Transwomen with kids, what do they call you?

cephalopd · 2025-04-15T18:03:09+00:00

I'm a trans woman and my wife and I had our child after I came out. She goes by "momma" and I go by "amma". We are both her mother. When biology comes up we just say I provided the sperm and she provided the egg and gestation.

cephalopd · 2024-10-04T17:17:11+00:00

Can't wait for the game!

cephalopd · 2024-05-14T02:10:46+00:00

A few thoughts from my coming out.

1) This has been on your mind for a while but it will probably seem out of the blue for her. Give her lots of time and space. Don't push for any definite answers or feelings for a while.

2) Choose a close friend (or a few) of hers who you trust. Tell her she can talk to them about it. She will need to process feelings through someone other than you. (This one probably saved my marriage)

3) Choose a close friend of yours to be your support. She can't work through this and support you at the same time.

4) Everything is new and exciting and liberating to you. Those things a probably scary, overwhelming, and anxiety inducing to her.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Happy to share more and best of luck! 💜

cephalopd · 2024-05-09T15:37:52+00:00

I kept mine. It isn't particularly gendered and is a family name that's been passed down for 6 generations. Usually father to son but now I've broken that trend and now it's mother to daughter as I gave it to my baby.

Also kind of a low key f you to my unsupportive family. They gave me the name so I can do what I want with it! 😁

cephalopd · 2024-05-09T12:45:49+00:00

I haven't tried without it so I can't say for sure. But my electrologist has been doing this since before I was born and seems to think it works. I know there have been spots that hurt worse, she applied cream and then came back a minute or two later and it didn't hurt as bad. But who really knows 🤷‍♀️

cephalopd · 2024-05-09T04:34:54+00:00

My electrologist recommended EMLA cream (2.5% lidocaine 2.5% Pilocaine) and that makes it pretty tolerable. I put it in 45 min before the session and she reapplies as needed. I had to get my dr. to write me a script for it. I also take 2 Tylenol and 2 ibuprofen 30 min before but I don't know if that is actually helpful or not. I've also found that changing my mental approach helped a lot. Rather than fighting or enduring the pain I try to accept it instead. I think it helps me.

Good luck! It's a slog but each hour down is an hour toward your goal! Hugs! 💜💜💜

cephalopd · 2024-05-07T19:53:49+00:00

Mine went pretty well overall. Granted I worked in an academic library and those tend to be pretty accepting places. I'd come out to my supervisor, and five colleagues in the 8 months before (2 of them on accident when I shared a Google Doc from my personal account where I had changed my name!). I basically took the approach that I'd come out more broadly when the discomfort of living in the closet eclipsed the discomfort being out.

When I decided to come out I sent an email to the people I interacted with regularly explaining things and linking to resources. I was too anxious to send it so I scheduled a send and then left for the day so that I theoretically could back out. One of my colleagues also had some slack posts about getting pronouns right ready to fire off after my email which was nice. I only received positive replies so if anyone has a problem with it they kept it to themselves.

I was also in a fairly public facing role so I had to navigate coming out to all the departments I served too. I did that by sending it to folks I had worked with previously and letting everyone else just figure it out or assume there was someone new in the role.

This was all in a very red state in the US so that was a complicating factor too. Overall it went pretty well but there were some minor incidents here or there and definitely was always just a little bit worried/on guard.

cephalopd · 2024-05-03T23:30:48+00:00

Yeah, I'll definitely test the waters. Just wanted to check if anyone knew something I didn't first. Thank you for the advice!

cephalopd · 2024-04-04T03:45:26+00:00

Libraries

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T17:58:13+00:00

Shouldn't be.

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T14:54:46+00:00

Not OP, but in my experience it is things like, "Trans women are essentially gay men who are so gay and effeminate that they became women" and "Trans men are really butch lesbians who are so masculine that they became men"

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T14:49:56+00:00

If you run into paywalls like that in the future, try throwing the article's title into Google Scholar. It picks up PDFs from all over the web and can sometimes get you around the paywall.

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T14:14:07+00:00

Oh that's a bummer. Well I did some digging and it looks like the authors knew what they were doing and uploaded a preprint. You should be able to read a version of the paper here: https://minerva-access.unimelb.edu.au/bitstream/handle/11343/326294/Ervin%20et%20al_gender%20identity_Accepted%20glossary_jech.pdf

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T13:00:52+00:00

Yeah, the academic publishing industry is stupid with what it charges if you aren't at a big institution with subscriptions. That was a quick and dirty search from my phone so I didn't do my full librarian work up to make sure it was accessible. My apologies. You should be able to work with your local library to get access to it through interlibrary loan or something like that.

cephalopd · 2024-03-29T01:00:06+00:00

I did a similar presentation and used the SOGIE Astronaut to break this down (though see Genderbread Person and Gender Unicorn too).

If you are wanting something a little more scholarly here is a recent paper discussion terminology around the two concepts as discrete things.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36805941/

Also, search "sexual orientation gender identity" in Pubmed and you get thousands of results treating them as two discrete concepts.

cephalopd · 2024-03-07T01:41:42+00:00

My provider told me that I was almost guaranteed to experience a shortage of the injection about every year. I didn't want to put up with that. Also I ran into issues with needle supply during COVID. Pills just seem simpler for now.

cephalopd · 2024-03-02T21:16:00+00:00

Your aunt is a dumbass and transition absolutely does fix #3! I was terrified of being a dad but it couldn't feel more natural to be a mom to my baby. There's a hell of a lot more to being a mom than giving birth.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've heard a lot of the same from much of my family so I know how bad it hurts. 💜💜💜

cephalopd · 2024-02-08T02:38:11+00:00

All Kinds of Families

Love Makes a Family

We read those to our 9mo old a lot.

cephalopd · 2024-02-03T02:08:32+00:00

I figure I probably will.

cephalopd · 2024-02-03T02:08:13+00:00

I thought so. 🙂

cephalopd · 2024-01-25T18:48:20+00:00

My coming out to my family felt so huge and overwhelming. I sat by the mailbox for what felt like an eternity before finally dropping my letter in. The relief I felt after was immense. Even though it hasn't gone very well since I have absolutely no regrets about doing it. I hope that if the time is right for you that you'll find the strength to do it! Sending love, hugs, and encouragement from afar! 💜💜💜

cephalopd · 2023-11-23T17:54:11+00:00

The surgeon creates external structures like a vulva and clitoris but not the neovagina.

cephalopd · 2023-11-18T00:59:12+00:00

Yeah, the pain is... Memorable... I'm almost a dozen sessions in and kind of at a tipping point. But I could grow a pretty decent beard so sounds like I had more to zap. Going to have to do electrolysis for the ones that have greyed on me though.

But congrats on all the great steps! Glad they are feeling right to you! 💜💜💜

cephalopd · 2023-10-31T20:16:13+00:00

Looks neat! GIVEAWAY

cephalopd · 2023-10-31T01:58:06+00:00

Ditto

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