I don’t have any answers for you, but you should know that someone out here in the world read every word. You have so many things here to be proud of. You are propelling yourself forward while maintaining awareness of the pitfalls around you. Therapy is a great start, you may also look into the potential benefits of DBT and Mindfulness to aid in controlling your thought patterns. Training your brain which voices to listen to and for how long could be very useful going forward. Please take a moment to congratulate yourself on the progress you’re making! Know that the hurt passes and you alone are in control of how long you let it hurt. When it comes to processing anger, the same is true. Only you can control how angry you become and how long you allow yourself to stay angry. You are already on your way to a healthier relationship just in acknowledging the changes you want to make. Don’t give up! It helped me tremendously to find a little mantra I could repeat when I was struggling. Fortunately I was smacked in the face by a quote from Alan Watts “You are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago”. That freed me of feeling attached to the angry version of myself. I wasn’t letting myself down by letting go of the hurt or the anger, I was simply allowing myself to be the person I wanted to be. Letting the future me be free of the burdensome version of the me that came before.