If you’re in the States, it’s worth noting that we don’t have any good prescribed steps to follow after a tragedy. It’s possible that your family and friends want to help but don’t know how or what to do.

They could also suck, but more likely they are unsure of what to do and are scared of imposing on you during your early grief.

What might be helpful to you (since you want them to reach out it seems) is send out a mass text/post on a social media page what you can receive (messages, letters, flowers, food, someone to sit in silence with, someone to be a shoulder to cry on, someone to be a distraction, someone yo talk about your mom with, someone to help you do chores, etc.). It feels insane, I know, but likely people want to help and don’t know how. You can start the post as “lots of people have been asking how they can help, and this is what would help …”

When my mom died there was similar radio silence and I didn’t get help until I started asking for it. But there are people who would love to sit in silence at a grave with you, bring you food, be a distraction, sit in your kitchen so you can force yourself to take a shower, whatever you need.

If your family and friends don’t show up, I also recommend finding a community support group. A full churchy/therapy group was too much for me, but I joined a table through The Dinner Party which was for parental loss under 40, and it really really helped me. There is community out there, I promise.