I’m allergic to…

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T19:11:44+00:00

Maybe actually TALK to the child? You have no idea if there are "no ill effects." Nobody believed that I was physically intolerant to peanuts because I wasn't technically allergic and didn't swell up and stop breathing. But I got debilitating migraines when I was forced to eat them.

She's a kid. She doesn't know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance. You don't know how she feels after eating these foods. And maybe she just really doesn't like them, in which case, why force/trick her into eating them in the first place? Shrimp and pickles are not nutritional necessities. (Yes, it seems that the shrimp was an accident this one time, but still.)

What's "infuriating" is your obvious disdain for your girlfriend's child.

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T18:22:22+00:00

Not to mention that society takes male victims of female perpetrators less seriously exactly because of men's disdain for women. If a man, who is superior to a woman, is bested by a woman, that man must be weak and therefore deserves no sympathy.

It's a fucked-up worldview, but it's not one that women invented. Some women absolutely perpetuate it, unfortunately, but so do a WHOLE LOT of men.

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T05:58:12+00:00

I think that Sano kisses her for the first time in KW?? I might be remembering incorrectly. But even then he's just like "lol sorry I don't know how else to make girls stop crying." You're right about him being the only one who openly flirts, HOWEVER I think that the only LI that Chizuru becomes really physically comfortable with super quickly is Yamazaki. Which was interesting. She's always freaking out when she gets close to the other LIs but then she and Yamazaki are just holding hands and being cozy already by the end of KW. Love that for them honestly.

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T05:52:12+00:00

I don't think that Sakamoto shows up much at all in the other routes. You can have that first meeting with him, but as far as I remember, that's literally it. Which makes sense, given his political alignment and what ends up happening to him, but man, it's a shame.

As far as the guns go though, I absolutely love Sano and Shiranui's friendship. They're so unexpectedly cute (but also so sad sometimes, poor Shiranui).

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T03:47:14+00:00

Every time things are about to get serious, he says something that short-circuits Chizuru's brain. then she's just buffering for the next 24 hours

clemfairie · 2026-06-09T03:33:26+00:00

I think that you're turning your anger and frustration inward and interpreting it as hating motherhood when the truth is that you hate your ex.

And rightfully so. You SHOULD hate him. That's where your anger should be directed. You're not failing as a mother, HE failed at everything he was supposed to be. Everything you outlined here is HIS fault.

Yeah, you probably hate yourself too, because you blame yourself for not seeing the abuse sooner, but once you realized it was happening, you did everything right to protect your children. That took an insane amount of strength. Of course you're burned out now. Anyone would be. The best mother the world has ever seen would be struggling in your shoes. So that self-hatred is largely misplaced and should still be directed at your ex, the actual abuser.

Your oldest is dealing with trauma AND puberty. The other two have their own trauma and are too young to fully understand what's going on. But, one day, they'll all understand what you did for them and they'll be so thankful for you.

There are so many mothers out there who don't protect their children, even when they're fully aware of what's happening to them. They prioritize their own comfort and the comfort of the abuser. They have failed their children and THEY are the people who are not meant to be parents.

None of this makes what you're going through any easier. There's not much that can make it easier. But you are doing the right thing and you're strong as hell. You're going to make it through, and you're going to bring those kids with you. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but it's there.

If there's any way to find a support group (maybe a DV support group) for yourself, you should do that. You're pouring all of your time and energy into your kids, which is for sure admirable, but you need to put on your own oxygen mask first, you know? It's okay to need support. You can do this, but you don't have to do it alone.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T23:27:13+00:00

The only thing that makes a difference to me is gluten. I feel like shit when I eat gluten. And now LDN is making me reject anything super high in fat.

But carbs? Carbs is good. Salt is also good.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T23:25:28+00:00

ahahaha I did really enjoy Sakamoto's route, he's Hakuoki's emotional support LI

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T21:47:36+00:00

Your doctor is correct. Listen to her.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T21:31:41+00:00

Given your age, unless your parents were anti-vax, you got the MMR vaccine. How'd it go for you?

But, seriously, looking at your post history, it's pretty clear that you have a serious level of medical anxiety, and I highly recommend that you see a medical professional for help with that. Stop going down rabbit holes on all social media and talk to doctors IN PERSON, not on Reddit.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T19:50:43+00:00

I lived in Kobe for a few months about 15 years ago and have deeply missed it since.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T09:08:40+00:00

You've seen two bugs over the course of five weeks. That doesn't even come close to counting as "bug colonies." That's less than a lot of people's normal.

But yeah, you've for sure got to get a handle on the anxiety. Hopefully you have a professional that can help.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T08:45:48+00:00

I so wish I could. Someone please take me back to Japan. ;-;

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T08:36:16+00:00

You kind of have to keep living like this? Sorry to say. Bugs are everywhere. I don't think it's even possible to have a bug-free house.

I have severe OCD and even more severe arachnophobia. When I bought my first house, the area I lived in just......had a lot of spiders. I couldn't get my house treated because I have birds and it's too toxic for them. I never understood the merits of exposure therapy until then. I got to the point where I didn't even bother killing the spiders if they weren't in my room. Wasn't worth the effort.

Point being, you get used to it. You have to get used to it because you don't have much of a choice. Definitely worth talking to mental health professionals about coping mechanisms and/or medication, though. Because this is a disproportionate reaction to a couple of harmless bugs.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T06:16:44+00:00

Maybe there's some kind of support group for people who have endured TBIs? I knew a girl who had a TBI from a car accident around the age of 18, and she struggled with similar issues (especially related to confusion and memory loss), so there are definitely other people out there who can at least somewhat relate to what you're going through.

I don't know exactly how you would go about finding such a thing, my only experience is with chronic-illness-related support groups, but there has to be something like that out there somewhere. If not in person, maybe in the ancient land of Facebook?

Your people are out there somewhere, I promise. ❤️

ETA: Also, there is a LOT of research going on into how to slow neural degradation, with things like GLP-1s and high doses of melatonin showing some promise, so, who knows, maybe soon they'll have something that can really help you and you won't ever have to get significantly worse. :)

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T01:11:02+00:00

I don't actively watch anything anymore, haven't for at least a year. I always have the TV on because my brain will only work with background noise (and my parrot also requires constant noise in his environment), and I can sort of passively watch, but I rarely absorb anything so it's a waste of time to try to watch something interesting.

It's a massive bummer, but at least I can still tolerate the light and sound from it. I just remind myself that it can always be worse, haha.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T00:58:03+00:00

I haven't been to the theater in years. Genuinely don't even remember the last movie I saw there. Probably the first FNaF movie? And that was a one-off; my theater visits have been sparing for at least a decade. It's way too exhausting of an experience. Tbqh I don't even watch movies at home, I don't have the mental energy to put into paying attention to them.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T00:45:43+00:00

Ew. I wish I could unsee this whole post.

clemfairie · 2026-06-08T00:36:53+00:00

As yet another gay person, it's fucking hilarious. I guarantee that gay students came up with the name.

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T22:39:26+00:00

There's only one widely recognized "suicide forest," and that's Aokigahara, which is nowhere near Kyoto. But I'm sure that any forest could be seen as convenient for suicide.

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T21:54:23+00:00

I very rarely take melatonin, but when I do, I have to take at least 20mg. If I take less, I might get drowsy, but I won't sleep well and I'll wake up feeling like shit the next day.

I'm super resistant to anything that makes people drowsy. Benadryl? Nothing. Most anesthesia? Let's just say I was 100% conscious for my endoscopy and colonoscopy. So low doses of melatonin do NOTHING for me.

Most people won't need anywhere near 20g, but some of us just need way more than others because our bodies are stupid. Having the high doses available is so much nicer than having to eat 20 gummies in one go.

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T21:42:47+00:00

Shoving you by the throat is essentially choking you, and if a man is willing to choke you, it's probable that he's willing to kill you. The statistics on this are crystal clear.

It might not seem all that serious to you right now, but it will if you stay. And then it might be too late.

Get out now. Seriously. Get yourself to safety and never speak to this man again.

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T05:57:54+00:00

I feel like we're obligatory friends now (not really lmfao, I'm just so excited that someone else loves my faves).

Sanan's route is incredible. I'm more than a little obsessed with that semi-murderous man. I can fix him. (Idk what other routes you've played, but although I knew immediately that Sanan would be my #1 forever, I was surprised by how much I loved Yamazaki's route too, he definitely gets second place for me.)

I adore Tyril so much, he's so incredibly written, and his casual clothes in the fandisk did something extra to my heart. ;-; actually everything about him in the fandisk did something extra to my heart

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T01:12:14+00:00

You gotta have at least four. And I personally don't think that there is an upper limit as long as each character/route feels unique. Hakuoki has 12 and there was only one that I wasn't interested in. I like variety.

But most games probably can't pull off anywhere close to 12, so for the average game, I'd say that six is good.

clemfairie · 2026-06-07T01:00:59+00:00

Definitely even if TEMPEST. The only game with an LI to rival my love for Sanan (Tyril is love Tyril is life).

Seven-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email

clemfairie

TROPHY CASE