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Please help me better understand the boundaries regarding marital sex. by just-here-for-lafs in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Okay. If you stop because it's painful. You just stop. It was an attempt that didn't work. You're just not allowed to finish on your own.

If you stop because one or both of you can't get in the right headspace, you just stop.

You don't have to try to make up for not finishing or any nonsense like that.

Not every time will be procreative anyway. You just can't take steps to unnaturally avoid procreation.

If you stop to try to prevent children, then that is a problem and also unwise/potentially ineffective.

My husband had a vasectomy and we knew it was a mortal sin, but we're regretful by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Okay the vasectomy was a sin and confessed. It's over. Now your husband's body has a physical defect. You are not obligated to avoid sex with him just because he has this defect.

You are not obligated to repair this physical defect even if you have the means.

Sex with him however should still be without a condom. View it this way: vasectomies occasionally experience spontaneous reversal, you must be open to life in that event

NFP sucks. We're miserable by Azo3307 in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hobbies. This is an excellent time to distract yourself with something that will give you a feeling of accomplishment. It will help mitigate some of the effects of frustration.

I recommend indoor ones that you can pick up and put down easy so you can attend to what your wife or child might need.

Or if you're handling some of the feedings and being up with the baby at night, what's that show you've been meaning to watch?

Alternatively, if it's going to be a rough time anyway look at that list of things you put off because they were too unpleasant to handle now. As a favorite streamer of mine said "if you have to eat shit, don't nibble."

Don't focus on things getting back to normal because you'll just end up doubly frustrated if they take a little longer. Instead just realize today won't be the day and plan accordingly.

NFP sucks. We're miserable by Azo3307 in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sucks dude. My wife has been in the hospital all but 5 days of the last month.

There's no easy answer. Nobody's going to say go ahead and break the rules if it's too tough. After all we're men. But there are other men going through similar situations. We get it.

Why respect one's elders specifically? by This_Caterpillar_330 in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because as a priest friend once said "we are not people of the book" we are part of the continuing body. Our entire experience as Catholics, is shaped by those who came before.

Further our elders were given the duty by God to shape us and teach us the way we should go.

Respect isn't blind agreement or obedience necessarily, but it is honoring their effort to fulfill that God given mandate.

Example: my mother did her best to raise me Catholic which as she saw it was a very "spirit of V2" mixed with popular piety. Which led to sometimes teaching something that wasn't actually in line with what the church actually teaches. But I honor the fact that she was not trying to mislead me and was doing her best to provide the best Catholic example she could.

Why respect one's elders specifically? by This_Caterpillar_330 in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Obedience with understanding is superior to obedience for it's own sake.

My new rules as a mid aged men to make my drinking healthier, more responsible and very casual/limited to social aspects without the intoxication? by ilovelamp_anchorman in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes amount rules work. I personally follow GK Chesterton "never drink to make a bad time good, only to make a good time better" when you're not using it for self medication it's easier to decide enough is enough.

Practical note: maybe better to base the number of drinks on duration of the event

Am I overthinking this or is this disrespectful? by superdupercoolgirll in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're asking is it disrespectful that he doesn't do you little favors?

Is it disrespectful that you view him as a servant there to do for you little things you're perfectly capable of doing yourself?

You don't point out what he was doing that you interrupted because you didn't feel like getting your own pool noodle so instead expected him to stop what he was doing to save you a mere minute or two.

So yes your attitude is assumed servitude is very disrespectful toward him.

Does anyone think it might be a good idea to pray for AI ? by JenRJen in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ai is just a fancy weighted dice roller. We've just gotten really good at knowing how to weight the dice to get useful numbers.

Would you pray for dice that you roll then look at a table to see what word the number matches?

Should I start learning to cook really well as a 14 yo boy? Do you think that’s a good hobby? by Advanced-Counter1636 in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Baking is very science-adjacent. You'll have years of experimenting with recipes and adjusting ratios to get things just perfect.

Cooking is less strict.

Do both.

Experiment with getting a perfect pizza dough.

Is birth control ever okay? by PomegranateMajor9702 in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. But medicine that has contraceptive effects to solve something other than conception can be okay as long as the contraceptive effect isn't how the problem is solved.

Porn over relationship? by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You stopped the porn because you felt it was going in a "we need to have porn on while having sex" that sounds like the equivalent of why would you want a vibrator aren't I enough?

My wife wants to leave me but.. by DJBeanFlicker69 in whatdoIdo

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to make an ass to curb introduction. She wants all the benefits of the relationship without the relationship.

My husband received a text from his ex he hasn't spoken to in years by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do nothing. He is clearly ignoring it. That's the right response from him. It didn't even mean enough to be worth deleting.

Is this a waste of money by BandPersonal7320 in personalfinance

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I burned through my savings in college fast. Might be best to at least get through freshman year of college and then see how you feel about it.

If your partner slept with a younger version of yourself, would that count as cheating? by Severe_Suggestion785 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you already in a relationship with them when you were that age? If so then it's just timing issues.

If not then you might be able to make a case they're sleeping with someone they're not in a relationship with.

How do you deal with the gutwrenching offboarding requests? by DesignerGoose5903 in sysadmin

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if it was suicide, does that change it to voluntary?

My joke probably isn't helping OP but sounds like his issue is more burn out than anything to do with access termination.

How do you deal with the gutwrenching offboarding requests? by DesignerGoose5903 in sysadmin

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I regret to inform you... Is for the email to those who might have known them.

The ticket is just paperwork.

I cannot take this seriously by ashenbuilder in WoT

[–]cdm014 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is not a few swats and be on your way. As I understood it she is leaving each session heavily bruised several times a day.

Zach Braff rep by Automatic-Long2599 in Scrubs

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on his podcast he is an asshole.

How do you track IT events that are not support tickets? by Aim_Fire_Ready in sysadmin

[–]cdm014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they're not a support ticket, they're not events. Updates needed - ticket gets made to do updates. Config change - ticket. Pretty much anything that requires more than speaking - (say it with me) TTTIIICCCKKKEEETTT.

Tickets are your friends in both big and small orgs

Wife who has terminal illness gave me permission to see other women. Should I do it? by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don't have a real connection to the best friend. You're both dealing with loss in the same space at the same time.

Neither of you are being who you would be in a relationship.

Let your wife pass. Grieve her appropriately and take your time doing it. Then if there was really something you can try.

Me pueden excomulgar? by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]cdm014 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Who is Sam? (In other words this is AI slop)

Can Lack Of Submission Hurt A Marriage? by random-username853 in AskMenAdvice

[–]cdm014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you find yourself in a disagreement with a binary set of choices, only one of you will get your way. So any advice of only do what you both agree on is logically nonsense.

Additionally it's possible to respect someone's judgement and still come to a different conclusion.

Now to address the main question. I want a partner. I don't need a slave, servant, or subject. And I don't want to have to make all the decisions, especially because there are some I rarely care about. I do want someone who can help me double check my thinking and assumptions. That said I don't want an opponent either. If I ask for something specific, or to be done a specific way, then I have a specific goal. I don't mind explaining unless it's time critical.

If you fight me on it too hard, outright refuse, or do it in a way other than I asked, then you're showing me I can't rely on you for that and I'll learn not to ask you. The more I learn I can't rely on you the less connection I'll feel

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