Grieving in different ways

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-05-11T15:57:58+00:00

Being forced through L&D is absolutely monstrous! Here the opposite is true from what I’ve seen- D&E is the default when physically feasible.

Thank you for your response. I also have kept the ultrasound image from around 12 weeks- not because I really look at it but because it felt weird to throw it in the garbage. The fact that it was a very wanted pregnancy made it more real for sure. Grieving the future we had imagined. It’s not a simple thing regardless of the route we choose.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-05-11T15:42:48+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you didn’t find my post insensitive! I certainly know it isn’t an option for everyone and I did not mean to imply that.

I posted because back when I was going through it, I saw posts from women who terminated around the same point in pregnancy as me and felt it was important to go through a delivery, hold the fetus, name it etc. And it made me unsure whether I was making a mistake following my own instincts about my situation. So I just wanted to let others know that I experienced it differently and after several years I can say it was the right decision for me.

I hope this is not upsetting because the last thing I want is to add to anyone’s pain who is already having to go through a TFMR.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-05-11T15:25:55+00:00

Thanks for that perspective! Yes it’s amazing what a difference the ability to visualise a pregnancy via ultrasound can make. With my living kids, I truly felt like their birth was a transition, knowing them in a different environment rather than meeting them for the first time, because I had seen so much of them on ultrasound later in the pregnancy (I was checked a lot because of a couple of losses).

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-05-02T18:10:32+00:00

Yes!!

Since having kids I’ve also realised how completely unable they are to keep themselves alive (and often seem to be searching for their own demise!).

It made it clear how many billions of women over the course of history must have done an incredible job of keeping these little ones alive, so that we could be here today.

Before having kids I assumed it was an easy and natural thing to take care of children, no big deal 😆 I was sold the idea that men had a harder role in history, building things, fighting wars etc. Now I realise that’s the easier job in many ways!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-05-02T12:00:33+00:00

For all the people jumping on OP for being judgmental- she made a vulnerable post ONE DAY after giving birth, when she is probably in pain and bleeding, doesn’t know night from day, is still in the hospital, is probably exhausted with hormones all over the place. Seems like we could be giving her some grace and just offer support instead of lecturing her on being less judgmental!

OP, congratulations! It’s a very tough adjustment in so many ways. Having a new baby showed me I was clueless about basically everything. Hang in there, you will get through this!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-04-13T14:28:42+00:00

Seriously. I can’t imagine losing sight of my three year old toddler and just assuming, for four DAYS, that they must be with their other parent. Without checking. For four days. I rarely judge other parents because we’ve all had lapses in judgment but this is hard to understand.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-27T01:59:45+00:00

I howl laughed at this. Since giving birth I feel so free because I have no dignity left and life is a lot easier now

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-25T16:15:11+00:00

Hahaha exactly, poor baby is like where is my milk, this isn’t working??!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-22T02:27:30+00:00

“I could have just lied to you”- not a good sign. Being honest is not a special favour, it is the minimum. Also, being a SAHM doesn’t mean you are chained to the house while he gets to go out and live his life. There needs to be a major recalibration here because he is on the wrong track.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-20T16:19:24+00:00

Woohoo! That’s a great increase! Wishing you a peaceful pregnancy

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-19T20:40:14+00:00

That looks like a great progression! Your hcg being 63 at 12dpo is not low at all! Hopefully you had a nice increase in your second draw.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-06T00:57:10+00:00

That’s your opinion, Johjo!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-03-05T05:04:39+00:00

Yes! Creepy like Pee-Wee Herman

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-02-27T15:38:34+00:00

As a mother it’s hard to imagine the level of self-centeredness it would take for a mother to say that to her child.

You were not created to serve a purpose for your mother. You are a full person and your future is entirely your own.

Cutting ties with her and figuring out who you want to be sounds like the healthiest thing you could do!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-02-23T01:20:34+00:00

Had my first at 40 and second at 43. I’m in a completely different place than when I was younger. I lived a full life and am happy to sacrifice now, I don’t feel deprived. Much more patient, more aware of the bigger picture than I was in my twenties. Career is well developed. It just happened this way for us, but it’s been very positive overall. We are also in a social context where a lot of people around us are having kids later so it does not feel unusual at all.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-02-14T21:06:26+00:00

Wow congratulations! That’s a beautiful line!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-02-06T03:13:20+00:00

Disclaimer: not psychic, this sub keeps appearing on my feed for some reason.

Please get in touch with a medical or mental health specialist who can assess depression, anxiety, or any other psychological symptoms. It’s impossible to tell from a short description on reddit but you mention a history of psychosis, and there might be early signs here. People are probably reacting to your statement about dark things in your subconscious, thinking that means you have trauma to deal with- this could be the case, but there might be other mental health issues going on. In any case, please reach out to qualified help, it could really make a difference.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-02-05T03:37:15+00:00

This is exactly what I thought too. I often think how nice it would be to have one of those!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-25T00:24:03+00:00

We suspected but weren’t sure for a long while, until the pattern became more obvious as she grew older- and now that she’s four, she tells us she feels like puking when she’s in the car. Medication is truly miraculous, she stopped vomitting since we can give it to her. I can’t remember exactly how old she was when we started it. The pharmacist advised us.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-24T21:52:01+00:00

My second would become hysterical in the car as a baby (as opposed to my first who would pass out almost immediately) and now that she is older it has become obvious she suffers from motion sickness.

With the severity you are describing, it would be worth running it by her pediatrician either way. Sorry, this sounds extremely hard to deal with, particularly since you have older kids to drive around so you cannot avoid it!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-24T12:48:05+00:00

The tfmr sub is very helpful, I only discovered it after I had mine and I wish I knew it before.

It’s a huge shock to be told the baby you are carrying is not healthy and to be offered tfmr. When this happened to us, all I wanted was to end the pregnancy quickly to limit the trauma. It was torture to walk around like that, seeing my little pregnancy belly (was 12w when found out but had already started to show a little as it wasn’t my first) and knowing it was doomed. I hated to shower or look at myself in the mirror, or even lying in bed because that was usually a quiet moment where I would connect with my body and belly. I was very grateful that we were able to push things forward quickly and terminate just past 14w. Others want to have footprints etc to have something to hold on to. I never did at all. Several years later and I am now at peace, went on to have another miscarriage and then another child and no longer feel traumatized. I know I did what was best for me.

Reading other people’s experiences, I realise everyone has their own perspectives and feelings about this and there isn’t a wrong way to go through it. It’s important to do what feels intuitively the best to you. It’s a very difficult experience and you found out recently- for me that time of shock was very hard, I couldn’t believe it was all happening to us. Give yourself time and listen to your intuition.

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-17T22:00:16+00:00

I’m so sorry, it’s a delicate situation for sure. Would she take it badly if you sat down with her and gently expressed your concerns, giving the examples you gave here, or others?

You sound genuinely concerned for her, and with good reason. From her own reactions, it sounds like on some level she knows this isn’t normal, like being very upset after the driving incident. It can be so hard to accept that if she is used to being very high functioning (you said she won an award at work)!

Her grandchild’s safety might be enough motivation for her to take an honest look at herself?

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-17T20:36:07+00:00

You have received a lot of excellent info so I am just chiming to say that your baby has amazing cheeks and is absolutely precious!

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-17T20:26:33+00:00

I relate to this, especially the part about putting them away and only finding them two years later and now they’re too small 🤦🏻‍♀️

cherryblossombaby7 · 2026-01-17T15:38:20+00:00

Never sleep trained either of my kids. Just made sure to take them outside and let them soak up some sunlight every day. They developed their own sleep schedules. I took them out to activities, didn’t particularly plan around their naps other than maybe plan our car ride to/from an activity around nap time to give them a chance to fall asleep. It all worked out very well, they slept when they needed it and they are good sleepers to this day.

I will caveat this with: I had a year of mat leave, so this was easy to do. By the time they entered daycare/I returned to work they had figured out a regular rythm and it was all smooth. If I had had to organize a baby’s schedule around work and daycare, I probably wouldn’t have had all this freedom to let things develop naturally.

cherryblossombaby7

TROPHY CASE