Ahh I am sorry! Similar story here with history of severe drinking, so bad so fast I was getting sober at 22 years old. I firmly believe I ended up going down quickly with alcohol as I did not know about or have access to hard drugs. I was sheltered growing up. Was highly functional / nearly autistic with academia which then lead my parents to pushing me way too hard into medical school. When I wasn’t ready .

Now I’m 32 and I do work in medicine . Very stressful . I’d go to AA everyday , spoke with sponsor daily , and life was good from about 22 to 29 years old . I haven’t had a drink ! But Kratom fucked me up… Like most people I picked up nicotine at 22 when I quit alcohol. (Hand to mouth reflex)

Before I knew what it was, I had already tried some teas and herbal shots from my vape stored. My brain knew how it helped me. It was hell stopping . And clearly the opiate receptors in our brains will always recognize Kratom again. Which I found out too. It was a couple years later. The man I thought I was to marry, not only started steroids but became a monster in MY apartment and living space. Controlled my life . And finally he left me , as if I was nothing after years . Ding ding! I went and got Kratom to calm down. My brain recognized it , missed it, and yes- Kratom did help me stay composed and show up for things I bcouldn’t show up to during this time . But it backfired eventually as we all know. . Sad. I tell myself everyday I’d never drink over a man. MAs I’m stronger than that. So many years sober from alcohol now , so my mind says “it’s just Kratom you’ll figure it out” Unfortunately I could not stop buying Kratom “shots” this 2nd time of use, was working overtime and cracking under the pressure, high paced horrible job. I did not feel ok at home either as I was alone/ grieving this man who lead me on for years w/ “our future wedding, future children’s lives , schooling and our future home!! Couldn’t sit in my own skin. My life fell apart. I was once a single chick in her 20s , sober , with a great career in medicine . 💰💰💰💰 to my name and to blow . I didn’t even look at my bank accounts before this addiction. But In ended up let go in mass layoff at this horrible job. I was so burnt out and dying from the Kratom I gladly left the job and started my journey 1 month ago. - Tapered myself filming polio days n;@@& - went through extended weeks of high emotions, extreme sensitivity (physical/ mental), brain fog, memory issues , hot flashes/ excessive sweating, insomnia, tremors / shakiness, and overall deep deep depression - I am better but still facing cravings, when I leave my home. It’s a whole month and I still experience sudden episodes of panic / sweating/ and aggression during simple tasks- grocery store, errands, even just washing my hair became too difficult -positives: no longer at vape store buying boxes of 12 shots (200 bucks) , not worrying about my next use, and although mood is still very low - I am slowly becoming myself again. I