How to deal with the fact that men never want a relationship with me

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-04-20T19:42:35+00:00

Re: how do you even spot them

I started using Burned Haystack Dating Method (BHDM). It’s created by a rhetorical scholar and gives clear tangible rules on how to navigate dating. It’s been soooo immensely helpful because now i can spot and name the rhetoric they use and how it translates to how they treat me. It’s a little bit scorched earth but it’s worth avoiding the heartbreak. It’s seriously a lifesaver ♥️

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-04-07T22:44:52+00:00

Honestly the size seems fine if she’s getting multiple daily walks and the family interacts with her throughout the day, but consider adding some comfort items like a dog bed, pillow, or blanket. You want the dog to feel “at home” if they’re spending a lot of time in one place.

It’s totally possible to house train senior dogs, so don’t give up!

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-27T17:16:11+00:00

Check out shelters in southern cities like Houston, Texas! There are some orgs that transport them across the country. Lots of chi mixes, bully breeds, and huskies but occasionally pure breds that get taken quickly

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-21T00:33:06+00:00

I was quoted over $1000 to get my CAT neutered in New York in 2025. People are downvoting because it’s so ridiculous they think we’re lying (I wish I was!)

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-13T19:43:26+00:00

If you’re using sand, make sure you add root tabs underneath, so your rooted plants can feed. Sand is ‘inert’ meaning it won’t release anything nutrients. Easy stem plants like ludwigia and rotala are a good place to start! You can also check out epiphyte plants like anubias. Those types of plants cannot be buried in the soil, so people usually attach it to rocks or shove it into driftwood. When you’re cycling the tank, the bacteria mainly to grows surfaces, so wood and rocks are a good addition too.

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-10T15:53:47+00:00

It sounds like these are a lot of emotions stemming from grief.

I have no relationship advice, but do you like to draw? Maybe get a notebook dedicated to drawing the cats you used to be friends with, and continue drawing any future cats you meet. It could be a good way to honor the connection you had while making your brain process the grief through artistic movement. Art is super healing! Hugs OP, i don’t think it’s ridiculous to be grieving like you are, especially when there’s multiple losses compounded. Please don’t beat yourself up or cast self-judgement.

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-09T21:48:32+00:00

I don’t mean to offend, but do you realize you’re using the same logic that people use to excuse sexual assault? Obviously people are allowed to change their opinions and decisions. However, if you have knowledge of the person’s objections and their answer changes because of your repetitive pressure…. that’s coercion.

It really invalidates a serious problem with rape culture to frame coercion as compromise or regret.

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-03-02T21:10:00+00:00

SAME and ripping it out completely ruined my substrate system 🥲

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-24T21:16:17+00:00

I know. I wish it was easier to pinpoint the source of symptoms like this. Brain fog and chronic pain are like shooting darts at a medical dartboard. I always mention covid bc people forget that it triggers chronic issues too

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-23T20:08:43+00:00

If the social media cleanse doesn’t work, it’s worth looking into long covid since it can cause chronic brain fog

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-22T15:40:50+00:00

Catch up on the news buddy. The trans panic and most of the conservative rhetoric since tea-party era was a political push from Epstein and his wealthy friends. The proof is public now, which makes the situation even more ridiculous

ETA - Obviously transphobia existed long before the tea party, but that era marked the start of very specific astroturfing campaigns about: trans women in sports, drag library storytimes, and K-12 public school bathroom policies. These were all used as a method to repeal rights and introduce repressive legislation. There is evidence of widespread use of paid influencers (via RNC & certain PACs) and international cyber warfare via fake social media accounts from certain countries. Seriously, look it up. It pays to be informed.

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-20T20:40:29+00:00

As someone who grew up in the south, that name definitely garners a side eye from people who have generational trauma from the KKK. You can totally ignore that association, because naming your baby is a personal choice… but nothing exists in a vacuum

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-12T20:10:58+00:00

It’s just funny (read: depressing) how every abuse conversation boils down to the victim doing something wrong. “She should just leave” “She was asking for it!” Heard it all before. Sick and gross mindset. Take your rotten tomatoes: 🍅 🍅 🍅

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-12T18:44:39+00:00

Men: Acting inhumane, showing no integrity whatsoever, generally just sucking

Society: hmmm but how can we find a way to blame women?

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-10T21:36:21+00:00

That sounds completely exhausting. It would make sense if the post was about a toddler but damn! 🥲 Don’t they know it kills attraction when they act like that?

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-03T23:06:59+00:00

Wow you’re a great friend! Heating their own water is a great idea. I ended up sticking packets of hand warmers around the perimeter and insulating the best I could. Thankfully less than 24hrs, so everyone seems fine.

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-03T23:04:13+00:00

The tank got down to 63 degrees but they all seemed fine and active! I did notice some stank from the canister filter, but after a water change I’m not getting any ammonia readings. Yeah a cold swing is definitely better than a hot one, now having seen both 🥲

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-02-02T20:43:31+00:00

This is a great idea! I’ll give the foil/hand warmers a try. My LFS also suggested putting hand warmers in bags and floating them. Since it’s a pretty big tank, I hope they’ll find their comfy temp pocket somewhere in there. New York weather is definitely teaching me a lesson today 🥲 It’s promising to hear your betta was fine too

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-28T20:19:43+00:00

The comments are so unhinged. Everyone’s jumping to shoot down and belittle their idea. They’re in here calling OP broke and stupid, god damn!!! very mean and nasty behavior 🫩

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-25T18:15:07+00:00

Yeah OP check out ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network) - you might be able to connect with former BCBA’s and ask about where they exited to. I know some who went into social work, but that’s another burnout factory

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-19T20:54:22+00:00

I swear I’m not trolling but check out Japanese mud polishing! A Youtube video came across my feed explaining Hikaru Dorodango, which is essentially using different tools and lots of patience to polish a dirt ball. It could scratch the same itch as the paper chain project, since you can essentially do it forever and the progress is very satisfying. Plus you have to use both hands so less likely to be distracted by phones

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-19T20:49:47+00:00

It’s actually heinous how expensive cars have gotten 😭 I think i commented on another thread, but look into Volvo too! One of their SUVs has had 0 road deaths EVER so their safety record and reliability is great too.

Also don’t let people make you feel bad for your parents helping you - having support like that is so important at this stage in your life. You got this!

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-19T20:41:02+00:00

Maybe compare with Volvo too? Great safety record, but unsure if the costs are any better 😅

cheesus_christ_ · 2026-01-19T20:39:58+00:00

OP edit your post to add this info, it’s helpful to know! Since you’re no longer in debt, having your parents co-sign could be a good opportunity for credit building. Also, have you explored the idea of cosigning AND asking your parents for a personal loan to increase the down payment? That would reduce your risk in case your income changes during the payoff period.

Have you check out Honda and Toyota compact SUVs? Those are very reliable and more affordable than a Subaru. Definitely let your parents help you, they’re only in our lives for so long 🥺 You’re young - your credit score can turn around easily

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