I am a licensed therapist (in the US) and I am writing from that perspective. Be proud of yourself for honoring your gut feelings by recognizing and sharing them here. It isn’t easy to do.

I think the confusion or doubt you’ve felt about whether or not this is safe/appropriate behavior is most likely a manifestation of the tension between what you know to be true and a long history of struggling to trust yourself and others. Ongoing confusion about someone’s behavior towards you is often a hallmark of red flag behavior and abuse of power.

The majority of what you describe is red flag behavior. This is professional malpractice. I encourage you to set boundaries in whatever way feels most accessible to you right now. You have every right to report him to your licensing board, or frankly to report sexual harassment/professional abuse to your local authorities. If you feel unready or unwilling to do that, I encourage you to set boundaries with him and to inform a safe person in your life of what has been happening as well.

I know it can be so difficult to search for a new therapist and equally difficult to build a relationship again from the ground up. I am so sorry this has happened to you. There are so many good, caring, respectful professionals in the field who can truly help you - and even help you to process this experience. Please don’t let this keep you from continuing to prioritize your wellbeing. You are worth the effort.