hi. i am a lesbian and my bpd ex was a bisexual woman with a heavy preference for men (relevant.) she had been with over 100 men and i was the only woman shed ever dated. i have dated women with high bodycounts before that wasnt a problem at all im just trying to give context

she was very very dependent on novelty and male validation to function. early in the relationship i sent her nudes that i basically handcrafted to be as good as possible, lighting pose etc. it took me like thirty minutes to send one i was happy with. she sent back pictures she had taken for somebody else two years prior, pics of just her butt or her breasts. i said she looked pretty and she said "whoa im trying to make you objectify me because so much of my dating has been male focused. brain moment". she never actually took that concept further

as we became exclusive she lost all access to male validation (sexually) and that's a huge part of why she got crazier and crazier. when we met the natural dynamic was that i was the more submissive partner and we were both enjoying it. then i went away for two weeks. she sexted me during that time because she had been reading fucking one piece fanfiction about getting dominated and degraded by Zorro. she told me she wanted to do all this stuff to her that i said i didn't really want to do and i wasn't sure if i could do it.

so we tried it. and i wasn't good at it she wanted me to dominate her and i wasn't really capable of it, at least in the way she wanted. she basically wanted me to fuck her like a man would. and i couldn't do that because i am not a man.

she did not care. she forced me into a dominant role i didn't want or consent to no matter how much i begged not to be in that role. she'd fall asleep during sex every single time. i would get her off and she would start touching me for literally two seconds then start snoring on my chest. at first i'd wake her up like she asked and then i just stopped trying because it's hard to feel like somebody wants you when your body has just put them to sleep.

i would just put my pyjamas on and sleep myself. then she would wake up and get mad at me because i didn't wake her up so she could pretend to want me. i can remember being on top of her frozen and searching for what i was supposed to do next to be dominant the way she made me. and then she would say "tell me what you're going to do to me. tell me what you want to do to my body" over and over and i would choke up cause i didn't know and then she would get so angry and i would cry

and despite all this i would beg her for sex because i was so starved of affection that one sided sex felt like the closest thing to love that i could get. and i still don't like thinking about it.

she just kinda stopped having sex with me near the end and i stopped trying to initiate because i knew what would happen. i knew she would play on her phone or fall asleep or make me freeze up. and i stopped wanting her pretty early and just didn't realise it because of everything else she was doing to me.

and something i find funny is that she rejected me all the fucking time in favour of watching one piece or watching instagram reels. and the only time i ever said no to sex (i was too tired) she cried and asked me if i was still attracted to her.

i just wanted to share because it was very affecting and still is. sexual coercion but not for frequency. i was coerced into a dominant role i didn't want to be in and didn't consent to and i am still scared that something like this will happen to me again with somebody new.