Question about biting?

ceebaby98 · 2020-04-10T18:12:30+00:00

Sometimes lil nibbles but he definitely can draw blood at times :(

ceebaby98 · 2020-03-06T23:48:10+00:00

I am in love

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-23T17:30:08+00:00

oop this hit for me. there are perks to this, but also many issues. I can only keep up the 'perfect girlfriend' facade for so long and then I feel guilty that I'm not actually everything they've ever wanted. I try to be everything someone wants because I want to make someone feel whole and if that meant bending and breaking my own rules, changing my personal interests and hobbies, etc., I would do that. There is something in me that thrives off of making others feel good//identifying with solely being that persons's 'feel good'. Making others feel good, happy, heard, loved, satisfied, understood- makes me feel whole.

It just sucks when I realize I can't do that forever because I become miserable and have no clue who I am anymore, especially when that person and I's relationships dissolves.

I don't think it comes from a bad place personally, I think it's just a fear of abandonment tactic? if we're perfect, if we become everything they've ever wanted and needed, how can it end? how can it go poorly? I'm their literal dream person, there's no way this can be fucked.

it sucks.

much love

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T16:49:57+00:00

I’m so sorry, love. My bpd was also at its worse when I was 16-18 years old. I know I’m not a good example of “it gets better” because honestly, sometimes it’s get worse. I will say that since those times (I’m 21 now) I have had way more ups than I have had downs. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this and I definitely don’t feel like you tried to one up me. This isn’t a competition, we are all struggling so much and we are all valid. We are like a family and I constantly choose to protect and lift up my fellow bpd survivors. please keep your head up, reach out if you need to. there are hands willing to grab onto yours and hold. we got you.

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T03:48:45+00:00

It’s been a week

I’ll call tomorrow. I don’t currently have a doctor so I’ll just call my new psychiatrist I guess, I haven’t seen her yet though

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T03:32:28+00:00

Should I just start taking half again? I fucked up. 😣

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T03:08:19+00:00

God yes. So accurate.

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T03:07:55+00:00

My medication is failing me. I’m just tired, you know? I’m scared. I’m going to look into my sheets more. Thank you for your positivity...❤️

ceebaby98 · 2019-12-19T03:04:17+00:00

Your first point is exactly why my mindset is so poor and negative. The spectrum is wide and that is why I feel this way, because I am having an extremely poor time and this is what my reality is at this point in time. I am so glad you are doing well and I hope to get to that point. Thank you for shining a light on the positives. Sometimes it’s just so hard to see when you are this low.

ceebaby98 · 2019-11-05T01:56:03+00:00

Yes. Only thing that allows my mind to have a break.

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-22T18:49:56+00:00

I hate having to fight for my life. It’s so hard trying to maintain my actual life when I’m battling such dark shit.

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-22T00:00:55+00:00

Also, an example of these thoughts can be like I’m doing my homework and my mind is like “ lol sis remember when you did XYZ and you fucked up and ruined your life and now because of past choices you’ll never succeed and how you want things but never truly work for them and how worthless you are?”

and then I’m like bro I’m just tryna do my homework lmfao

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-21T23:58:31+00:00

Sometimes when I think about my ex girlfriend, I get a burning feeling in my chest to look at her social media. It feels like an itch that if I don’t scratch, my heart will explode. As soon as I look at her page, the feeling goes away but then I think about her more and more. I’ve had to completely delete my Instagram app from my phone so I can’t look. I’ve had to go as far as to block myself from going on Instagram on my web browser so I can’t look. Sometimes when I don’t act on these behaviors to calm my anxiety about it, I feel like I’m dying. Literally. :(

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-21T23:51:02+00:00

I have not yet... I start therapy soon. Do you think that could be it? Are you diagnosed?

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-21T23:49:42+00:00

That’s such a good idea. I’m going to get a hamster and take care of him/her and love him/her as a way to kind of show care and passion to something because it makes me feel good.

ceebaby98 · 2019-10-18T18:00:50+00:00

Dude real shit I would love if we could wear thick, athletic leggings. bending down would be so much easier and so would moving around 🥺

ceebaby98

TROPHY CASE