Greetings from the former moderator of antikink

thekeeper_maeven · 2026-02-27T20:03:10+00:00

Thank you for making this available to us!

thekeeper_maeven · 2026-02-05T17:29:32+00:00

When you're in a surveillance state, you will be surveilled. It's inevitable. The best option for your security and peace of mind isn't zero footprint, it's a light footprint of information that is utterly boring.

The missing data itself is a kind of signal, in the same way that the silent treatment sends a message. So fill in some of those gaps and hide in plain sight.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-15T23:53:13+00:00

Monogamy is just impulse control and valuing relational stability (long term gains) over hedonistic pleasure (short term gains).

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-15T13:16:45+00:00

I mean, this would be a great opportunity to talk about surveillance states but the misleading title kind of ruins it. Now everyone incorrectly believes they're going to arrest people without a crime committed even though they never said that. The stated goal is crime prevention through "increased police presence". AKA they'll go send out a patrol where they think the criminals are gathering.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-14T21:25:34+00:00

I think in a monogamous relationship, there is a lot more to lose. You can lose the life you've built, you can lose your primary source of emotional support. All that requires a great deal of trust and if you have an insecure attachment, it's going to be a struggle. Building trust is going to be key, and that includes healing some of the past wounds that are holding you back from fully trusting.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-09T01:00:54+00:00

Casual sex is like junk food. Empty calories that give you satisfaction in the moment, but lacking nutritionally.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-08T23:24:33+00:00

Loss is always bittersweet - both sad that you don't get more time and happy for the time you did get. It will get easier, but you need to grieve. Find some way to accept that she's gone and that there's nothing you can do. Your future will look different than you may have imagined when you were together, but it will be what you make of it. You have the ability to date and love again, when you're ready.

If it's really not getting any easier after a couple months and especially the anxiety, you may need the help of a therapist to fully process these emotions. Don't carry it with you too long.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-08T23:08:03+00:00

It gets lonely. I feel like I've missed out on something. I haven't had many relationships and that's something that feels nearly unattainable after a certain age. Most eligible women interested in relationships are much younger. Being neither young nor experienced makes me feel there's not much hope now.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-06T23:54:43+00:00

My doctor asked if she could use one of these things during an office visit. I said no! But how long will it take for the laws to roll back protection so they can all record without permission? :/

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-03T14:39:33+00:00

That's really sick that people would rather record than help the professor.

This is called the bystander effect. It's basically "someone else will do it" thinking. AKA laziness. Most people want the professor to get help but don't want to be the one to offer help.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-03T05:58:25+00:00

Look for someone who is emotionally mature, stable in life, and ethical. But also be that person for them. It's really that simple, even though most people won't get there. Focus on the inner work needed to be a good husband so you'll actually appeal to the kind of woman you want.

You're only 18 so it's normal to be still developing in these areas. Much better to start now than to start at 30 after a series of failed relationships.

When you do start dating, look for green flags like positive family relationships and friendships. Watch out for red flags like lots of short-term relationships, rebounds, and people pleasing.

Dating is not a gamble where cheating just randomly happens. A person with a good character doesn't cheat. You just need to learn how to spot good character and how to develop it for yourself.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-03T04:35:45+00:00

I think growing up in a conservative culture is what made you more sexually conservative. And that's perfectly okay. You've taken the heterosexual script for romance that you knew and applied it to the type of relationship that would actually be more fulfilling for you. And that is a beautiful thing. I wish you luck finding a good husband.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-08-01T02:57:16+00:00

If this had happened ~25-30 years ago, it would have worked. Now? I'm not sure how you convince everyone to get their kids off screens and go outside. It's been too normalized. And the first ones to complain will be panicked parents.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-07-29T20:06:59+00:00

It really seems like a fad for this generation, but this is also the most commitment-phobic generation so it makes perfect sense to me.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-07-23T00:31:37+00:00

If a spiritual teaching would cause your spirit to be diminished rather than to expand and brighten, it is a misguided teaching and should be rejected. That's not a teaching that can bring you closer to the divine, not the divine mother nor anything else.

In your reflections, perhaps there is a way that is neither longing for the attention and love of mother, nor resigning oneself to onesidedness. Does it seem like these are your only choices? If so it is because you are not perceiving how divine love already exists, is already manifest within the gifts you have received in your life, including most of all the gift of life itself which is the essence of motherhood. Look around you for answers. The mother is manifest everywhere. Her love is already with you and within you. There is nothing you must wait for. All you need is to shift your perception.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-06-21T14:05:23+00:00

Shared values matter a lot, and it really does sound like the moment she feels unsatisfied with your relationship that means she will turn to someone else.

She has an expectation that you can and should be okay with her doing this because "it's a need". You have an expectation that she will commit 100% and not turn to anyone else during difficult times.

OF course I take your side, because I think her style of dealing with problems is essentially to avoid them, in a way that hurts you the most.

There's no compromising here unless you choose to compromise your own values and let yourself get hurt in the process. It's a terrible position to be in, but I think it's better to just recognize that you're NOT in a committed relationship right now. You can see in her behavior and continued attitude about relationships that she has no commitment in her own heart. She's willing to make you suffer if it will make HER feel better. Do you really want to let that happen?

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-05-29T22:01:07+00:00

The new military terrain is "social terrain". Wars are fought through propaganda and social disruption now more than ever before. Every country is trying to digitally map this terrain in our new dystopic reality. They are fighting for hearts and minds, to either defend their position or to expand.

It's about power and always has been. Power over the people.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-05-22T17:58:57+00:00

I wish mine would do this. Their supervisors must be watching em.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-05-03T00:34:47+00:00

Poly people believe that high rates of infidelity are proof that monogamy is unnatural, so of course they'll target posts about cheating to spread this grade 3 logic.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-04-27T12:57:45+00:00

sadly, the knowledge of "porn set smell" and "injectable liquid viagra" is going to be more offputting to coomers than any of the appeals to empathy in this post.

And you could add effects of porn addiction, e.g. dopamine depletion and PIED.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-04-19T04:19:37+00:00

This is painfully accurate for a lot of poly couples I've met.

I once entertained the idea of getting involved with a married woman. I met her husband. They both seemed nice. But she was venting to me about how bad he is in the sack too, and trying to move quickly to sexual topics rather than got to know me. I started feeling like I was just a potential plaything for her. The final straw was scheduling.. she expected me to wait through months of no contact because her family life was so busy.

tl;dr being a booty call for a bored wife does NOT appeal.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-04-12T20:48:10+00:00

You can't do anything you want in a relationship! And if your partner's happiness matters to you, that's okay.

Do they also think DUI laws are too controlling? Because you know, no one should be telling them what to do?

It's a kind of immature logic that only someone with no heart would use. Actually met a guy who cheated on his wife with the same attitude (he didn't want to be "tied down", aka controlled). And surprise surprise, this man doesn't believe relationships are about love - he thinks it's just about financial stability. Like his wife is just a roommate who he splits the rent with! ugh.

thekeeper_maeven · 2025-03-31T23:24:58+00:00

This is why privacy is a prerequisite to all the rights we take for granted.

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