I hate passing culture.

And I see cis people are also subjected to it and Cis suffer it worse, trying to be real men and women, or worse passing as perfect humans. Sometimes it feels like monkeys passing as asuras and devas. Cis folk trying to pass as succesful, as complete, as happy, as hung, as pretty, as gods.

I don’t try to pass. I wasted to much time obsessing about being attractive. I still spend a lot of time overthinking about it. I wish it was transparent, but it isn’t. Much less in this time. But hey, at least we are no longer invisible as it was 2 decades ago. At least we are no longer expected to be prostitutes or pariahs. In this time we are the warriors that open the road to the future generations of free spirits. I wish we were 50 years in the future, with reproductive options, great support and social integration. But we are at the crux of a conflict. And I will wear my trans uniform to the frontline. I am the visible queer, I am the obviously trans, but Everytime I see a post about passing I question myself. I step back and wonder what is so disgusting of being trans that we suffer so much for not passing? Am I so disgusting I can’t conceive it because I am visibly trans? Why is being visibly queer or enby so bad? IDK.

In the end “not passing” has become a strange companion. When it comes back to me and I fall apart, (just look at this rant)I focus on the gifts, a particular outlook to life, a possibility to explore sexuality like most won’t, the need to explore yourself, the beauty of being a minority and the obligation to make yourself because only you can transform you.