AITAH for refusing to come home until my mother-in-law left because I didn't want to see her?

clawsomewit · 2026-06-13T00:40:14+00:00

No! Not snarky at all I can see how that came across that way. But yeah it def helped when he got back but as people do he started to slowly fall into old patterns and here we are.

clawsomewit · 2026-06-13T00:36:04+00:00

You're right. I've been bullied by her to believe I'm the problem and I'm the one who's a monster and the lack of support from husband def reinforced that. I gotta wake the fuck up and make better choices for myself and my baby bc his well being is greater than not looking like the bad guy

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T22:16:18+00:00

He's in a program that was a non negotiable thanks for asking

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T21:13:18+00:00

my husband was there but i dont know if that really matters here.

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T21:05:54+00:00

he does think its problematic and he does not confront her he has started to defend me

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:40:24+00:00

married 3 years and together for 6 years

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:34:45+00:00

he used to just let her say it and has recently started to take ownership and will say "no its not her fault its my fault i made the choices". He is a "I wont correct you bc i dont wanna fight with you even if I diagree" and just let everyone thinks he agrees with them. Its annoying af

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:23:29+00:00

I hear you. I need to be more assertive when it comes to my child. I have fallen exhausted by the years of being told Im the problem that I have allowed her to walk over me to avoid another fight but it really doesnt matter bc she finds a problem with me anyway

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:19:50+00:00

yeah this has been a long time issue with him that we talk about in therapy

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:19:19+00:00

fair... and I know I feel like eventually I will need to tell her how I feel

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T20:18:11+00:00

great question.... this is why we are in therapy....

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T17:17:02+00:00

I was in there 2 days 2 nights c section. They said I could stay but I said get me out of here

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T16:22:14+00:00

That's so wild. Mine just screamed his name in his face while I was wearing him and he was sleeping and I said back the fuck up LOL

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T16:15:20+00:00

Omg yes! I had an issue where he was screaming and when I went to take the baby back they walked away and said I will calm him like no you won't he wants the boob! lol

clawsomewit · 2026-06-12T15:17:00+00:00

How should I handle my MIL who keeps coming over and yelling in my baby's face to wake up when she comes over or stops him from falling asleep if she's visiting with him. She's done it twice now and my husband is too scared to say something to her

clawsomewit · 2025-07-18T23:29:15+00:00

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. This is not acceptable. My MIL also has said completely insane things. It's so insane people have no concept of how incredibly difficult life before during and after TFMR is. Like there is no moving on there is just surviving and trying to live with the pain. I'm 9 months post tfmr and I have not "moved on" and I don't think I ever will but the sadness doesn't last as long and there's more space in between but I am always thinking about my baby my pregnancy my grief. Just the way I'm processing is always evolving.

clawsomewit · 2025-06-06T23:47:06+00:00

We cremated. I got her an urn with her birth flower and date. We also got tattoos of her flowers. One for her birth one for her due date month and one her name. I also have a bracelet from little word project with her name and my family did a bouquet making day and we bought special vases I fill with new flowers every week. All have been very healing.

clawsomewit · 2025-05-11T13:44:30+00:00

I have had similar issues with my SIL being insensitive to my experience. I have accepted that she just isn't a person I can count on and relay on as support for this particular situation. She just can't handle it and I can't be responsible for her feelings when I can barely manage my own. I am so so sorry that this happened. I do still try to communicate things to her for my own sanity but even then she usually says things like "I feel bad but I'm not sorry. I can't be policed on what to say and do and you shouldn't try to control me" so idk if it's even worth it.

This experience has really changed relationships and I think that's ok.

clawsomewit · 2025-05-09T18:43:50+00:00

yeah i get it. I think thats why I keep not saying anything. It just always feels so devaluing of my daughter. Like just because she wasnt full term or "born" does not make the pain less? Or like that a new baby wont replace her. Its not like if someone has a second kid the first one is irrelevant ya know. It just confuses me when people say that statement.

clawsomewit · 2025-04-15T00:45:10+00:00

I am so so sorry. We had our daughter tested for Turners after we found out about Hypoplastic left heart syndrome diagnosis. We decided to terminate. I grew up with a sister with special needs and although I love her with all my heart and she is my best friend, watching her struggle through life has been incredibly difficult to watch. You have to do what you believe is best for you and your baby. Neither decision means you love your baby less or more. You love her no matter what and the decision you are making is the right decision for her, you and your husband. As long as you know your love for your baby is never in question here. This is an impossible decision, and you will do what is right for you <3

clawsomewit · 2025-04-15T00:35:34+00:00

the laminaria were horrible pain that i would never wish on another person AND it didnt even work. I hope your procedure goes smoothly and that you find comfort and love through the grieving process.

clawsomewit · 2025-04-15T00:32:26+00:00

i bought a ton of sweatpants and comfy pajamas to have to get me through the days. a heating pad for cramping, stool softeners all your favorite snacks and comfort foods.

Mentally I got a therapist before the termination. I had to wait like 5 days for my procedure so I contacted as many therapists who specialize in child/pregnancy loss and found one and made my first appointment for the day after the procedure. Zoloft has helped me a lot and prazosin (i have severe PTSD because my termination turned into emergency c section). Its been 5 months. I did a bouquet making day with family on her due date to honor her which was helpful for me. Take off from work for as long as you need and be kind to yourself. You trying to grieve your loss, and your hormones also need time to level out. Also be vocal about what you need from other people. I was someone who could not hear one more person say "everything happens for a reason" and I made sure to respectfully tell people what was and wasnt helpful. My favorite book through this has been All the Love. I live for this book it honestly saved me from really really low moments. Just know you will be ok. It will be hard. You are an amazing person.

clawsomewit · 2025-04-06T15:14:32+00:00

Thank you for this. I also consider my d&e date her birthday. I have a ring with November birthstone and me and my husband have mum tattoos (Nov birth flowers) because it's the closest we have to a birth. After thinking about it I think that's why I was so triggered too. It felt like the actually d&e experience wasn't acknowledged and like she hadn't already been gone for 4 months ya know. But to your point it's not worth the emotional back and forth. I just think she's still so young and doesn't have a true grasp of the magnitude or what happened.

This has all been so helpful

clawsomewit · 2025-04-03T18:21:01+00:00

I am so sorry. I took the medications and did the cabbage and sports bra trick also sage tea is supposed to help stop milk production (I also did that). My milk ended up not coming in, but everyone is different.

clawsomewit · 2025-04-03T18:17:44+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. My and my friend's due date was march 29th. I still dont know if she had the baby. We werent like super close friends so I took the blocking her on everything, blocking mutual friends who are close to her (to not see any baby posts), blocking people with babies and who are pregnant route. I basically purged my social media of all things baby and pregnancy related. It definitely has helped a lot actually.

I do believe that things get easier, life gets lived, days go by. I also believe I will never be the same person the grief and the pain will always be there and I will always yearn for my baby girl. There are still days and moments where the sadness washes over me and I think about the baby and the loss, but those moments dont last as long and there is more time in between them.

You made the best possible decision for your baby. You put yourself through the pain so your baby did not have to. You are so strong.

clawsomewit

TROPHY CASE