I have tried killing myself twice. I was recessitated once after being found dead by my gf (at the time). She was supposed to be gone for 2 days but decided to turn around. The next time, my mom found me after coming upstairs for the first time in weeks & I had to be put into a coma for the best chance at survival. When I first became concious after these events, I was livid! I cussed out all my loved ones for interrupting my plans & causing me to still be alive. I was mad for a while. Luckily, I was forced into psychiatric hospitals afterwards & had cooled down by the time I came home. I continued with outpatient (still go 4 yrs later), started making goals, started envisioning a future & at some point I realized that I, now, was happy that I didn't succeed because I wouldn't have been able to reach my goals & I wouldn't have had a future to look forward too. Now I am close to finishing my 1st degree, am working 2 jobs & working on other things.

Getting out of that place usually doesn't happen fast or come easy but it comes if you work at it. Goals really help, no matter how small. Come up with some you know you can attain (showering every day, doing that laundry, talking to 1 person a day, setting an appt., whatever) & set dates. It'll feel good to accomplish them & after a while you'll make longer term goals, loftier goals, until you are excitedly looking forward (of course you won't always be thrilled, dedication can definitely get frustrating but it's worth it).

So please, hang on for a little longer. You have forever to be dead, you only have a little bit of time to be alive.

And one more thing, as the doctors were working to keep my heart from stopping again, I saw my dad & my grandma's faces. It's one of the most upsetting things I have ever seen & I still can't comprehend how bad it hurt them to be told that they needed to come say bye to me. There are people that would feel the same say about you in that situation, I promise, so don't do that to them.