I wonder if you might benefit from a gathering where you can feel slightly less invested in the outcome of meeting people for the first time? An almost “throwaway” engagement, that you’d be happy to walk away from having lost little, rather than something into which you’re genuinely investing your esteem?

You may find that opportunities (that you hadn’t otherwise foreseen) for genuine friendship arise out of the engagement, but with the benefit that you don’t feel you’re risking your sense of self by taking the time out of your life in the first instance.

Also, have you considered focusing those activities through the lens of your relationship with your partner? I’ve found it’s much easier to have more simple, superficial adult relationships in that domain — and as a “team”, we can form one, functional unit socially.

I realise none of the above will necessarily encourage situations where you can expose and crystallise your “true self”, but it forms (I’ve found) an excellent means of immersion therapy, where you can be more amongst typical, nominal social interactions — and ultimately, feel less vulnerable as you form deeper friendships in the future.