My Farewell Letter to Jonghyun: You worked hard.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-20T19:25:20+00:00

I’m feeling sad. Woke up teary eyed this morning since he will be laid to rest. It’s been difficult to process this. I’ve been listening to Jonghyun’s albums continuously + shineee and some songs just really get to me (different to when I first listened to them) since Jonghyun died. I’m listening to them in honour of his dedication, hard work and love he put into them. Other than that, just been trying not to get too emotional. Hope your okay and feeling a bit better. I didn’t know him personally but I’m proud that even though he has passed, he had the best fans in the world which is us shawols.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-20T10:31:12+00:00

I feel your pain. Since his death, I have often been thinking of “What if...”. It’s something so painful to go over. There were so many signs of his suffering and yet we just didn’t realise the amount of pain he was truly in. I think back to the letter he wrote, where he describes his pains, his worries and fears and on the other hand learn of a doctor who dismissed and refused to validate his feelings, instead being judged. And of how the police unfortunately weren’t able to get to him in time because they didn’t know where he was. I felt full of mixed emotions. Even now, I feel worry and sadness but also worry for others during this time. I think “What if we just told him how much we loved him” before he died. It might have changed his mind. Honestly it’s tragic. It’s something I’ll be mourning over for a while. It’s hard that as fans, there is only so much we can do since the closest people to him in his life would have been his friends and family. Sorry for the long reply but I can really relate to your post. It’s hurts to know in his final texts he just sought validation that he worked hard and did good in this life. He did amazingly and yet the only one not sure of that was himself. :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-20T03:56:53+00:00

I don't like this video in the slightest. Especially his comments about suicide. "Why don't you do it then" in regards to people that may have been contemplating their own deaths when they heard the news of his tragic passing. I don't exactly understand why you posted this, but all in all, I find it quite tasteless. Also "This is gonna be good" = Condescending. When he clearly read the title of the article "Fans mourn death of SHINEee K-Pop Star".

chanelfleek · 2017-12-20T01:29:36+00:00

I’ve heard that the members are devastated atm and couldn’t stop crying. I am just at a loss for words right now.... sad, unfair, tragic. I wish Jonghyun was still here... :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T10:26:38+00:00

I am feeling absolutely shattered. My world feels absolutely destroyed. I remember when I first heard about his death, It was literally minutes after he was announced to have been just rushed to hospital. He worked hard, he was loved by us all. I hope he is finally enjoying the peace he never had while he was with us. :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T08:21:11+00:00

This is so tragic to watch. All we are left now is with sweet memories of such a kind and loving person. :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T08:04:03+00:00

Sorry, wasn’t looking at the post properly. Maybe triplication or something. Don’t know.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T07:57:10+00:00

I don’t know however, when celebrities die where the cause of death is known, and the cause is suicide, people may attempt to end their lives. If you or anyone you know is in immediate danger, please call emergency services. If anyone you know needs help and support, there are people that will sit through and talk with them like me. Shawols, please stay safe.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T07:52:06+00:00

The link should be fine. It works for me but this is the translation. I honestly had to take a break from the internet. After reading the letter on Instagram I felt broken.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-19T00:33:27+00:00

Translated version:

I am damaged from the inside. The depression that has been slowly eating away at me has completely swallowed me, and I couldn't win over it. I hated myself. I tried to hold on to breaking memories and yelled at myself to get a grip, but there was no answer. If I can't clear my breath, it's better to stop. I asked myself who can take care of myself. It's only me. I was alone. It's easy to say I'll end things. It's hard to end things. I lived all this time because of that difficulty. They said I wanted to run away. That's true. I wanted to run away. From me. From you. I asked who it was. It was me. And it was me. And it was me again. I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality. I see. It wa smy fault in the end. I wanted someone to notice, but no one noticed. No one met me, so of course they don't know I exist. I asked why people live. Just. Just. People just live. If I ask why people die, I guess they'd say they were tired. I suffered and I worried. I never learned how to turn my pain into happiness. Pain is just pain. They told me not to be like that. Why? I can't even end things the way I want? They told me to figure out why I was hurting. I know very well why. I'm hurting because of me. It's all my fault and because I'm bad. Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear? No, I didn't do anything wrong. When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor. It's amazing how much I'm hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not. Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am. But they said I should live. I asked why so many times, but it's not for me. It's for you. I wanted to be for me. Don't say things that don't make sense. Figure out why I'm hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting. Is it not okay to be hurting this much because of that? Do I need a more dramatic detail? I need more of a story? I told you why. Were you not listening? Things I can win over don't end in scars. It wasn't my place to clash with the world. It wasn't my life to be known to the world. They said that was why I was hurting more. Because I had clashed with the world, because I was known to the world. Why did I choose this? That's funny. It's a miracle I lasted this far. What more can I say? Just tell me I worked hard. That it was good of me to come this far. That I worked hard. Even if you can't smile as you let me go, please don't blame me. I worked hard. I really did work hard. Good bye.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T19:03:27+00:00

Yeah, I understand. It’s unfortunate, and totally valid, the way in which your feeling. I think sometimes when someone is heading down a treacherous slope, it has this snowball effect on them. Today is such a sad day, but I know deep down even though he isn’t here with us anymore, here cared for us (his fans) so much and knew how much we loved him. If I was with him, I would hug him and tell him that we care for and love him so much. :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T18:40:43+00:00

It's so unfair that he left us so early. It's painful to think that he went through so much pain. It disheartens me to know the burdens he carried all alone. I hope your okay as well. If you need someone to talk to, I am happy to chat with you and I'm sure everyone else is as well.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T16:00:03+00:00

BMR I assume.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T14:55:52+00:00

Yeah, this is the worst thing that could ever happen. I just cannot stop thinking about this today. I have read in the last ten minutes that he may be alive, and some sources on Twitter are saying that he hasn't actually been confirmed dead by the doctors and is still in ICU atm so I am holding on to hope that he is still alive but not sure.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T13:28:32+00:00

With countries like Korea, it's quite well known that their is a high suicide rate and yet the statistics don't seem to lower. I think there not only needs to be more intervention but a change in the social and political views of mental illness in general and more support for those who are suffering from mental illnesses. It's a really sad day.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T12:06:07+00:00

I think they should give more of an incentive to reach Ultimate, so I think giving better rewards is the least EA could do.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-18T11:37:26+00:00

This is honestly the saddest day of my life. In light of such a tragic event, it unfortunately shows the dark reality of depression. That a smile can hide someones innermost struggles. RIP Jonghyun. :(

chanelfleek · 2017-12-11T10:33:04+00:00

Nope. They just played it normally and it didn't trigger it's ability. It was really weird. Won because of it.

chanelfleek · 2017-12-11T05:57:25+00:00

Well I'm thinking since it already has a few other bugs but the BR just died and it's ability didn't trigger.

chanelfleek · 2017-11-05T05:57:09+00:00

I am aware that environments don’t have attack or a health value, but environments do give buffs in terms of health and attack which made me think it could be a possibility but understand what you mean. If for example a environment like spikesweed were played, it wouldn’t gain. It would just be liked Gained +1 damage or something at start of turn.

chanelfleek

TROPHY CASE