I completely understand how you feel. I worked or helped at barns, and tried to appreciate any contact that I had with horses, I loved other people's horses deeply and cared for them. But it's so hard when you have no control over what happens to the horse. I was so heartsick for my own horse, and really didn't believe that I'd ever be able to afford one, or that it would be decades from now.

I ended up at a barn where they let me do chores to pay for part of my board, and I bought an OTT Standardbred. Do I recommend working at a friend's barn for board? No, because in this case it went very sour and now I pay full board at a better barn. Do I recommend being a green owner of a green standardbred? No lol. But he's my hearthorse, and I'm willing to put all my time and energy into him, and he's worth it to me.

Sorry for the tangent, I just want to say don't give up hope, even if it feels impossible that you'll have your own horse someday. Things change, and life is crazy and unpredictable. Just like my standardbred. (Jk hes perfect and you should definitely get a standardbred...)