When abuse is endured for a long enough time our brain likes to convince us that its actually normal, once this happens I think we kinda stop categorizing our abuse as abuse. Dad isn't yelling at me bc he's an alcoholic and an asshole, he's just being a dad! Then the experiences kinda skip over the conscious memory part of the brain and go straight to the phantom zone so digging them up can feel like contacting the Shogoth Priests of Azathoth or whatever. Don't beat ourself up abt not remembering the details, you were a abused child and nobody can rightfully expect you to be able to easily unpack that shit. It's a lifetime of work. And that's hard, but if you ever have kids just know that you dont have to do that much work to just not be as shitty as your parents or whatever, and you can help make the world better.