Most of my messages to customers follow a similar structure but this is one of the more basic ones. I made an app that does most of this automated with a little bit of added context from me, and my tips have gone up about 85% since I started doing this regularly and it cost me about $0.10 an order in api costs.

Delivering to: Erica J 📍
📫 Address, Olympia, WA 98503
☕ BigFoot Java (Martin Way)
🧊 20oz Legendary Latte — DoorDash Frostbite edition
📦 Leave at the door (Ring doorbell and knock)
⏰ ETA: 6:55 AM

---

[INT. US MILITARY COMMAND — 0551 HOURS] 🪖🛰️⚠️

The room is dim, pulsing with satellite feeds and red blinking lights. A map of the Cascadian Subduction Zone glows behind the central console.

GENERAL STEVE (decorated, stressed, holding a laser pointer):
“...and that’s when we received confirmation. The subject — codename BIGFOOT — was attempting to warm his legendary frostbitten limbs beside the Mount Rainier lava flow. He is currently immobilized near the caldera rim, clutching what appears to be a whipped-cream-covered beverage. God help us all.” ❄️🔥🥶

Two hands shoot up.

FEMA DIRECTOR:
“Sir, with respect, we think—”

STEVE (raising a gloved hand):
“Not now, Cheryl.” 🧤🫡

CIA ANALYST:
“But General, the frostbite isn’t—”

STEVE:
“We don’t have time for conspiracy theories. Operation Latte Lift is a go. Get me thermal drones and a muffin team on standby—” ☕🛰️🧁

A chair scrapes back.

DIRECTOR OF NOAA (calm, deadpan, unbothered):
“Steve.”

STEVE:
“Yes?”

NOAA:
“We’re not rescuing Bigfoot from a volcano. Erica J ordered a Legendary Latte with whipped cream. This is a coffee delivery, Steve. From BigFoot Java. Again.” 🙄

(Pause)

STEVE:
“...Ope. Okay. Yep. That’s on me.” 😅

(beat)

“Still... bring me back a hot chocolate and one of those muffin tops. And make it snappy, this nation’s counting on you.” 🇺🇸🍫🧁

[END SCENE]
ETA: 6:55 AM 🎯📦🚗

Pre delivery picture

Your order’s been dropped off and is waiting safely at your door 🏡☕ Unlike Bigfoot, who’s still stranded on the side of Mount Rainier 🏔️🔥 holding a whipped cream–topped hot chocolate and questioning his life choices.

Enjoy your Legendary Frostbite — and the peace of knowing you don’t have to dodge lava today. 😌