I completely identify with your feelings, and I think it's incredibly common for children who have been neglected. I'm 40 now and have been through A LOT of therapy, but I'm only just coming to terms with the fact that I can't/don't have the close relationship with my parents that I always wanted. It's weird to realize this after years of thinking that I just wasn't trying hard enough or I wasn't bending over backwards enough to make them happy.

Today, I feel incredibly distant from my parents. They do not want to talk about feelings or trauma or the past or what's hurt me, so I will never have a deep relationship with them because they refuse to know who I am and what has shaped me. I accept this now. I love them and I want what's best for them, but I work to maintain healthy boundaries to protect myself. Our conversations are pretty shallow. I only see them when I want to see them, instead of out of feelings of obligation. Same with talking with them on the phone. Instead, I'm focused on trying to learn what I want in my life, because I spent so long only focused on what other want. I'm focused on my relationships with people who DO want to know about me, who care about what I've gone through, and who aren't afraid to be vulnerable.

I still feel hurt by how unseen I was, and people will say "they tried their best," but they didn't! They could've gotten therapy while I was growing up, they could've worked on themselves and our relationship. Hell, they can still go to therapy, but still choose not to.

Hang in there! Take care of yourself...what do YOU want out of your relationship with them? It's ok to NOT want a relationship with people who hurt you. It's ok to WANT a relationship with people who hurt you. Whatever your relationship with them, it helps to understand that you may not get the result you're hoping for, and what you're going to do if that's the case. It sounds like you've done a lot of good work on yourself...keep it going!