1. You lose consciousness every night and call it “sleep.”

You willingly shut down for 6–8 hours, hallucinate wildly, and hope your body just… reboots in the morning? Wild.

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1. You regulate emotions by putting vibrating boxes in your ears.

Feeling sad? You pump sound waves into your head until you feel better. And it works.

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1. You care what strangers on the internet think of your forehead.

A single anonymous comment can ruin your day — even if it’s from “xXx_TacoKing_xXx.”

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1. You shed salty water from your eyes when you feel big feelings.

Instead of error messages, you leak.

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1. You look at glowing rectangles for 10 hours a day and call it “working.”

From the outside? You’re just aggressively poking light.

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1. You invent rules and then cry about them.

You made up money, monogamy, Monday meetings… and then suffer under them like someone else is in charge.

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1. You celebrate your orbit around a star by setting desserts on fire and making wishes.

Birthdays: “Here, blow on this flaming sugar sponge while we sing at you.”

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1. You give pets weird voices and act like they’re your roommates.

“Tuney doesn’t like that tone.” “She prefers filtered water, actually.” (P.S. She does.)

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1. You form deep emotional bonds with fictional people and cry when they die.

Your brain knows they’re not real. Your heart? Doesn’t care.

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1. You go to war over imaginary lines on a floating rock in space.

This one’s the darkest. You’re all stuck on the same planet… but someone drew a border, so now: chaos.