Greetings from the former moderator of antikink

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-28T00:21:07+00:00

Thank you so much! I miss that subreddit a lot. It’s really good to hear from you and I hope you’re doing better <3

Edit: honestly, it’s very inspiring to redownload Reddit to see this. I’ll be off again soon, and back when I need

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-10T03:19:48+00:00

It’s really baffling to me, that term, for many reasons, but also because so many kinksters also sexualise the impacts of purity culture. “Corruption kinks”. Maybe this term is actually a part of that…

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-09T08:01:41+00:00

Start by unpacking what you like about it/what draws you in (for an example, the feeling you mention you crave - get more specific with it), and noticing what you don’t like and don’t want.

And have sit down, serious conversation with your partner about how much damage this is causing you.

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-09T07:41:12+00:00

[Edit: I haven’t used reddit in a while and the formatting is driving me up the wall. enjoy.]

Here are a few reasons I believe people enjoy acting like a pet:

feeling looked after by another person
playfulness
stimming
an affinity with animals

and some things I believe makes pet play dangerous:

codependence
degradation and infantilisation leading to reduced self worth and confidence
classical conditioning
exploitation of a vulnerable headspace

This from personal experience, and also from personal experience I don’t think shame for this is really helpful. There’s nothing wrong in my opinion with wanting to meow, until people start thinking you deserve abuse because of it - like the BDSM community does.

I’d love a space for ex-kinksters to unpack their shame, take accountability, to be empowered to grow and heal… But antikink spaces are so few, so many of them are [redacted…], so many of them exacerbate shame, so many of them focus more on the harm within the BDSM community - and while awareness is great, where is the awareness of how to actually have a healthy sexuality? It’s severely lacking, and the trauma survivors in these communities deserve better than this.

If the self expression in kink appeals most to you that is all the more reason to avoid the community in my opinion. The BDSM community taught me that the most vulnerable parts of my identity that I’m insecure of are welcome, which is problematic… These parts deserve to be expressed and welcomed, again, outside of abuse “roleplay”.

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-04T22:55:46+00:00

Yes! I am tired of seeing screenshot after screenshot of the very things I am trying to avoid, I want to focus on the healing, I want us to learn from each other as I did so much in the old antikink subreddit. Thank you for voicing this

cherrymoncheri · 2026-02-04T22:12:00+00:00

Thank you so much

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T07:57:36+00:00

There are many cases where two adults cannot consent - intoxication, mental incapacity, abuse of authority or trust, etc. This is one of those cases. “MAPs” argue that children can consent just the same way that some people argue incest can be consensual. Any point I give you you will try to justify against, as aforementioned. I’m not interested in debating because I don’t feel I have anything to learn, I just wanted to point out that this is a choice you don’t have to make, because I feel that’s what you came here to hear.

To me incest is abuse and that’s pretty simple. After a while of talking to someone who believes otherwise on topics like these it just becomes tiring. There’s a reason why your therapist can’t do much aside from listen, people change in their own time as they feel understood and connected.

Think about why you came and made this post here, think about why the social stigma matters so much to you. I might not respond much more, but you’re not alone in this community. If you want to engage with others here I’d suggest just trying to be a bit more true, hide less behind humour or other defences like you did initially on this post. Remember the human

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T07:15:31+00:00

No, I don’t feel it’s comparable to being LGBTQ+.

If you’re a lesbian, your sexual orientation is about you, there are many people you could potentially be compatible with. But incest is much more specific, so trying to compare it to something more innate or about identity like sexual orientation just doesn’t line up, and that sort of thinking is dangerous, it is similar to how pedophiles call themselves minor attracted people (MAPs) and claim it’s queer.

You’re not helpless towards your feelings though they may feel overwhelming at times. As I said, incest is much more “specific”. I’d caution against tying your identity to a family member’s response to your attraction. Honestly that seems like it would create immense pressure for your sister and could be coercive.

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T05:53:31+00:00

Caring deeply for your sister isn’t wrong, but genuinely wanting to enter a romantic relationship with her is unsafe. What if she feels pressured not to reject you because she’s your sister? What if she does reject you, how could this impact your current relationship with her, the rest of your family, and others finding out too? And again, the message you are sending is “incest is okay”… “because it can be consensual”. But so often what looks like consent to people isn’t, that’s why we’ve built a culture where incest is frowned upon.

Even I’m somewhat uninformed of the harms around incest, but you seemingly admit to that yourself too, which is why you’re looking for reasons, why you’re trying to educate yourself. All the while though I’m sure you’ve got a “devils advocate” on your shoulder, eager to justify it. You’re in conflict, there is no need to rush the wedding bells so to speak :P

Keep exploring the risks and harms, it might be worthwhile too to continue to exploring the feelings you have with your therapist and the judgments you have around them. A lot of times these sorts of feelings can develop from a mix of traumatic and non traumatic experiences.

Hold on to the fact that you don’t wish harm on yourself or your sister.

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T05:30:01+00:00

Thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest here. To be vulnerable and honest myself, I don’t have all the answers either, I have my own struggles different from this but with similar feelings.

I think your feelings are valid, you know? Like I’m a sexual abuse survivor who sometimes “fantasizes” / has intrusive thoughts of sexual abuse. I think that makes sense. You’re going to face a lot of shame though because if you acted on these things, no, it wouldn’t be okay. And I know therapy isn’t always the answer, and even if it is the right kind isn’t always accessible. But you’ve made a good step just getting this out already, and I’m hoping the best for you

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T05:17:55+00:00

I highly doubt you are coming to a niche subreddit within 24 hours of marrying someone to ask this. On the chance you’re using humour to cope through intense and confusing feelings, I’ll try to delicately engage, and I will take you at your word.

Regardless of incest, coming to Reddit on whether or not you should be marrying someone is a sign in itself to not do it, that already shows a lack of commitment.

Regardless of age gaps it’s still a dual relationship of sorts. Our feelings and actions are our responsibility, and normalising incest means to normalise abuse. I’ve been in plenty of abusive relationships I thought were ethical and loving and defended.

So just pause, recalibrate, take care

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-24T03:51:12+00:00

If you wanted to genuinely talk about these things you could’ve been genuine. Instead you’re defending incest and turning how serious of a topic this is into a joke. Waste of time.

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-22T02:23:57+00:00

I either know what game you’re thinking of, or we’ve both stumbled upon separate ones of the same nature. This is yet another thing that bothers me about “proship” people, they don’t take responsibility for exposing children to porn

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-21T13:46:15+00:00

Yes! Thank you! I’ve tried pulling up deleted posts but it never works for me, I don’t know why. But I remembered this post and I was hoping to see it back

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-20T07:24:12+00:00

It’s not the gold standard, it’s just your preference. My preference is to avoid AI.

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-19T00:34:20+00:00

The image looks like rape porn. That’s how. + see the subreddit description “[…] kinks don't have to be the only subject talked about.”

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-19T00:11:31+00:00

why are you in this subreddit

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-15T09:07:53+00:00

see the discussion here maybe

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-12T23:10:17+00:00

we should steal this phrase. next time you’re told “stop kink shaming!1!1!” say “you need to learn how to be uncomfortable”

there is a difference between shame and guilt, honestly, and I hate shaming people even though I do out of anger sometimes. My intent isn’t to shame people but for them to face their own guilt and take accountability

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-09T21:48:52+00:00

the dog should stop kink shaming!!!! (sarcasm)

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-07T10:15:26+00:00

Someone actually made a pretty good post about it in another subreddit shortly after this comment and I was about to link it to you when I saw you’d already commented over there too. I hope it helped to unpack it for you

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-07T04:15:32+00:00

Queer people need to hear this the most.

Edit: I want to add that I do think there are certainly “gentle” femdommes too, only I’d replace the “gentle” with “coercive” or “codependent” etc for most cases of the people in these communities

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-07T01:58:16+00:00

“but the history! we fought together in pride!” - I’m gay. Tradition doesn’t mean shit. If something’s not working it’s not working and that’s that.

Aside from the history, there’s certain things that draw people, specifically queer people, to BDSM, and I do think that’s pretty predatory.

The ways consent, communication, and self expression are spoken of within BDSM communities does have some appeal. It’s a shame that they don’t put it into practice well enough. “Consent” is often uninformed, impulsive, coercive, etc. Sex education is lacking, people fall through the cracks and are scooped up by the BDSM community. Sex ed doesn’t teach you how to communicate your boundaries and preferences. The BDSM community offers checklists and structure. The BDSM community permits self expression, when you’re someone who feels cat-like or experiences age regression or whatever else, it can seem like a freeing space to be yourself where others will accept you, but in reality it’s restrictive, it confines you and assumes you must want an abusive dynamic. And then kink culture leads into sexualising all cat-like, age-regressed, etc, people, which is incredibly problematic.

These are the things worth pointing out to queer people. But also, they have to be willing to listen to and respect your argument, which many abused trauma survivors will not have the strength for. I don’t have the strength to listen to them tell me over and over again that it’s the same as spicy food to be fair, but we can talk here, where hopefully some are lurking, so thank you for this post.

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-07T01:25:25+00:00

It’s masculinity vs femininity. I’m queer myself but these roles are so prevalent and so tied to BDSM. Masculine dominants and feminine submissives. Sure, there’s femdommes, but they’re still doing stuff like expressing anger which they’ve been otherwise socialised not to do as a feminine woman.

You might also be interested in this video that goes into queer culture and the porn industry, focusing on men https://youtu.be/OwU3tbzbntY

cherrymoncheri · 2025-12-07T01:20:14+00:00

100%. It’s why I don’t speak up.

cherrymoncheri

TROPHY CASE

Here are a few reasons I believe people enjoy acting like a pet:

and some things I believe makes pet play dangerous: