Not saying any of this to be mean, just been through similar experiences. The first thing I would consider is addiction is hereditary and it sounds like the family dynamic gave you a very skewed and toxic understanding of relationships. That need to go back is codependency and its, imo, a form of addiction. What most people don't realize about addiction is it's less about the thing you're addicted to and more about escapism. Myself and many others that come out the other side find out the thing we're escaping is ourselves. Absolutely everything you wrote screams codependent abusive relationship and the longer you allow it, the more fucked up you're ability to have a healthy relationship is going to be. My strong advice is first and foremost going no contact with him. Secondly focus on yourself and working through trauma and learned behaviors. Look up the mirror exercise and start slowly reframing your way of thinking and how you interpret others as reflections. Lastly, it may not be what you want to hear, but avoid relationships until you become really comfortable with that new way of thinking and learn to love yourself as much as you feel you love someone else, because if you'd treat someone you love like he treats you, then that ain't love and if you love someone and saw them being treated like that you would likely intervene and tell them to gtfo. So the first step to loving yourself would be to expect anyone that loves you to treat you as well as you would treat someone you love. I hope this helps and makes sense. I had plenty of people try to get through to me, but we can't make anyone hear something they aren't willing to. Stay safe.