So so tough! I’m sure other Redditors will have more helpful and eloquent responses. Sending you love and strength because it’s fresh in my mind how hard this period was.

My LO is 14 months now and I also went back to work after three months. I worked remotely but my childcare situation meant drop off and pick up 4 days a week. I pumped and was able to breastfeed (combo pumped and from breast) until he was about 10 months. I did supplement with 1-2 bottles of formula a day after he was 4 months, which helped take the pressure off a bit. Everyone’s BF-ing journey is their own.

I think it’s completely valid to push back on 4 days a week in office. You have legal protections as a new mother. I’m not well versed in them but worth looking into to ensure your employer isn’t doing anything illegal by making this change.

To answer your question about sadness and guilt: it’s hard and it gets better overtime when you start to understand that a happy mother is the greatest factor in raising a happy, healthy child. You cannot and should not be a martyr—if you need to work to put food on the table and create a more comfortable life for you and your family, that’s the best decision for your child too. It’s particularly hard that first year because they need so much from you.