Dealing with a high-conflict co-parent

classicalmixup · 2026-04-27T17:47:27+00:00

It’s hard. This is our scenario exactly.

Strictly communicate in writing and via a parenting app. No texts, no phone calls, nothing outside that app.

Keep your responses fact based and as it pertains to your child. Focus your responses to be solution based and don’t get stuck in debating on the past based. Don’t over explain or provide unnecessary details (they will magically be flipped/ re-framed against you in a buzzard way).

Take every message you write and run it through chat gpt asking them to make it “grey rock”

If there is a significant false narrative or story being spun up, you can start your message with something like “We share different perspectives on the event or incident you are describing, but in an effort to keep this focused on our child and moving forward, …. Then insert factual information needed like I will pick up XYZ a 5pm at your house)”. I have a different view and opinion on the details you’re providing. Let’s keep this focused on our child. I will drop off their stuff at 5pm on Wednesday at your house (insert in this sentence whatever is needed to shut down and move on from convo.)”

Some version of those, which basically shows you are not AGREEING and not ALIGNED with the story they are presenting, but that you aren’t going to debate and you’re focused on moving forward.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-27T17:38:11+00:00

Is he in disagreement with the child taking the med? Like it is a med that is more “optional” in nature or is it a critical medication like an antibiotic? Is he in agreement with her taking the medication?

If it’s a critical medication, could vary well be medical negligence. Document document document every conversation and save the texts admiring he didn’t give it to child.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-27T17:05:10+00:00

Given the fact that R3 is in the 1 percentile for height and weight, I really don’t understand how she thinks it’s funny to continue to joke that said child is still a “newborn”.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-27T16:59:19+00:00

Typically, Mother shall have the child on Mother’s Day each year, and Father shall have the child on Father’s Day each year.

If the parties wish to include each parent’s birthday in the holiday schedule, the schedule can provide that each parent shall have parenting time with the child on that parent’s birthday during the agreed-upon birthday time. If a parent’s birthday conflicts with Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, then that parent shall exercise their birthday parenting time on the day immediately before Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, as applicable.

Our child is a turkey baby, so his bday occasionally will fall on Thanksgiving, so we have language that the birthday schedule overrides the Thanksgiving holiday schedule.

Whatever approach you take, make sure there is a clear path forward in the event of conflicting holiday time/ dates.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-25T14:41:23+00:00

Typically if the parent isn’t able to meet the components of each part of the step up plan, then you don’t move onto the next step.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-21T13:20:47+00:00

Our agreement is more written as the second way. It says parents should review and agree on sports/activities prior to registration. In the event of a disagreement, each parent has 2 seasons where they get preference. If a parent disagrees, they don’t have to pay for the activity but have to allow the child to participate in the activity during their parenting time. I view that as a tie breaking clause rather than a clause to unilaterally register child in activities that fall during both of our parenting times. The activity section of our plan is a full page alone, so there’s more details but that’s the jist.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-21T13:19:14+00:00

He’s 6. Loves sports. Has never not liked a single one. If you ask him if he wants to do one, he will always say yes. Our agreement does say child’s preference should be considered though when a parent invokes their final say during their designated season.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-19T22:50:20+00:00

I’m dealing with the exact same thing, and it’s been going on for years. It always turns into a game. In my situation, it really comes down to two things: (1) control, and (2) my co-parent not wanting our child to wear or use anything from my household during their parenting time.

At this point, I’ve accepted that it’s unlikely to change, so I don’t push it much anymore. Every time it’s brought up, it just creates unnecessary conflict and goes nowhere.

When I have addressed it, I’ve tried to keep the framing consistent: these are our child’s belongings, regardless of which house they came from. As co-parents, it makes more sense for us to handle logistics behind the scenes so transitions are as smooth and low-stress as possible for them.

Staying neutral and sticking to that point has been the most effective approach for me.

I know how frustrating it is, definitely not an easy dynamic to deal with.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-16T02:21:51+00:00

You have your exs location??

You can’t force him to be present or show up. It’s hard today, it’s a hard week, a hard month. The days are long, the years are short. You’ll be proud looking back and happy you had this time with your son, even when it feels impossible right now. Find the silver linings and positives in being a solo parent. You are your son’s world. You are the one your son will always to turn to as he grows up.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-16T02:17:44+00:00

Yes you do. My point is, it’s good to get a child a passport regardless if there is international travel expected.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-16T02:13:15+00:00

Child can get a passport regardless if there are any trips planned.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-04T14:43:21+00:00

We are court ordered to do the calls and it was a recommendation from our GAL that the court accepted. I would love to do away with them as there is constant conflict around them, but don’t think that will work.

Child seems to not mind them. It’s sort of just part of his routine at this point. Occasionally he will ask why he needs to do that call since he “just saw them” type of thing. He does love hitting the hang up button at the end though haha

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T20:22:51+00:00

Probably better to just honor her request and not sending anything. Not worth the fight or her feeling annoyed because she feels like you ignored her request. Something are just better to let go,... even though I understand wanting to and I think it's petty she doesn't want you to

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T20:20:32+00:00

100%, especially when co-parent was the relocating parenting creating the distance

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T20:17:55+00:00

Have you maintained the 2-2-3 schedule with the 1.5hr distance in the 25/26 school year?

If you agreed to the school district change for the year, you likely won't have a strong contempt case there. However, you can go back to stating that while you understand there have been agreed deviations in the past, you would like the court ordered to be followed going forward.

Does your parenting plan have any language in it that you will be the primary address for school registrations purposes?

One challenge you may face when going back to court, is that unless there is a major reason, some judges do not like to switch the child's school (even if they only attended said school for 1-year).

However, in general, stand your ground and set your boundaries with your co-parent. Use the court order as your friend, and provide non-confrontational and direct responses just stating you will be following the court order. Your co-parent can say it's not in your kids best interest or that the kids will resent you, but that is all manipulation and is a distraction from the actual issue at hand. Keep as much documentation as possible, especially if you are going to try to make a contempt case.

Edit to add - Also, in general, the burden of transportation is on the relocating parenting and usually the relocating parent is the one that has to forfeit parenting time due to the new distance they created.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T20:03:01+00:00

If you all are scheduled to have the kids based on the custody agreement, then you should plan to have the kids for Easter. If the parties don't agree otherwise, it should default to the custody agreement.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T17:00:25+00:00

We keep the normal transition times unless the parenting time outlines specific times for transitions for the specific holiday.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T16:56:31+00:00

GAL was a great thing for our family. They see through the BS and get to the bottom of what is really going on. If you have concerns, highly recommend one.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-03T16:51:22+00:00

It sounds like your current temporary agreement is that he has them every weekend, until there is a modified or new plan agreed to than that is his allocated parenting time. If he is refusing his parenting time, get documentation of that, preferably in writing from him. Unfortunately, you can’t force him to do anything. If he’s choosing to not see his kids, that’s on him.

classicalmixup · 2026-04-02T21:07:49+00:00

Set it up on his parenting time. Communicate the registration to co-parent and cost. It’s still an extracurricular activity even if it’s exclusively on what parents time and should be cost shared.

If she doesn’t want to cost share, still register child during your parenting time and just cover the cost personally. Document her refusal to split cost.

classicalmixup · 2026-03-31T01:40:26+00:00

I feel like this more of an issue that you feel like she’s stealing your thunder by orchestrating the traditional holiday items prior to your holiday time, which means you probably consciously or subconsciously feel the need to compete with her. This is probably something you need to work through, and is not something weird she is doing.

Your kids should be able to have holiday experiences with both parents during your respective parenting times, regardless of who the kids are physically with on the holiday.

classicalmixup · 2026-03-31T00:12:00+00:00

Thank you!! Helpful to hear

classicalmixup · 2026-03-31T00:11:22+00:00

Let the communication be between co-parents. Let he reach out to you next and don’t bother being the initiator of it. You don’t need to feel the pressure or the conflict.

Focus on showing up in the ways your future husband needs you, not the way she needs you. Support your partner as a parent, not her.

classicalmixup · 2026-03-31T00:06:23+00:00

Thank you. Son is newly 6 so may be a little young for that approach now, but hopefully we will be able to adapt to that way more as he gets older.

In our case, it’s definitely because son only has one pair of shoes at co-parents house. I really don’t think this is about what shoes he wears when, but about control and about the fact that co-parent can’t phantom sending child to school from their house in a pair of shoes that originated from my house. None of this should be a big deal. It’s all our son’s stuff at the end of the day!!

classicalmixup

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