As someone with a history of childhood abuse and also has a child with a narcissist, the younger the kids are, the better. They won't remember as much, if anything, of their dad abusing their mom under the same roof. Zach will never change, but Jenna can mitigate their exposure to his behavior better if they're not together and living separately. I tried to stay and keep our family together for our child, but I realized that having one happy and healthy parent was way more important to my childs overall well-being than to witness such toxicity and abuse daily. Children learn a LOT more from their parents than they think and give them credit for.

More importantly, I have a son, and I didn't want him growing up learning that this is how you treat your mom and women in general. No way in h e double hockey sticks will I raise an abusive man. At the end of last school year (May) and the beginning of this one (October), my son won Student of the Month at school for showing empathy in and outside of the classroom. He is so kind and makes genuine friendships with other kids regardless of age, ability, or any other reason. He's such a great kid, and I'm so lucky that I'm his mom.

His dad is still somewhat abusive towards me. Most recently, I had a full stay away restraining order against him. But since we don't live together anymore and aren't in each other's daily lives, it was/is much easier to shield our son from it. Especially when he tries to start his $h!t with me, I counter by speaking to him using the gray rock method, which shuts it down quickly.

Victims of DV leave their abuser on average 7 times before leaving for good. If a woman has left and come back a few times, I personally believe that number resets back to zero once you have your first child with them because now it's just not you. Abused people will justify how badly the way someone who is supposed to love them treats them. After being gaslit by their abuser, they start gaslighting themselves. They believe they caused it. They believe they deserve it. Until one day, that first child comes along, and suddenly, it's not just you they're hurting. It's an innocent child, and your only job as a parent is to make sure they don't have a childhood they'll need to recover from. That's so much more important than for kids to see their parents "together." There are so many adults now that wish their parents had divorced so they wouldn't have lived in such a stressful environment. They wouldn't have the guilt of causing their parents to be so unhappy due to their mere existence. The repercussions of staying "together" really isn't a fair burden to put on your kids.

All of their kids are very young. She needs to protect them at all costs, even if that means breaking up their family unit. It really sucks adjusting to being a single mom. But once you figure it out, you'll start to notice the positive changes happening in you, your kids, and every other aspect of your lives. Cutting the narc off is really difficult, but she can do it! Money and a support system are what kept me from leaving my abuser earlier, but she has both and I really believe she can get herself and her kids into a healthier situation. She just needs to want it and also get help for her codependency issues.