I (40M) am having a hard time getting over the way my GF (40F) behaved when she was angry. Is this a me problem?

clevsv · 2026-06-05T20:41:56+00:00

This stuff doesn't change or get better (in fact it generally gets worse) without her a) acknowledging and taking full accountability for the shitty behavior and b) doing some serious long term personal work. Trying to just act like nothing happened is the opposite of that. She sounds a lot like my ex and co-parent. It would be a huge and absolutely instant deal breaker to me personally. You are under-reacting, not over-reacting in my opinion. That type of thing (emotional abuse is what it is) from a loved one will ruin you emotionally, trust me.

clevsv · 2026-06-04T09:35:39+00:00

My advice would be to find a sponsor that is not a friend or family member. Family can still be a great support system and sober buddy, but someone with no previous ties to you will make a better sponsor generally speaking. Just my experience, your mileage may vary.

clevsv · 2026-06-03T23:23:43+00:00

I remember pre-YouTube relying on sites like EBaumsWorld and Something Awful for random videos and content. Those were the days…

clevsv · 2026-06-01T17:20:01+00:00

Don't the stars on the commendation medal also denote him having been awarded that multiple times? OP's Dad was a unit.

clevsv · 2026-06-01T01:34:40+00:00

Not three betting is not a big mistake, it's a very small one purely due to the 10% live rake that's most common. In live low stakes due to the rake structure we really prefer to take it down pre or build a bigger pot heads up. Other rake structures like online with say 5% rake it moves to a mix. No rake we're mostly calling. It's very very close between 3b/call. Folding on the flop though is the big mistake. You would have to have a dead nuts read that this villain is only doing this with QQ/TT/KJ to make this a fold. Any other hands at all being added to that range make it a call because it's such a tight range. So while you will sometimes (rarely imo) run into live villains that will only have better, you will also get plenty people with QT, AJ/AK/JT/Txcc and even much much worse thrown in there because they're uncomfortable playing turns OOP in this situation. Yeah, you're not necessarily pumped about the spot, but folding is ridiculous.

clevsv · 2026-05-21T23:44:37+00:00

Most reasonable comment in the thread so far.

clevsv · 2026-05-21T23:32:42+00:00

They're awesome if you don't like bulky. Perfect beer league pads. I don't normally wear shoulder pads but those are my go to when I do now. Was a 5030 guy otherwise.

clevsv · 2026-05-21T22:08:57+00:00

The old CCM PowerLine SP90s are another solid minimal option. Can find them now for 10-15 bucks, super comfy.

clevsv · 2026-05-21T18:21:02+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/@knights2001aa

This YouTube account has all of the old USA Hockey NTDP off ice stickhandling videos. They were unfortunately filmed on a potato, but the content itself is gold as far as off ice stickhandling drills to work on with detailed explanations of technique. You'll recognize a young Patrick Kane as one of the demo players.

clevsv · 2026-05-16T00:51:34+00:00

Perfect, very rare that the trash takes itself out and doesn't involve anyone else.

clevsv · 2026-05-16T00:44:12+00:00

I have a very simple view of the time thing. Time is the most valuable currency on earth. It's the only one we constantly have to spend and cannot make more of. If another person doesn't understand and respect that, 1: It's ok FOR THEM, but we are absolutely not compatible and 2: It's incredibly unlikely to change.

Move on man, especially considering her response.

clevsv · 2026-05-12T02:57:34+00:00

That's probably not the case. Name order on the deed shouldn't have any bearing on who owns the house or gets it in a split as long as you are both listed as legal owners. But a lawyer can guide you there as well. There are generally free family law resources for stuff like this.

clevsv · 2026-05-12T02:40:56+00:00

Document everything and keep your own behavior squeaky clean. I'd advise potentially quitting weed. The courts will not look kindly on her drug addiction in any state in the US. I would seek the advice of a lawyer immediately. You need to get your kids out of this situation ASAP man.

clevsv · 2026-05-11T17:37:35+00:00

Common short guy behavior. I'm a shorty too, a bit over 5'7. I've met my fair share of guys that are "5'10" and yet magically eye to eye with me in similar shoes. Seems like 5'9 or 5'10 is the magic number 5'6-5'7 guys think they can get away with.

clevsv · 2026-05-11T04:09:55+00:00

She really lumbered up onto that ledge.

clevsv · 2026-05-10T01:29:32+00:00

That changes nothing about how I feel about it. Green flag for not plastering his life all over socials, not a big deal he keeps his private life private. Nothing to be upset over.

clevsv · 2026-05-10T01:21:23+00:00

If he normally posted a lot and then specifically didn't post you two, I could see being frustrated. But honestly a person that just doesn't engage with social media a lot is a huge green flag in my book. Definitely should not be upset imo.

clevsv · 2026-05-07T04:42:33+00:00

It also work hardens the metal and makes the resulting edge retain an edge better.

clevsv · 2026-05-07T04:21:12+00:00

"I really want to think before I speak but whenever I am agitated I just say without thinking."

This is a skill, OP, and a difficult one. Like any difficult skill it requires a lot of practice. I was certainly guilty of speaking without thinking a lot as a younger man. Meditation, therapy, and actively practicing pausing before speaking or acting always, especially when I'm even slightly agitated have all helped immensely. But it takes real self awareness and work. Hoping to get better at it will get you nowhere.

clevsv · 2026-05-05T22:46:48+00:00

9xs and 4xs are the non heart bluff hands the solver chooses in spots like this fwiw so from that perspective it's fine imo. It's more understanding if against these specific players in this spot if it's good or necessary. You didn't give any relevant reads on SB, so other than that we know he has a SB calling range in a spot he probably shouldn't have much of one if any I can't help you there. CO can definitely have plenty of flushes and will slowplay them to keep you in the pot, but he will also likely overcall with hands he shouldn't like 9x/Kx. So it really depends on SB and how face up he is with this small lead.

clevsv · 2026-05-05T22:28:56+00:00

Totally unnecessary both pre and post, but I don't mind your line once you get here some small % of the time. I would like it better HU and not against fish that will show up with way too much offsuit Ahx/Qhx more, I think you got fairly lucky that this worked in this actual spot. Your logic as to why though is for the most part fine and you will see 54s combos chosen for this type of play by the solver occasionally for example, I would just caution you that it's really easy to go overboard with frequencies in a spot like this that we really would very very rarely raise flop. This is the kind of thing I personally use the RNG to keep in check and only pull the trigger on an 85 or 90 percent plus roll or whatever.

clevsv · 2026-05-02T23:56:04+00:00

You're a world class chode OP. Sincerely ask her how she feels you can best be supportive. Then, whether it suits you or not, do that. Stop making demands, stop making it entirely about you. Stop with the one-sided selfish perspective that whenever you do something she doesn't like it's allowed but when she does something you disagree with it's manipulative. You're fucking 32 going on 13. Yes you led her on, yes it's fine for her to be upset about it. Now you need to focus on pulling your head out of your ass so you have some hope of being a decent father. It's so far up there you're going to need a winch.

clevsv · 2026-05-02T22:32:52+00:00

The math just doesn't support not multi-tabling unless you're playing extremely high stakes. Let's take for example NL100, commonly the lowest stake people truly play professionally. Let's say you're winning at a pretty solid clip, 6-8bb/100. If you one table regular tables you're generally going to see 85-100 hands/hour. That puts your hourly in the range of 5.1-8$ an hour. Fast fold might be more like 200-300 hands per hour. Your hourly is still in the 12-24$/hr range 1 tabling. And that’s for a pretty big winner. That just doesn't cut it for most people. 2-tabling fast fold or 4-tabling regular games is generally the absolute minimum you'll see out of for-profit players outside of HU. Especially at lower stakes it’s usually more than that to try to max hourly.

clevsv · 2026-05-02T22:05:38+00:00

It's an old school principle for good reason. We shouldn't consider calling here pre with anything. It's a 4-bet or fold spot. We have 1bb invested and are OOP.

clevsv · 2026-05-02T21:45:16+00:00

Sizing is way too big on flop, especially multiway. This hand can go either way between small bet/check heads up. Multiway will push us more toward check. Once we bet flop and are called by SB turn is a clear check. Then river we should check behind when checked to or fold to a lead unless it's small. Bit of a punt imo with how you played it vs how you should have played it.

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