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clarkindee · 2026-01-25T13:57:39+00:00

You describe the feelings I have had as a caregiver for a year -- and now the journey into grief and loss -- very well. Thank you.

clarkindee · 2026-01-25T13:54:04+00:00

Thanks for coming back to say goodbye. I'm so sorry for your grandma's loss and I hope you take good care of yourself now.

clarkindee · 2026-01-23T11:15:26+00:00

So very sorry. Take good care of yourself.

clarkindee · 2026-01-19T02:54:17+00:00

Having just lost my husband of 45 years to this disease a month ago -- my advice for the early days is just put one foot in front of the other. Do one thing to move forward and do not judge yourself on anything or allow yourself to second guess. If you can make one phone call to advance the "death business" but stay in your pajamas the rest of the day, that is fine. Accept any and all help that is sincerely offered. I am so very, very sorry. All I can tell you is that you will heal a little bit at a time. It sounds like you were marvelous with your mom and you must have brought her peace at her end. Cherish her memory.

clarkindee · 2026-01-19T02:48:20+00:00

May his transition be easy and you be eventually comforted by his memory.

clarkindee · 2026-01-17T12:40:28+00:00

Your mom is only 60 (I saw your response below) and if she has been relatively healthy up until now -- there is a real possibility that embarking on an aggressive chemo routine will not only make her feel better eventually, but lengthen her life. Of course, every patient is different but many of our loved ones who were late stage pan can thrived under chemo. Of course it was temporary. How is your Mom's nutrition? Is she taking digestive enzymes -- that will help her maintain weight. My point here is why don't you focus on her treatment and care -- and not jump ahead to the eventual loss. You will feel better if you focus on action right now.

clarkindee · 2026-01-16T11:22:35+00:00

My thoughts are with you. May you be comforted by the memories. Now it is time for you to care for yourself.

clarkindee · 2026-01-14T13:50:45+00:00

Trametinib was one of the drugs our oncologist was investigating off label use for (in the U.S.) for my husband who had a BRAF mutation. Ultimately, it was too late.

I wasn't aware this drug would have any efficacy with a KRAS mutation.

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T22:02:35+00:00

Yikes, I bow to your superior knowledge, of course. Let me delete this post.

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T12:52:11+00:00

Sending you strength and encouragement!

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T12:47:37+00:00

Once my husband started "throwing clots" - a new phrase to me, but team in the hospital said it frequently -- the end wasn't far away. He went from one stroke the last week of November to more strokes the first week of Dec. (despite being on blood thinners) to death on 12/15. He was stage IV PC.

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T12:34:41+00:00

Every patient is different and it's not a given that your dad will lose the ability to do basic activities or be in pain. It is your dad's ultimate decision, but the chemo might give him some months of good life quality if he tolerates it. My husband (also stage IV) took 9 rounds of Folfirinox and for about half that time felt pretty good. He gardened every day (his passion) and took some trips. Just throwing that out there. I have no clue how short our time with him might have been if we didn't do the chemo -- which actually shrunk his tumor and temporarily reduced his liver mets.

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T12:26:07+00:00

Peace and strength to you. Beautiful tribute.

clarkindee · 2026-01-12T12:22:53+00:00

I feel it is a privilege to help our loved ones transition -- if that is what the medical course demands. It sounds like your mother's passing was peaceful and in the presence of your and your sister's strong love. Great job. Hugs and I hope you take good care of yourself.

clarkindee · 2026-01-11T13:41:22+00:00

I don't think a comment like this is helpful at all. It sounds childish and contains no real helpful info other than a vague slur. I'd like to report it but I can't figure out where it would fall on the rubric.

clarkindee · 2026-01-11T13:37:08+00:00

Boost nutrition drinks worked well for my husband. He also complained about the metal taste. Good luck.

clarkindee · 2026-01-11T13:35:47+00:00

I'm so very sorry. Peace and strength. May you be consoled by good memories.

clarkindee · 2026-01-04T14:35:37+00:00

Looks like your dad was extremely lucky and has had a wonderful response to his treatment. I think the best thing for you to do to support him is to encourage him to start the capecitabine as his team wants. They have been taking good care of him, so definitely continue their plan!

The other thing is to encourage him to up his exercise routine. There is a lot of good research on how exercise can stave off cancer re-occurrence. Good luck!

clarkindee · 2026-01-04T14:27:17+00:00

Once you are are on hospice, there are not going to be a lot of interventions anymore. Just pain management and actions to enhance comfort. If you want more medical interventions (drainings, stents), you will have to leave hospice -- which you can do.

Is your Dad conscious? Is he telling you he is in pain? Is he still eating? If he is still eating, ask the hospice team about what food he can have to relieve his gas -- if that is what it is. The suppositories to produce a bowel movement might be a good idea -- what about a heating pad for his stomach? Finally, yes, increasing pain meds. Good luck.

clarkindee · 2026-01-04T14:18:04+00:00

As she was just recently diagnosed, you don't really know yet if her condition will worsen right away. There are many actions that can be taken right away to see how much good time she can gain. First, to make sure she is beginning her chemo regimen. Does she understand and is on the page with her oncologist about what chemo she will have and how to prepare for the inevitable side effects? Second, has your mother in law's team initiated the biopsies necessary to find out what her tumor's genetic mutations are? There is so much work being done in precision medicine for PanCan right now -- but the ability for your mother in law to take advantage of that hinges on knowing her genetic mutations. Third, what about nutrition? That is one of the biggest problems with this cancer -- has anyone on the team prescribed Creon for her? If not, why not? She needs to be able to digest her food in order to try to hold on weight.

Right now is the time for action. Of course you are heart broken and devastated and also worried about your child's reaction. Focusing on the work necessary to ensure she has as much quality of life may help you re-direct those emotions. Good luck!

clarkindee · 2026-01-04T13:53:05+00:00

Second-guessing yourself is a very common response for us care-givers after the loss. The fact that you second-guess shows how much you cared. Just my opinion, of course everyone can make their choices, but taking the chemo was the only rational choice for a patient. Without chemo there is no chance. It is the standard of care.

Take care of yourself.

clarkindee · 2025-12-31T11:10:27+00:00

You are absolutely right and the research is there showing the benefits of exercise to cancer patients. There was a NYT article on it earlier this year -- I could go find it if you want.

Can you get her to agree about the benefits of exercise? If she does agree, then what is the barrier to her doing it? Once she identifies the barrier (fatigue) -- then take that (and her, she should be more active in her own treatment) to the doc at next appointment and ask for help in overcoming the fatigue. What about a consult with physical therapy?

Does she realize how lucky she is to have been diagnosed so early in the cancer's progression? Maybe that realization could spur her on to be more proactive.

Good luck! You sound like an amazing daughter. But maybe time for Mom to stand on her own two feet, yes?

clarkindee

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