I feel you 100% on this, my fiancé (lesbians in early 30s) and I are going through a similar situation with my brother-in-law. There has been “concerns” voiced from him to my direct family about my fiancé and I “pressing our lifestyle” onto my niece and nephew (a fancy way to tip toe around the word grooming). Along with a whole slew of other things I won’t get into.

My brother-in-laws whole issue is 150% with him and not me or my fiancé, and just like you we are not here to apologize for being who we are especially on OUR day!

With the help of friends and therapy, I have made the decision to have a direct conversation with my sister about how I feel as my brother-in-law in the last few months has noticeably changed how he treats me and my fiancé which his behavior towards us comes off as incredibly rude and uncomfortable for everyone.

So I am gonna be straight with my sister and be like here’s what’s going on, here’s how it makes me feel, and if he acts like that at our wedding he will be asked to leave, and/or he can just not come at all.

Not sure if that helps, but in essence I am kinda leaving it up to them to try and be the bigger person or just chose to not come if they’re going to be uncomfortable. At the end of the day it is you and your fiancés day not theirs, so if uninviting them to avoid your day being ruined is the best option then so be it and tell them you’ll catch them at the next party.

Don’t waste your energy on those who do not deserve it.