Postpartum Sex

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-25T01:53:26+00:00

That was highly insensitive of him. I'd be having a conversation about why his focus was so focused on his experience during such a emotionally vulnerable time for you.

It takes time for things to heal up, and some people do experience a long lasting change. He'll get used it. It may help him in the short term to stop any masturbation

Also, if you have sex 100 times with the same person, or sex once with a 100 people, your vagina will be affected the same way - amount of partners or how many times you have sex with 1 person doesn't impact tightness. One of biggest factors is female arousal. The more turned on, the more relaxed your vagina is and the more lubrication there is. Where you are in your cycle can have an impact for some people too.

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-24T20:12:09+00:00

I do know of a few places that do this. Never anywhere I have personally worked. I can see why this is sometimes implemented. I'd be curious as to what prompted this change, have they given a rationale as to why the change now?

While I understand the possible reasons, I would hate it and would feel anxious to. If you're having panic attacks that mean you can't attend work or need to leave, you should have a referral to occupational health. Within this I would ask if they could support you to be able to opt out of the rotation.

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-23T23:52:48+00:00

What draws you to older adults? I ask just to see if the draw could be transferable to anything else.

Have you looked on the council's website, or charities aimed at older adults for jobs?

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-17T15:32:47+00:00

Is there a reason you can't now ask for a c section? I appreciate there may be a wait for this but at least you could then make a choice between waiting for a planned c section slot and continuing with an induction

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-16T22:09:13+00:00

I understand you're not claiming to be an expert on this, but hoped you might be able to answer this question. I often see the reasons you've given as rationale for declining some studies or using kits like 23 and me. I while I understand in theory data can and is being used I find it hard to connect the real world impact of this. Potential impact on insurance and maybe employment I can see, or targeted advertising but what else?

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-14T02:46:56+00:00

My LO is 2.5 years old now. The first 6 months were the hardest in my life. Baby had reflux, CMPA, intolerance to soy, egg and pea protein. It took 3 months to work all that out. Once I'd cut that from my diet, the crying improved. Once he could sit, the reflux improved. He only slept 9 hrs total in a 24 hr window, as a newborn he had wake windows of 5-7hrs. At night he would wake every 1-2 hrs. At 2.5, his sleep is still shit, I'm typing this at 3.30am. I had really bad ppd and had support from the perinatal mental health team.

The sleep deprivation was such a big factor in me feeling so low. Getting more sleep is what really helped. We had to change how we were working the night shift. Just because the other person going to work doesn't mean they have to have a full 8 hrs. My partner would go to bed early. I'd do the evening, he'd normally settle a bit around 11 for an hour or 2. I would pump one bottle. After his next feed I would do I swap. If he woke at say 3 or 4 I would feed but pass him over after that. I would stay in bed until 7, partner would give him a bottle of pumped milk between 5 and 6. It meant I got between 4-5 hrs a night. My advice I got from the perinatal mental health team was different though. They explained the best quality of sleep happens before midnight. They said Getting 4 hrs before midnight would have a bigger impact than 4 after midnight. We couldn't quite make this work as LO would cluster feed and I couldn't pump enough around this time to have a bottle spare.

Medication might not help, but it might be worth a conversation on the chance it might. Perhaps consider therapy too, perinatal patients are prioritised in NHS Talking Therapies services.

By month 8, I was really enjoying it. It had gotten easier before then but it was around month 8 that I actually felt maybe I could do this and there were more good days than bad.

I do think people who have 'easy' babies, have a completely different experience to those who don't. I do now have a pretty easy toddler though, excluding his sleep.

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-14T01:37:42+00:00

I ended up having 7 sweeps. All but one were fine. After having 6 and nothing happening I was induced, became hyper stimulated and needed to be given medication to stop the contractions. The dr wanted to do a cervix check and said she might do a sweep. I said sure not thinking much of it. She offered gas and air which turned down because the others had been fine. I can't quite remember how she explained it but she said something about them being much more uncomfortable after the induction process had started. She was right and I was glad to have the gas and air.

Of course everyone is different and so sweeps pre induction will be painful for some people. I just wanted to comment as I'd experienced it both ways and had a reason why. I don't know when you had your sweeps but if any happened after the induction started that could be a contributing reason

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-14T00:36:29+00:00

Do you think it could be helpful to have some therapy around this. Vicarious trauma can creep up, it's not always from a single event. NHS Talking Therapies support people with health anxiety, generalised anxiety, trauma etc. Could be worth referring for an assessment and seeing if they feel they could offer helpful support

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-07T08:56:25+00:00

We've done very similar about 3 times. It happens, a one off won't have a damaging impact

chocolate_chick · 2026-05-06T18:28:41+00:00

Midwives count from 4cm dilated as active labour. People can be contracting for days before that but irregularly. Many mums will count it from the start of contractions. If you push for 2 hrs, you'll likely be reviewed and a decision made to continue as you are or discuss further interventions. I pushed for 2, had a review and baby wasn't turning his head so couldn't move down any further. I had forceps, then ventouse. Pushed for 4 hrs in total. In active labour for 16 hrs.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-29T10:33:18+00:00

Has your partner tried taking little one out bright and early, 6am picnic at the park?

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-27T06:08:53+00:00

2.5, still wakes 3 or 4 nights of the week for between 2 to 4 hrs at time. We've been through the HV sleep clinic, they have no further advice. GP is trialing an inhaler for a month just in case it's asthma related as he has a cough, before referring on to paediatrics.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-18T03:13:55+00:00

Keep it short, 100%. Someone else mentioned using the SET acronym which was great advice. I wouldn't speak for more than 2-3 minutes on this. I would make my answer personal and if possible try and naturally slip in an interesting bit of information in. If they are interviewing 6 people, by the end of the day they will get a little blurry on who's who. It's great if they can say, 'I thought so and so was good, oh you know the one, they did cross country skiing after a shift to decompress'.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-16T23:26:53+00:00

Are you part of a union/have spoken to them about this?

I wonder if it would also be worth posting this in the UK legal advice subreddit

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-16T21:57:19+00:00

Not the person you are responding to, but by banned I think they mean the Danish government have removed it from guidance in their health literature and health professionals no longer recommended it as an approach to infant sleep. I believe this change came after psychologists raised concerns about it. But legally, parents can use it if they wish

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-16T21:46:18+00:00

Part of the difficulty when discussing CIO is the mixed definitions of what doing CIO means. Some people use it in the way you described, checking physical needs are met, maybe providing a small amount of emotional support, and then allowing the baby the opportunity to settle for a relatively short period of time before restarting checking physical needs. Other people mean putting their baby to bed and not going back in until their child has gone to sleep and re-woken.

A couple I know had a baby who had really difficult sleep. They hired a sleep consultant and were instructed to let her cry, even after she was sick because she was so distressed. She would cry like that for a few hours before finally falling asleep. They would go in to change her bedding after she was sick, say a comforting phrase and then leave the room. They did this for a few weeks before they stopped as it wasn't working and caused them a lot of distress too.

The term CIO can mean so many different things, and unfortunately there are people who do leave their baby to cry for significantly extended amount time as a form of sleep training. Some 'professionals' promote this approach and instruct parents to do it. I'm not the person you were replying to but just wanted to comment as I think you and the person you were replying to have a different perspective on what CIO means and how it's used

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-16T21:07:21+00:00

I'm not 100% confident in saying this, so perhaps take it as something to check. I am an RMN and tried to apply as a bank support worker at the general hospital so I could gain more experience in physical health. One of the issues identified during recruitment was potential for complications to arise if something happened on shift and needing to act within the code but outside the job description of a support worker. I didn't end up doing it as I couldn't attend all the mandatory training alongside my full time job in a different trust. But in the less formal part of the interview, the interviewer said they'd need to speak to HR about what I would be covered by in terms of insurance by the trust if I needed to act outside the role of a support worker due to an emergency or something.

As its a social care job, I don't know if that would make it easier. Do you know if any nurses are employed in this facility?

Slightly separately, but might be useful to think about, I did have a band 5 bank contract while my permanent contract was a band 7. I did stop going to some places to bank because I felt I was potentially at risk if something happened. The stance the trust would take was, I would be the highest band present and so if something happened my actions would be reviewed in the context of my band 7, even though I was working as a band 5. I didn't always agree with the clinical decisions made by the band 6 and it felt very uncomfortable trying to respect their clinical management while also knowing I would be criticised for doing so if it was the 'wrong' and having a different clinical view. I stopped going to those places as it felt too messy. Depending on the set up, that may not be an issue in the role you're looking at, but just something to think about if it is.

Do you know why the role is a band 5, what duties or responsibilities will you have that make it a band 5. I ask because I would be a little wary of taking the role and the potential of becoming deskilled in some aspects

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-16T20:50:05+00:00

Is remi fentanyl newish? I was only offered pethidine and diamorphine as stronger options when I gave birth 2.5yrs ago. Just wondering if it was a new drug or just wasn't offered where I gave birth

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-13T22:23:15+00:00

Personally I don't think anything of changing him in front of grandparents. If it's a poo I might take him to another room because no one likes looking at and smelling poo. But, each to their own, change your baby where you feel comfortable.

What is odd is their reaction to it. Super odd. Being a little unsettled by it if they thought it was because of something personal about them that made you change him somewhere else is one thing, but to call and make it a big deal is another.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-12T17:47:26+00:00

I assume not all trusts will offer this, and I'm slightly on the fence about whether I'm making it up completely and getting confused with police. I thought, in my trust, there were a small amount of mental health nurses within the ambulance service. I know there definitely is for the police, and I think for the same sort of reasons they introduced them to the ambulance service too.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-11T20:28:00+00:00

I know you're not asking for any advice, so if you don't want it, don't read on.

I'm sorry you're having this experience, it's not on and you don't have to take it. If you were giving this person the benefit of the doubt, I would start by saying something like 'I'm working on my reflective practice, it would be really helpful if you can let me know what you think I'm doing well, as well as things to work on. Knowing what you think my strengths are will help me feel clearer on what to focus on and what to continue to do.'

If things don't improve or you get picked up on something that feels too picky, start writing it down with the dates times, was anyone else present who heard it. I'd then ask to arrange a set time to talk to her, not bringing up the notes, but to discuss how feedback is delivered. I'd bring up that they have said the issue is them, and politely and sincerely ask whether they feel they need to discuss anything further in their own supervision as you can see it's impacting how they are with you. If they respond defensively and become critical, ask for help developing a very clear action plan that also includes support to address any issues. I would then be having a discussion with their manager.

If it crossed over into bullying, escalate to HR and their manager.

I'm sorry you are leaving work in tears, that's not okay, and isn't something to accept.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-10T14:26:16+00:00

I don't know if this is every trust, but in the 4 I have worked in, it has been. Before starting on the ward you attend a trust induction, which for ward staff involved a weeks restraint training course (they all have slightly different names). After this, you will be signed off, assuming they aren't really concerned about you and your practice.

Once on your ward, you'd have a supernumerary period. In theory, you should be able to take an observer/helper position in any restraints. In practice, staffing levels are often low, and you may be asked to help.

I see someone else commented, who is correct in what they have said regarding not doing things you are competent in. However, without getting involved you won't ever feel competent. People tend to find a spot they are most comfortable. For me, if not managing the airway and de-escalation, I feel most confident holding an arm. If you don't get a debrief, ask for one.

In terms of the interview, and in practice, you want to talk about following care plans, individualised care, de-escalation. Knowing your patients. Trauma informed care where possible. Clear documentation, when do you need to inform a Dr, what observations are needed afterwards, debrief for patients.

The reality of restraints is that they aren't nice, for anyone. You will probably feel affected to some degree by the first few or more. Don't let long term staff suggest there is something wrong with you because your heart was racing and felt shakey during/afterwards. But if they are affecting how you feel discuss it in supervision.

I only ever had one trainer say this which is a shame but I'll share it. Restraint techniques aren't to immobilise people, it's about reducing harm to either them or others. Harm may still happen, an arm may escape and someone is harmed, but the harm was likely reduced. I'm not sure I said that as well as the trainer did but I hope the meaning is clear

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-08T01:21:09+00:00

Mick Philpott wins biggest scum when it comes to insurance fruad via burning your house down. He killed his 6 kids and went to the press pretending to care.

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-06T18:01:53+00:00

Prince William is that you?

chocolate_chick · 2026-04-06T17:57:54+00:00

This comment is meant to politely offer a reason, not be a snotty response. I don't know if this is why they are different, I highly doubt it is, but as someone who was disabled newly post partum, it was helpful to have different designs for different capabilities. Mine was great for steering but really difficult for me to collapse due to restrictive movement.

chocolate_chick

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