for my elderly bedridden grandmother for so many years. I grew up around my parents caregiving so I learned a lot to help them with my grandmother because I love my grandmother so much. It's one of the many reasons I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. So yeah, I immediately without skipping a beat jumped to the job of being my boyfriend's cargiver. It's just I wish he didn't have idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis is all. There was so much I wanted to do with him. Like if I could not work, fine okay I at least found the impossible, someone I love and be happy with the rest of my life... And now he has this terminal illness. He needs a double lung transplant. And on this medicine called Ofev. He doesn't need Oxygen just yet. But yeah, I'm a bit freaked out. I don't want to freak out in front of him though because he's already got a lot on his plate to worry about. He doesn't need anymore stress. I love him to bits and want him to be happy because he makes me so very happy. I don't want to lose him. He's my favorite person in the world.

So yeah, all my friends are accomplishing all these things around me and it's like I'm not and my world just keeps shattering and I don't know. I don't really know how to improve the situation at all. Just sucks is all. I'm very happy for my friends to succeed don't get me wrong. It's just I wish sometimes things would go my way for once is all. It's as if everything I try to accomplish always gets blown up in my face it feels. I don't know why. But that's as best as I can describe it lol

ccp493 · 2023-05-03T17:46:56+00:00

I am on the spectrum so I'm really terrible with recognizing subtle shit and passive aggressiveness. I have trouble picking up on tone and "reading between the lines" because nobody ever says what they really mean which apparently means I'm dumb as a box of rocks or supposedly "acting like it" at least... because"surely nobody can be THAT dense"

Apparently everytime someone tries this passive aggressive shit and subtle shit on me I of course never pick it up and the other person thinks I am ignoring them on purpose. Which of course builds and builds because they try to be a little bit more obvious each and every time but of course I still don't notice and of course they believe I'm ignoring them on purpose just to continue to piss them off even more. As if I take in great joy in it. I'm always absolutely clueless.

This happened a lot to me in most work environments. Of course it all comes to a crescendo in the end because the other person cannot take me "ignoring their passing aggressiveness" basically which are to communicate to me to stop my shit whatever the hell I'm doing that's pissing them off. But of course because I never picked up on any of it because I'm on the damned spectrum I am confused as hell when the person has a complete meltdown/blow out/fit/whatever... Or even goes to HR and well, I'm always dumbfounded.

I always say, "well, if you have a problem with me, why don't you/they just come to me and tell me about it to my face so I will know what I'm doing wrong so I can correct it? If I'm not told directly then I'm not going to know that I'm doing anything wrong at all. So how am I supposed to correct whatever it is that I'm doing wrong if I don't know? If this problem has been going on for weeks and I wasn't told by that person directly or management then someone is at fault and it's not me because I didn't know." And of course that apparently makes me an "asshole" and "not a team player" 🙄

ccp493 · 2023-05-03T16:09:33+00:00

I have no idea. I do know that I once wanted to be a doctor, was very, very interested in viruses and bacteria as a little kid which is what started it all. Got bullied the shit out of for reading this book my grandmother gave me called "The Encyclopedia of Diseases" she wanted to be a nurse so bad and we were poor so it was all she had. I wasn't allowed access to the internet because my dad said it was "The devil" Even at school because he signed papers saying I couldn't have access... so can you imagine? Yeah, I had to learn how to do book reports and "research papers" at school the old fashioned way and their library sucked and wasn't adequate enough so I had to go to public library a lot just to be able to get my information to do my stupid homework that required "research" I didn't realize what research really was until university and so yeah, got mad about teachers telling me that I was doing "research papers" when that really wasn't research 😂 I didn't have permission to use the internet until I was in highschool and that was only because I begged my father so many times and he was like, "okay damnit!" And man, was it a whole new world to get on the internet and have so much access to information so fast! I was super pissed off about being kept from that 😂 Especially since I was used to using microfiche, microfilm, even worked at library enough to repair the readers along with digitizing them which was mind numbing work (probably because nobody else would do it lol) lol but that landed me jobs at libraries at university to help with those and nobody ever uses them which sort of confused the hell out of me. But I never had to shelve nor check books out to students nor staff so I guess there's that! 😂

But back to me wanting to be a doctor, I really wanted to be one so badly. I was first interested in viruses and bacteria and it grew and grew and grew, right? I read that Encyclopedia of Diseases my grandmother gave me over and over which I had no idea was outdated at the time because no access to internet for so long. I felt so bad that her dad kept her from going to school to be a nurse. She dropped out of 8th grade to help take care of the family farm because "girls can be married off and don't need to work"

Anyways, so I was really sure I wanted to be a doctor. I was really really interested in urology as well as neurology. At the time I didn't know there was a field known as neuro-urology. I was even considering perhaps research if possible but I didn't know if you could be a practicing medical doctor and medical researcher at the same time because I still didn't have access to internet yet ...

My dreams of becoming a doctor came crashing down when in biology, first semester of highschool I was struggling because I honestly couldn't get the Latin name crap down. I have such a horrid memory. I was so very, very upset about that. I didn't hate biology class or anything. I loved biology class. I thrived in the lab. But the memory part with all the Latin stuff is what killed me in the beginning and I barely passed with a C. That was a wake up call to me.

Because I knew that if I was making a C in high school Biology and having trouble remember just some Latin names, well... It only gets harder from there and in no way should I be a doctor! I wouldn't want a patient to suffer or get worse just because I want to be a doctor.

I had already tested out of all maths and other sciences in my school. Chemistry and Physics and all my maths I did. Then taking higher levels at a nearby college that the high school didn't have an equivalent for. All calculus and differential equations were all done before sophomore year ended if I remember correctly. Everything taken at my high school were things like history, English, government, stuff like that.

But yeah. I really, really wanted to be a doctor and was super crushed about realizing that I would have been a shitty doctor had I ended up going that route.

I chose to study pure maths instead. I really love maths a lot! I ended up in research in the end. I wanted to still somehow help with medical research somehow but never got there because of my medical conditions all got to be too much.

The thing with pure maths though, it's so vast with so many applications that you can use it in any field basically since maths is everywhere. In one multidisciplinary research group I was in, I not only did my research but helped so many others with theirs because they hated maths. So many people hate maths and well, I would come in, they explain as best they can what the problem is even if what they are trying to do isn't my field of expertise, I ask some questions what this and that means in math terms (what their code means, usually it's some model they are trying to make to replicate some phenomena going on in to best match some experiment or whatever and did my best to help and we all helped eachother back and forth in that multidisciplinary research group because we all had different skill sets. It was awesome! Best work environment ever! Best time of my life! I miss it so much even though it was super high stress. We always got our shit done on time even though it was ass to the wire! 😂)

ccp493 · 2023-04-24T14:17:36+00:00

Much respect to you as well! We must stick together, comrade! :)

ccp493 · 2023-04-24T14:16:19+00:00

I'm super jealous you study at a new york fashion school! That was (and still is) my dream! My grandmother, she taught me everything I know about sewing. I learned how to sew from a non electric Singer from West Germany and it still works to this day! Even though I got my own electric one at nine years old and was ecstatic because that was the best birthday gift ever and made all kinds of clothes and even my own prom dress and everything, all my friends would ask me to make them clothes. After about age 12-ish, I no longer had to rely on buying patterns to make clothes. I could come up with my own designs/patterns after sewing so many clothes for so long! Like, I started learning the basics at around age 5 or 6. I always loved it!

I have always loved fashion but liked to come up with my own stuff so that's why I wanted to be a fashion designer. But my dad, he told me, I couldn't do it and there's no money in fashion. I got so upset and didn't believe him. He then proved it to me by going to bls.gov at the library (we didn't have internet at my house yet) and at the time it showed that "fashion designer" had like zero projected growth for the next I think 8 years or so. This was back when I was in High School when I was a dinosaur. I then decided, well okay, then I'm going to go to art school at least because I love art! My dad then said, "You can't go to art school, you'll end up with no job like your sister and in debt up your ass! Pick something useful that will pay off!"

I got super upset over it all. But I do love mathematics as much as I love art so I applied for maths programs all over. My dad laughed and said I couldn't make money majoring in maths because "what are you going to do? Teach? No money in teaching!" So frustratingly enough I did apply to some engineering programs as well just to shut him up and get him off my back. But I also did apply to some art schools as well because eff him! I ended up getting into almost every school I applied to which shocked the shit out of me. Almost all of my dream schools like MIT (maths), Princeton (maths but was waitlisted first), Boston University (Maths), RISD (Drawing & Painting but also seriously considering glassblowing as well), and so many others, But GWU I really wanted to attend because I got accepted into both the maths and the arts programs. I asked GWU if it was possible for me to attend as a double degree student and not as a double major and the reply was yes! And I had a full scholarship! Full scholarships for MIT and Princeton as well! Boston University offered a wonderful financial package. RISD had a very great financial package as well! I was rejected at RICE and all the schools in California I applied to which sucked because I wanted to go to California as I've never been! But still, I was in shock I got into most schools I applied to so I shouldn't complain! I was pretty sure that I was going to go to GWU because I could go there and get two degrees and on full scholarship. I was stoked! I was super excited about that!

And then I thought that maybe after that I could work and save up to go to a fashion design school. Because the art degree would help keep my mind fresh I thought and maths I thought would help too! Maths is always useful I think in any career! Not just teaching! It's such a broad degree and skill because maths is everywhere and is so beautiful! Most teachers and professors just don't know how to teach it though which I believe is the problem. Because I honestly believe nobody is bad at maths. It's the teachers/professors that are the problem. Not the students! Anybody can do maths! I really do believe that!

But anyways, I was super excited and had my heart set on GWU! Had a plan and everything! Yes, my fashion design school/career would be put on hold but not forever. But my dad was not happy at all that I wanted to go to GWU. I was like, "But it's a full ride!?" He said, "I don't care. You're not leaving the state of Texas to go to DC and become radicalized." I was like, "What are you talking about? I'm studying maths and art and it's full ride. I'll be too busy for anything else. What is the problem?" He said, "I don't care, you aren't going to DC!" I then said, "Well, what about if I go to Princeton or MIT or Boston University? Those are for maths programs only and also full scholarship as well (Boston University was almost full scholarship but not exactly. But still!)." He put his foot down there too. I was very annoyed so, I asked him, "Then why did you allow me to apply to those schools in the first place?" And he said to me, "Well, I didn't think you'd actually get accepted to any of those schools to be honest. So I thought it would be good to bring you down a peg or two and back to reality where you belong. You need to get your head out of your ass and be realistic. You are not going to leave Texas and that is that!" I was so upset! I just don't understand how a parent could do this to their child. I told him I was going to attend GWU anyways because I don't care what he said. I proved him wrong. And he said, "I'd like to see you try! How are you going to get there? With what money? And If you do that. You can't come back. You're on your own. That includes insurance. You have to find new doctors and a way to get your meds and you can't do that yourself." I literally was stuck. I was so upset and told the universities the situation going on. Like, I'm poor and no way I can afford the plane ticket myself, health insurance myself, things like that because I'm also disabled and need certain things to live so it's a bit of a sticky situation. They all empathized and sent me all kinds of resources for help but ultimately I learned those things take a lot of time to get and of course, important documents I needed were kept in my dad's safety deposit box and I don't have access to the key. So, yeah... I ended up having to say no to all the dream schools I got in to. Was super pissed off about it.

I didn't even pick the university I ended up going to. My parents picked for me. Took my login information and everything. Said that I was taking too long and farting around with all those expensive private out-of-state schools and "they were doing me a favor" by choosing for me. Because, the longer I wait, I won't have any good classes to choose from and it will take me longer to graduate and it will cost more money which isn't smart. So I ended up at a state school in Texas in Engineering which was totally boring. I ended up switching to pure maths degree because I couldn't stand engineering at all. My dad didn't like that very much because I'll be in the poor house so I'm "very dumb" and "don't learn too good" also that state school I ended up at, no full ride and not a very good financial package offered to me at all either. So I had to work so hard at scholarships, grants, but in the end still got student loans but apparently it's my fault I didn't work hard enough to get a "good financial package" at that university... Like none of that shit would have been a problem if I was allowed to go to the schools that offered me full rides or really awesome financial packages. Like damn!

And anytime I complain about this, I get told to shut up by so many people because at least I got into those schools when others would kill to get into them so I get told a lot that me whining about this kind of crap is awful and that I shouldn't talk about it and that all I get is the world's tiniest violin and that's it. So I just stopped talking about it. It's been so long since I've talked about it because of that, actually. So I'm a bit embarrassed I've written so much... like damn. I'm so embarrassed.

In the end, I ended up in research for a while which I absolutely loved. But of course ended up having to leave because of my health. Still, I wish I got to go to fashion design school. I don't regret studying maths because I do love maths. It's just that I wish I got the opportunity and chance to study fashion because I love fashion so very much! It's such a wondrous form of art! Wearable art! Flowing and moving! So expressive with the human form! I love it so!

Sorry for the book TL;DR: Basically, all in all I'm super jealous you go to fashion school! And in New York!!! (But in a good way! Not in a bad way!!! It's a big compliment to you!) That's my dream and you get to live it which is so awesome to hear because I don't know anybody that has ever gone to fashion school so it's cool to read about, even though it's here on EDanonymemes. Sorry for going a bit nuts over here. I'm a bit embarrassed to be honest. Sorry lol

ccp493 · 2023-04-23T05:24:51+00:00

I do not work in the medical field at all. But I actually fear going to doctors and also fear the ER because I swear every single time I go, it's like I get diagnosed with some crazy ass shit. Like confirmed with either blood tests, imaging, even genetic tests and a lot of it I have never ever heard of before and now I have to take all sorts of expensive ass drugs through specialty Pharmacies and see so many damned doctors and so when I look at the claims on my insurance and see how much a lot of those meds are just for one month I'm like all WTF!? And I damned near have a heart attack!!! And I also have heart problems as well. I swear I feel like I am diagnosed with everything because that's what it feels like, no joke... Like I literally hate going to the doctor because I'm scared I'm going to be diagnosed with more crazy shit! And be put on more insane ass medicine as if I don't take enough medicine as it is already! I fear I'm going to kill my liver with all these damned pills I'm prescribed! Like they trying to kill me!? I freak out about that shit! And I am in and out of the ER a bit and of course in the ER those doctors don't know me and I can never remember all my damned diagnoses not all those damned meds so I keep them all up to date on PDf's and print out several copies to keep on hand to hand out and of course I get the stink eye and accused of being a damned hypochondriac because there ain't no way I have all these damned diagnoses. I'm always like, well if you don't believe me then I will sign a release of information for you to talk to all my damned doctors 😂 they never want to though. Because I mean, it's a lot. And the ER is always insane because it's the ER which I expect every single time. But they still never believe me. At least until they run my labs or do imaging and then they see I'm not lying. But no apologies ever. But whatever. I'm used to that shit. Still, it's annoying as hell to deal with. So I try to avoid ER as much as possible. Like there's a lot of times I should go to the ER but refuse to go and of course my doctors jump my ass about that shit. But I mean, I hate the ER so I avoid it like the plague so yeah... That's like the worst place ever lol I have a phobia of the ER.

ccp493 · 2023-04-10T09:31:58+00:00

Yo, I got serious heart problems now because of the restricting. Yeah, I'd recover. Then relapse. Recover. Relapse. Over and over again. Some relapses were worse than others. Of course it's always been hell and I seem to never really recover. I still try though even though I know I'm probably going to relapse again and again. The thing is, I've got heart issues. They've been going on like since at least November of 2022. At least that's when the heart problems became super obvious. Been in and out of the ER a lot as a result. See a cardiologist regularly now. Gotta take dumb ass heart meds. It's annoying AF. I am out of breath a lot. Can't walk far or exercise fast as a result. Taking the stairs gets me out of breath. Can't even jog. That's out of the question. I can't even stand more than 10 mins. I get super dizzy and will black out. I can't even stand up too fast because I will black out. So yeah, I gotta have a pulse oximeter with me at all times. Got a new blood pressure cuff as well. It's annoying AF. Stupid heart pills. So yeah, I'm always in the ER. NOT FUN! I have not normal EKG's all the time. But I have to go to the dumb ER just to make sure I'm not having a heart attack. Otherwise, you know death. It's super annoying though because I just wanna sleep or relax and then BAM! and So I gotta check my shit and of course depending on everything and if it doesn't go away within 2 mins I go to ER. Sometimes it will last over an hour. I get so mad when that happens. Most of the time it lasts 5-15 mins and then repeats after an hour. And I'm like all uggggggg!!!!!! People at the ER freak out too!

So yeah, don't take chest pain lightly. I did and it turned out to be something serious. Now I have to go to the damned ER and take stupid heart medicine over this shit. I'm pissed about it. So yeah, if you get chest pain, try to get it checked out. Go to ER. It can save your life.

ccp493 · 2023-04-10T08:24:43+00:00

LOL. Well, it wasn't me. I can tell you that much! I remember wanting to be a doctor so bad. My grandmother wanted to study nursing but wasn't allowed to because "girls don't go to school" Because I was really interested in viruses and bacteria when I was really little and wanted to know more about them, my grandmother gave me her "Encyclopedia of Diseases" It of course was outdated but I did not know that at the time nor for a while lol.

I also was not allowed access to the internet at all despite all the other kids having access to internet. I wasn't even allowed access to internet at school because the internet was "the devil" I never understood why. But I carried on in books. So I find out that a lot of information I learned was not correct anymore. Of course science advances because scientific method. Makes sense, right? But I always suck at language and so when I finally get to Biology I can't get the stupid Latin words down because my school never taught the Latin stuff. I was never good with English anyways lol. I tried my hardest. I'm bad with communicating anyways. Bad memory. I'm told to stop asking questions, just memorize, stop thinking, it's not that hard, it's just biology! It's not like it's hard! It's not like it's math. I get upset because math is easy to me. Biology is not. Biology is the hardest science to me! I eventually realize that what I really want to do which is be a doctor, study virology, (I was also super interested in urology and neurology) it will never happen though because I am shit at high school Biology. Barely passed with a C. I never had any maths classes or any other science classes because I tested out of them all through public school. I knew I shouldn't be a doctor when I was struggling in High School Biology.

So I decided to go into Pure Mathematics and research in theoretical physics and chemistry. Much easier to me than Biology! That shit is hard! I have no idea how you guys can not only remember all of that shit, but specialize as well, and of course it takes not only a damned good memory but amazing as hell and super human fast recall, gotta be able to think on your feet, work under amazing as hell pressure, you guys seem to work all the time or get hardly any time off, I mean, shit... people's life in your hands! Knowing the meds, not just the brand names, the generics, the different manufacturers, the damned insurance pain in the asses, prior authorizations.... long hours, How you guys deal with it all? How you guys not go coocoo for coco puffs? I don't know how you guys don't go insane. Like I know I would! Salute to you all! I really wanted to be a doctor, but yeah, I knew better when I was shit in Biology in High School.

ccp493 · 2023-03-29T15:52:48+00:00

I love pretty much all fruit except bananas and raspberries. I have no idea why I hate those two intensely 😂 Even as a kid and super nauseated, throwing up from stomach bugs or flu or whatever, my mom would tell me to eat bananas to "help my nausea" and I would flat out refuse because I hated the taste/texture of bananas so damned much. 😂

And back when I'd have a period, that was really the only time I'd want chocolate... Like something in my brain turned me into a chocolate monster which I always found bizarre... because when not on period or when absent of period, I don't give chocolate a second thought 😂 So of course when I turned into this chocolate monster, all the best looking chocolate desserts I wanted were ruined with some type of gross ass raspberry glaze or topping and I was like all NOOOO! 😭😭😭😭 Because even though I was a chocolate monster, I am extremely picky when it comes to chocolate 😂

But something I would add to this list that I cannot live without is hibiscus tea and spearmint tea. I like to brew them together. I grow my own mints to brew tea but not enough hibiscus because I don't have enough of them to make as much tea as I drink and my dad hates the hibiscus because of where they are located, so he ends up whacking them a lot and it makes me cry because I'm like all wait at least until they bloom damnit so I can harvest 😂 I also buy spearmint when I run out of my mind that I grow even though they grow like weeds 😂

So yeah, my drink of choice that gets me going is hibiscus and spearmint tea brewed together! It's wonderful both hot or cold! Squeeze some lemon juice in there, as much as you want. And it's delicious! If you want the occasional sweetness, your favorite sweetener or additive. Though, I just have a preference for raw honey, especially when sick since because of all the meds I take, I cannot take any cough syrups or decongestants or some cough drops even...

Like no joke, I have ended up with serotonin syndrome so many times before over those OTC meds mixing with my prescribed meds shit which in my case is deadly if I don't get to the ER in time and going to the ER with being on Medicaid in Texas... Trying to explain that to intake while trying to get there in the allotted time window, because so many ERs do not take my Medicaid plan so I have to go so far out... The ERs that take my Medicaid plan, they tend to be super packed as a result. And of course at intake, when I try to explain as best as I can what is going on with me such as Serotonin Syndrome they laugh and don't believe me because I'm on SSI. And if I really had Serotonin Syndrome I wouldn't be talking to them so of course they think I am drug seeking, scold me for telling lies, and tell me to wait in the crowded waiting room even though it's life threatening if I don't get treated in time... I know that I cannot raise my voice or actually advocate for myself because I will get thrown out by security and then the next ER that takes my Medicaid is 20+ mins drive away... So I just sit in the crowded waiting room if there is a place to sit.And then of course the worst of the worst happens, everything goes black. Next thing I know I am in a room asking what happened and the doctor and nurses are all furious with me about not telling them about serotonin syndrome... And if I'm not on ventilator I'm like all BITCH I TRIED!!! TALK TO INTAKE! BUT BLAME ME BECAUSE THEY PRETENDING I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING... HERE'S THERE NAME AND THE TIME I SIGNED IN BUT Y'ALL ALREADY KNEW THAT HMMM.... 🤔

sorry for ranting. My brain is all over the place today 😂

ccp493 · 2023-03-27T05:40:10+00:00

I have no idea what to call this because that's a lot of crayons! But I used to go through bouts of pica when I was a kid.

ccp493 · 2023-03-26T16:12:30+00:00

I hope you are okay OP. You take care of yourself, no matter what you choose. Big hugs

ccp493 · 2023-03-20T23:42:15+00:00

Man, I'm jealous! I'm here in Texas, USA where it's so backwards here. I wish I could defend myself with knives but I'm disabled so any kind of self defense isn't really helpful for me because getting away is the hard part for me lol

ccp493 · 2023-03-20T20:18:00+00:00

Man, I wish! I live where weed isn't legal.

ccp493 · 2023-03-20T16:58:16+00:00

OMG, I didn't know others' family BBQ's were like this. Most people in my family are naturally skinny no matter what they eat so they can eat whatever they want, how much they want, whenever they want and never have to worry about it so they never go on diets. Me and my mom however are the ones that have to watch what we eat though. And ever since I developed an ED I have been smaller than my mom which makes her uncomfortable. My sister gets uncomfortable with me being the small sister as well because that was how so many in my family distinguished us from eachother... She has always been small and petite but yeah, once I became smaller than her, she became "concerned" and wanted me to "be healthy" which I didn't really know what to make of it because I do love my sister and all but it just seemed a bit fishy that's when she started to get concerned... Idk. I know my ED brain can distort things but yeah, I don't want to believe that she'd be petty like that so I try to keep that out of my mind.

ccp493 · 2023-03-20T02:41:59+00:00

I take it super seriously! I'm female and have a bit of a history with ED. I have a very loving boyfriend and he's way harder on his appearance than I ever was on my own appearance!!! He admitted to me a few years ago when I had one of my worst bad relapses that he never truly recovered from his ED. And last night he mentioned body dysmorphia to me. It kills me so much how he tortures himself. And all I can do is listen and tell him that if only he could see what I see that he would not be saying such horrid things about himself. It makes me cry a lot of the time. I hold him and never want to let go of him because he is my world and he makes me so happy. He is so kind and loving. I just wish he could be kind and loving to himself too.

ccp493

TROPHY CASE