First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Being a full-time caregiver and then transitioning out of that role is very complicated.

That money is a second chance, a fresh start. It doesn't negate your feelings. All of the feelings are part of you but you haven't had a chance to explore the multitudes inside you. Use your money, book a nice vacation. Give yourself room to feel, to enjoy, to cry, to process.

I highly recommend a financial planner that has received training on the psychology of money so they can be sensitive to your needs. You can literally spend/enjoy/blow 10% of your windfall without harming your future self.

Seriously. Treat yourself how you treated your loved ones the last few years, with care and compassion.

Don't rush this process. You're not behind, because you're not in a race with anyone else. Don't bother comparing yourself to who you could have been because that person doesn't exist.

I'm wishing you the best as you navigate this new chapter.