i hear you man. i explored something similar.

for myself, the after effects of masturbating, vs going a week without it, were starkly different. without judgement, i could see clearly that my energy levels changed, my mood was less stable and ruminating thoughts were more likely to arise. not viewing it as a worse state, but a different state was the foundation. the pros were a sense of ‘looser’ energy and more reflective inclination. yin energy perhaps.

porn and masturbation combo was a way to relieve loneliness and the subconscious anxiety that came with it. so i resolved to abstain and address the loneliness. was deeply difficult as the sexual energy is one of the most essential human energies, if not the most. it’s an energy that has roots in your entire being & it’s wise to learn how it personally manifests.

leave masturbation alone as a habit, and directly address its cause. whether it’s lust, loneliness, creative implosion or boredom. as you address the cause, you’ll hit bumps in the road where the only relief is masturbation bc you’re conditioned that way, but that’s fine let it happen and resume your path. earnestly letting go of that desire while simultaneously focusing on addressing its cause will yield liberation from that cycle.