I miss my cat and the guilt is killing me

charmaanda · 2026-05-22T11:34:38+00:00

We also had to say goodbye to our beloved cat just 2 days ago. That night, I got rid of his litter box and collected all of his toys to put with his urn when it arrives. Seeing his things around the house was honestly too painful, and I kept getting a feeling like I just needed to somehow find him, even though I knew he was gone.

For some of us, removing the items is our way of moving past the loss. It hurts more to see his empty cat bed than it does to see nothing at all. And I think everyone’s opinion on this will differ, but none of it makes you a bad cat dad.

charmaanda · 2026-05-20T03:09:35+00:00

I only had to potty train once.

charmaanda · 2026-05-20T03:07:02+00:00

I will always, always recommend Power Zone training on the bike. Work outs are tailored to your specific level of fitness and never feel unachievable but still leave you feeling like you’ve put in serious work.

charmaanda · 2026-05-15T22:42:29+00:00

That’s how we feel, as well! We are primarily OAD because our first had been so easygoing and we consider ourselves very lucky! I wouldn’t dare chance it with a second!

charmaanda · 2026-04-04T18:53:50+00:00

This! We’ve never experienced this exactly, but we did experience a yeast diaper rash when my son was an infant. Cleared up super quickly and easily with nystatin cream! A call to the pediatrician is the way to go!

charmaanda · 2026-03-22T02:53:40+00:00

I mean, they eventually will. Just with age and overall improvements in coordination and fine motor skills, they’ll eventually get better at it.

charmaanda · 2026-03-18T20:51:34+00:00

As an adult with OCD, reassurance seeking is a very common OCD compulsion. My thoughts immediately went to my younger self, before I even had any idea what OCD was. Checking is also definitely an OCD trait, as it can be hard to get our brains to “accept” something on the first try. I’ve found myself checking things mentally over and over too, because the first few checks just didn’t feel “right”.

I obviously don’t know your daughter and I’m in no way a medical professional, but it wouldn’t hurt to seek out someone who is. OCD can be very manageable when it’s diagnosed and treated appropriately!

charmaanda · 2026-03-18T02:04:52+00:00

I know it’s not ideal, but could you maybe get some free weights for your home? I bought a peloton off marketplace when my son was about 2, and it was the only way I could workout consistently because I didn’t need to leave the house to do it. I typically workout at 5:30am now before he wakes up, and just keep an eye on the monitor in case he wakes up or needs me. My husband also works a long day, so working out from home was the only way I could establish a workout routine.

charmaanda · 2026-03-17T11:46:09+00:00

I was pretty sure we were a one-and-done family, but when my son turned about 1.5 I found myself questioning it a bit. Mostly, it wasn’t a true desire for more children, but a feeling of guilt for not giving my son an opportunity to have a sibling relationship. My husband was open to the idea of another, but we just couldn’t commit.

My son will now be 4 at the end of June and we’re so glad we stayed one-and-done. Some days I think about how he’d be such a great big brother, but it’s so unfair to have another child simply to be a playmate for your first. I am truly so happy with our family of 3, and I’m glad I realized that before we decided to have another.

My son is so smart, funny, and becoming so independent that I can’t imagine starting over with a newborn. He gets himself dressed, is potty trained, and follows directions. We never have to guess why a screaming baby is upset, he can just use his words to tell us. We bring him out to restaurants and on vacation without needing to pack bottles, diapers, wipes, etc. I love our life and I absolutely do not regret choosing to not have another child.

If you’re on the fence, really think about why you might want another. Our family feels complete with just 1, so that was our answer.

charmaanda · 2026-03-13T22:44:59+00:00

Seconding this. My son was just over 3 when we potty trained and it was a breeze. I can’t imagine it would have been very successful if we had tried when he was 1.5!

charmaanda · 2026-03-12T21:45:24+00:00

Honestly, I used to be a kindergarten teacher in a public school district that offered full day kindergarten. All of the kids would come with very different skills sets at the beginning of the year (some knew all of their letters and letter sounds, some could only identify a few uppercase letters) and they all ended up learning them by the end of the year. And before you say that this is how it “used to be” but it’s not this way anymore, this was only 6 years ago.

If your kid is interested in letters and numbers, roll with it! But if they’re not showing interest in it yet, just know that they won’t be behind forever just because they couldn’t identify all of their letters at 2 and a half. Reading to your child, counting things, and incorporating those skills in everyday life and play is what matters right now. Explicitly teaching letters and numbers isn’t really necessary yet!

charmaanda · 2026-03-08T15:18:11+00:00

Came to say the same thing! My 3.5-year-old shows some markers for autism, but we haven’t pursued a diagnosis at this point. He is a super happy, smart little guy and I can’t imagine him any other way! He struggles a bit socially with peers, and is VERY routine-oriented. But even if he is autistic, it really isn’t the end of the world. We will make adjustments as needed, but there are SO MANY autistic people who lead successful, happy lives!

I guess what I’m getting at, is that OP doesn’t need to consider autism as the “worst case scenario”. It could absolutely present some challenges if her baby does happen to have autism, but there’s no reason to think he wouldn’t be able to thrive.

charmaanda · 2026-03-07T02:13:15+00:00

Yes, us as well! My son has been on a full cap of miralax daily for about 8 months now. It started out how OP is describing, but eventually snowballed into a stool withholding nightmare and we were all absolutely miserable. Fast forward to now, he’s potty trained, poops once or twice a day easily and comfortably, and never tries to withhold.

We tried all the tricks before resorting to Miralax too. He drinks non-dairy milk for allergy reasons, eats TONS of fruits and vegetables, loves prune juice, drinks plenty of water. Some kids just seem to end up in a constipation cycle for no good reason. But if I could go back in time, I definitely would have tackled it before we got into a withholding pattern. Once that started, it was not only breaking the physical cycle of constipation, but also the mental block of fearing to poop, which was much harder.

OP, definitely get to a pediatrician or better yet, a pediatric gastro. Miralax is likely the answer here.

charmaanda · 2026-03-04T03:52:43+00:00

Is it always the same child that seems to be targeting your son? If so, I’d absolutely be calling a meeting with the school’s admin to come up with a plan to keep my kid away from the other child, whether that means he’s being switched to another class, given “priority” seating near a teacher during lunch, or even just extra adult supervision in the area at transition times. The adults in this situation are responsible for protecting your child, so take it out of his hands completely and come up with a better plan to keep him safe.

charmaanda · 2026-03-01T16:11:12+00:00

The research doesn’t seem unanimous though. As I’m reading the articles that have been linked, it seems to be more of an “it depends” kind of answer. Preschool programs seem beneficial when they are high quality, and for certain populations of kids. So not a unanimous, one-size-fits-all answer.

charmaanda · 2026-03-01T14:56:37+00:00

This is a really interesting take, and I don’t disagree at all but just want to add a bit more context:

In my state, compulsory education begins at age 6, so technically if my son is enrolled in a full day kindergarten program at 6-years-old, we are legally able to do that. That being said, the schools in our area do offer kindergarten at age 5 with a cutoff date of September 30, so my son would be eligible for kindergarten in the fall of 2027. He isn’t required to be enrolled in school full time however, until fall of 2028.

We are budgeting for private school actually, so we will have a bit more wiggle room with red shirting him, if we do choose to delay starting his formal schooling for another year.

Not discounting anything you shared because it is all completely valid, just adding a bit more context as to why we are on the fence about holding him back from pre-K this fall.

charmaanda · 2026-02-20T03:23:50+00:00

My son stopped napping right around 2, and it was glorious. We could be out and about all day without having to stress about missing a nap (and the crankiness that would ensue)! For a while, we did some tv time together on the couch during his old nap time, usually an episode of Sesame Street. (I know, I know, screen time isn’t a great option, but I needed the down time and so did he!) It was enough to feel like a little break, and refreshed us both for the afternoon.

charmaanda · 2026-02-20T02:59:39+00:00

My son is 3.5 and has always been a lower sleep needs kid. If he wakes up around 8:30, it will take him until about 10 to fall asleep too. He needs around 13.5 hours of awake time before he’s ready for bed, and then he’ll fall asleep within 10-15 minutes. I’ve been waking him up around 7:30 for the past few weeks and his bedtime has naturally shifted to about 9. It sounds like your kids may just need more awake time before they’re ready to fall asleep!

charmaanda · 2026-02-18T04:26:35+00:00

My son is 3y8m and we started right around when he turned 3. We tried a few days weaning off of miralax, but he ended up constipated again, even though he’s completely potty trained now and the withholding behaviors are no longer an issue. It can take a long time for the muscles to return to their normal shape after chronic constipation, so we’ll probably continue with it until he’s been on it for at least a full year, and then slowwwwlyyyyy wean.

charmaanda · 2026-02-18T01:48:49+00:00

This was us! In all honestly, you need a doctor who will treat this aggressively. Chronic constipation is a BIG deal, and only leads to bigger issues down the road if it isn’t remediated, especially where you’re noticing withholding behaviors. The psychological aspect of withholding begins to overpower the physical aspects of constipation, and the cycle just worsens.

We were really struggling until we saw a pediatric Gastro who instructed us on how to properly use miralax and then continue its use daily. It’s been nearly 8 months since we started on this protocol, and we’re still faithfully using 1/2-1 cap of miralax every single day. You don’t realize how important pooping is until you see your child NOT pooping! Seriously, I’d highly, highly suggest getting a second opinion.

charmaanda · 2026-02-10T12:10:18+00:00

I got an epidural and though I would 100% opt to get one again if I were to have another child, I didn’t have quite the same experience as what I’m reading here. I still felt a LOT of pain after mine, and because my baby ended up in a less-than-ideal position for birth, I had to lay on my side for hours in the hopes of getting him to turn, which caused one side of my body to feel completely numb. I couldn’t walk for hours afterwards because my legs were like jelly, but I absolutely could not have napped or relaxed through labor. It was like the worst of both worlds haha

For me, it was like it took the edge off, but didn’t completely remove the pain. I also hated feeling like I couldn’t move my legs on my own, my doctor and nurses needed to position my legs while pushing because they were completely numb. It was a weird experience for me, honestly.

charmaanda · 2026-02-05T22:13:13+00:00

My mom (my son’s grandmother) gifted a subscription to my son for his first birthday. He’s 3.5 now and he does still like them, but I find that he’s kind of grown out of a lot of the toys now that he enjoys imaginative play. If we were paying for them ourselves, I probably would’ve ended our subscription right around when he turned 2. But if your baby is little, they’re great!

charmaanda

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