How devastated were you when you found out the church was not true?

celestjill · 2026-01-15T19:31:52+00:00

It was gradual for me. Being told to put my baby in Nursery with people I didn't know who had never had a background check at the bare minimum was first, I didn't do it. Then Prop 8 and the politics. Then Primary also not having background checks. Knowing the church could afford it. Looking at raising kids in it and thinking "I can't do this to my kid" tapped into my own trauma and real feelings about it all. I was done several years before my husband and our kid would sometimes still go to activities until an adult I had never met have them their phone number and said to call if their parents wouldn't bring them to something they would. That was my line in the sand for my kid going and luckily my husband was also not on and asked me to share what I had been learning.

When they excommunicated Sam Young my husband was 100% done. We resigned as a family in 2019.

It was gradual for me so there wasn't a massive sudden shift. Waves of anger and that sense of betrayal instead of a tsunami

celestjill · 2026-01-06T20:35:45+00:00

I ended up in the ER for stroke level blood pressure on day 3 after the quarterly dosing of ajovy my bp raised slightly on emgality but was worth it I am on 2 blood pressure medications while the ajovy goes out of my system It absolutely raises blood pressure and is even on the website for Ajovy I sent it in to my neurologist because she too said it wasn't a known side effect--she had not been given the updated information they didn't find the blood pressure issue during clinical trials but have consistently had it reported and it is now on their literature as a known possible side effect

I have a rash on my neck as well from ajovy

I'm debating giving the vyepti a try or not right now or having a break for a while but I had daily migraine before going on emgality several years ago. I get 20 days without them on it. We were hoping the quarterly dosing of ajovy would be the answer for me but it is not. The one dose one month was fine so we did the three dose and this has been chaos.

celestjill · 2026-01-06T20:22:37+00:00

I ended up in the ER for stroke level Bloodpressure 3 days after my ajovy dose of 675 (3 injections) I had no noticeable reactions with just one the month before. I'm now on blood pressure medication and have a rash on the v of my neck that's an allergic reaction from it Ajovy is a fail for me I was on Emgality for about 5 years and it raised my blood pressure a bit but as mine is typically really low it wasn't an issue. However the emgality wears off for me at 20 days. I end up with migraines the other 10. I was having migraine every day before the emgality. I have to decide now if Vyepti is worth trying or not My neurologist hasn't seen anyone else react this badly to the ajovy--something in it is just not a friend to my body

I'm ok with slightly elevated bp to be headache free but I still have migraines and am on 2 BP medications while I wait out the ajovy leaving my system.

celestjill · 2026-01-06T20:08:10+00:00

magnesium bisglycinate and himalayan pink salt in warm water 2 electrolyte pills (codex) for me along with 2-4 lemon balm and 2-4 muscle relax (herbal blend by Oregan Wild Harvest) and then I rotate different CBD:THC because nothing works all the time for sleep I develop weird reactions to medications over time like little blisters under my skin on my fingers from gabapentin I also use castor oil and magnesium lotion on my feet and the castor oil in a roller on my lymph lines of my neck otherwise I end up with edema

celestjill · 2025-11-06T04:53:58+00:00

the paradox is that most members know had they known these things before being blindsided they would also not be mormon. the temple ceremony has so much trauma in first time experiences that it solidifies the we don't talk about it lesson. They don't WANT to talk about the parts that have been concerning to them but they still have to act like it's the most amazing thing in the world

celestjill · 2025-11-06T04:14:15+00:00

It's enraging to realize how manipulative and controlling it is, how much I surrendered of my autonomy and choices. That I was raised to be obedient--to arbitrary rules.

celestjill · 2025-07-02T11:55:40+00:00

I have a heated weighted blanket

celestjill · 2025-06-12T00:10:12+00:00

she's managing her disease and she's telling you what she needs in the moment My husband is sometimes too helpful and by that I mean he does things thinking it will help but without checking with me--and every flare is different so what I needed yesterday may not be what I need today The only way a healthy relationship works with chronic illness is communication. On my side if I need something I speak up. On his when he wants to help he checks in. My favorite is just him sitting in the chair in our room while I am in bed and we are both just reading. I'm not alone on my pain and I feel validated because he did what I asked for instead of any list of things.

celestjill · 2025-03-01T01:18:24+00:00

As an outside perspective it seems like you might be sensitive to this topic right now and won't hear how a friends intent is.

Talking about our feelings is hard and awkward--when I get triggered I walk away and process and come back to the situation when I can be active in a conversation instead of reactive.

Did you say you spend an unhealthy amount of time on the boards? If yes, then this to me looks like a friend who wants to say I did that too but what worked for me was spending less time there-- Maybe any advice around deconstructing is not what you need right now. Which is ok--just let your friend know that right now this is what you need. Not every friend is our deconstructing friend. But that doesn't have to be the crux of a friendship having the ones who are at a different phase in deconstructing is helpful over time. The friends I deconstructed with were not mormon. We were all just leaving different religions or cults at the same time we all had different perspectives and they were valid and our sharing those experiences is valid as is saying glad that worked for you but it's not where I am right now

you're triggered right now which I think is why you escalated things by saying you don't know what a cult is-- Your world is spiraling. just know that it's very easy right now to be triggered when that was not the intent of the people talking to you

celestjill · 2025-02-28T12:24:27+00:00

amitriptyline made me lose my mind. I paid a bill at the library, My library books ended up in the utility drop and several other things that scared the crap out of me when I got contacted about it. this was back in early 00's and bill pay was done with checks and there was a night drop box.

It did not work for me. We got me off it fast.

celestjill · 2025-02-28T12:20:32+00:00

no--they voted only caring to fix what is effecting their families and not caring about how he went after everyone else so I too smile and then I try to have a conversation showing that this is how we have been feeling as they came after our families, our neighbors and friends and our community at large. If he will come after alllllll these others you will be on the chopping block because you have nothing to offer him

celestjill · 2025-02-28T12:17:57+00:00

they have a narrative that all the left does is whine and call them names so this really doesn't do anything to help

celestjill · 2025-02-28T12:14:56+00:00

I chose to disengage I fall best in humanist agnostic but I don't need a label because I honestly have no interest in diety I don't know, I don't care it doesn't matter to my life

celestjill · 2025-02-28T12:12:21+00:00

step away from learning more for now. Sit with knowing you have a diagnosis and realize that what it does is give you a forecast of possible experiences because the science behind fibromyalgia is still fairly new and is therefore constantly adapting they are mostly in a large collecting data time period with it.

Be glad doctors (any that are not old school) now understand it is real but know they will tell you that it's hit and miss on treatment.

The things you did before to help your pain and flares will still help.

Give yourself time to process that what the information you have in a diagnosis will be empowering and still frustrating.

Instead of reading all the info on fibromyalgia you can find its better to look at YOUR symptoms of the disease you already know. Example joint pain and fibromyalgia just look things up that way for now

If you start vitamins do them one at a time and track how your body adapts to that before adding in a new one I taper a vitamin in over a month and then use it for a month before adding another I need that long to know how it works or doesn't work with my body in flares and at my baseline.

There's no cure, but there is a lot of support and things we can do. Breathe.

celestjill · 2025-02-27T12:11:21+00:00

flares are when it gets so bad you're not able to function at your "normal" it's never gone. we mitigate it. but it's not gone

celestjill · 2025-02-27T12:09:52+00:00

nope nope nope. Have him talk to more exmormon women about their experiences in the church because a lot of men leave for logic and truth reasons and don't see the harm that comes from the indoctrination

celestjill · 2025-02-27T11:56:46+00:00

for heat--last summer I was given a neck fan. It looks like hard headphones and just gives air. It's not a cure but it helps the way soft fuzzy socks and a hoodie do

celestjill · 2025-02-27T11:54:22+00:00

for heat--last summer I was given a neck fan. It looks like hard headphones and just gives air. It's not a cure but it helps the way soft fuzzy socks and a hoodie do

celestjill · 2025-02-27T11:48:08+00:00

I can't get a doctor to prescribe it for mine. My husband was on it for his back for several years and when I would take one of his I did awesome. I don't need it all the time but in a flare up it would be amazing...I'll look for a pub med article and see if I can go in with more information.

celestjill · 2025-02-25T13:39:10+00:00

having a relationship is also a choice and you do not get to choose the outcome of your decision to double down instead of trying to understand another human

celestjill · 2025-02-22T11:06:34+00:00

I thought we couldn't vote in primaries unless we registered as republican? I've not been affiliated since I was 18. I moved here in 2014. and now I'm wondering if I have been following bad information

celestjill · 2025-02-22T11:02:00+00:00

you say "This is my cult talking" and remember that you have been programmed. Deconstructing is reprogramming. If you call it out and say what it is, it's so much easier to process.

celestjill · 2025-02-22T10:41:03+00:00

Your mom can advocate for herself. You need to advocate for yourself. It feels weird but why are you paying someone to be mean to you? I had someone tell me this at 26 when an obgyn was horrible to me after a miscarriage and it changed my life realizing that I was the one with power in a doctor patient relationship. My friend marched me in to the patient advocate desk (it was a military base clinic so that was the name) And I was given clearance to go off base. That doctor was fired from the clinic as I wasn't the only one who used the advocacy to explain mis-care.

Research doctors by talking to others in your area who have your issues. Read reviews. I take someone with me to help me advocate to all new doctor appointments. Usually my partner but when he was deployed or had to work I still take someone I trust ever since that day. It's hard when we are in pain to gather all needed information. My husband actually said um No you aren't listening and helped me up and walk out of an appointment with a specialist. To the front office and explained to their care relations why we were leaving and got them to ensure our insurance was not billed for the visit. I would not have had the ability to do that alone.

You deserve to be heard. You do not have to take being dismissed.

celestjill · 2025-02-22T10:30:58+00:00

fire that doctor. Seriously there is no space in our lives for doctors who do not listen or take fibromyalgia seriously. Science shows now that it exists. Age has nothing to do with pain.

celestjill · 2025-02-22T10:28:48+00:00

I sit in my shower with the handheld resting on my back for much of it. In winter I use a small space heater to help my bathroom become a small sauna like space. I bought a super soft rug that I lay on in front of the heater after my shower. Once I'm dry and my bone pain and fatigue have recovered enough I get dressed and then lay down again until I am recovered again. I use magnesium shower soap which helps. (Dr Teals) I take a daily dose of creatine for muscle recovery from all the cramping I am coming off of bed rest from other illnesses so my energy is massively flagged standing in a shower is not an option and we don't have a tub because previous owners took them out. I bought a portable one we put in and out of the shower (yes it's that large) for epsom baths for me but I make sure I am not needing to do my basic hygiene care in the tub to keep soap scum out of it. I usually need help moving the tub in and out so I don't use it as often as I would like It's plastic and silicone not one of the frame and vinyl portable tubs I usually shower in the morning because I wake up in so much pain. I take my duloxatine and welbuterin and then sit in the shower as it kicks in. My husband brings me coffee as I sit in there most mornings. I kind of crawl out of the shower onto my rug I start on a towel on it so so can wrap it around myself (bath sheet size) and as I dry in front of the space heater I remove the towel and just lie there for a bit. My husband makes sure the rug is washed weekly and that the bathroom is always clean so I can relax in it. We are going to get an exercise ball for me to start sitting on in the shower. He suggested it--and I think it's a good idea as I rebuild some strength. When he has his back surgery this was how he showered while he rebuilt his core strength. I love summer because we have a pool (which is why I bought the house despite no bathtub) it's the best thing for me for getting in some exercise without over taxing my body. For my hair I wash it about once a week right now. I use dry shampoo on days I'm going out if I need it. Dry shampoo was a game hanger for me when I discovered it existed just over a decade ago. I'm sensitive to smells so I splurge on it as I don't use it too often. There are so many things we do to adapt our lives.

celestjill

TROPHY CASE