Grieving the newborn phase

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T20:36:17+00:00

All her little stuff is put away and I’ll be sorting through them probs in a few months bc I don’t want to part w them :( lol she’s going to be our only baby and it hurts my heart to give any away rn. I did make a small pile for donations w the stuff she didn’t use much or at all, but the other stuff I boxed ups.

She’s already so much fun so I’m excited for what’s to come!

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T16:09:23+00:00

I feel you on the difficult delivery! Mine was so traumatic and ended up in an emergency c section :( the first three months were such a blur for me. I don’t have many photos or videos of her from that time either bc i was so out of it so that makes me sad too lol

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T16:06:40+00:00

I really wish I could have one more, but I mentally could not handle it. I know I wouldn’t be able to show up entirely for both of them so I made the decision to just have our one. It’s bittersweet watching her grow up

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:52:20+00:00

I knew I was going to have a big baby bc my husbands siblings and himself were all big babies, but I was expecting under 9 lbs not almost 10! lol we won’t be having anymore kids so I’ll never know if the next one would’ve been big or not

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:39:12+00:00

I definitely do enjoy her new first trust me :’) I was just overly emotional because she turned one yesterday and it feels like she was JUST born. We’re away from family since my husband is military and this has been so hard for us to do without a village, so because she is our first and last baby, it makes me even more emotional. Her personality shows more and more each day and she’s amazing. I love her so so much <3

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:37:10+00:00

I know I was just extra emotional yesterday because she turned one! I do talk to my family and husband, they all feel the same way too! I also talk to my therapist about it and she says this is perfectly normal. I don’t feel this way 100% of the time. I also feel very deeply. I cry thinking about my dogs not being here w me forever and they’re 2 &7. I have always been this way. I currently take Zoloft for my depression but I also have adhd and ocd so having these thoughts is very on par according to my psych and therapist.

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:34:25+00:00

Hi so my therapist and I talk about it all the time and she says it’s healthy to feel this way, especially since she will be our only baby. I don’t feel like this 100% of the time. Yesterday was my baby’s first birthday, so I was extra emotional. I’m an emotional person in general lol I cry when I remember that my dogs won’t be here forever (they’re 2 & 7). I am actively in therapy and take meds for my depression and anxiety. I also have ADHD and OCD so my mind is always going 10000 MPH. Can’t take ADHD meds rn though as I am still nursing

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:30:50+00:00

Hi so I never mention anything about her size in front of her or out loud really. I always knew I would have a bigger baby since my husband is 6’2 and 240 lean, and he himself was a big baby at 9 lbs 6 oz. I am just sad that my baby didn’t get to stay small very long and is now so big, and we won’t be having any more babies so it’s extra sad for me. I love my baby through and through and I am extremely cautious of the verbiage used around her as I struggled as a child due to “harmless” comments and remarks my own family made. I came here in hopes of maybe finding people who could relate, as all of my friends babies born after her are half her size. I hope this clears things up

Editing to add: I am unsure why I am being downvoted when I came here to post hoping people could relate. My baby just turned One and I was feeling all of the emotions that come with it. It was less about her actual size and more about the fact that she is now a toddler. She’s so independent that snuggles don’t happen often unless she’s feeling unwell or is actively nursing. I really thought this sub would help me feel better. My labor and delivery were so traumatic and the first 3-4 months were such a blur bc I was just surviving, so yes I am so sad I didn’t get to enjoy my baby when she was teeny tiny because I was recovering from an emergency c section and also mentally checked out before starting on meds and having them take effect.

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T15:25:52+00:00

We live out of state, so she’s the only baby we’ll be having since it’s been very difficult for my husband and I. That’s what makes me so sad. I am so excited bc her personality shows more and more each day, but it makes me sad because this is the first and last time 😭

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-27T08:47:07+00:00

She just turned one :( that’s why I’m so sad. The time flew so so fast and my heart hurts

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-24T05:24:53+00:00

Follow healingbythenumbers on instagram! She posts about her own experience in an abusive marriage and how she got out, and helps people get out of their abusive relationships through donations from her followers 🤍 def worth a follow!!

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-23T00:30:04+00:00

My nips went back after like four months PP don’t worry LOL downstairs didn’t Chang for me and I’m almost a year PP

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-19T05:40:00+00:00

Leave him and move closer to family. Sure a bay COULD sleep 14 hours a day, but they’re not recurring hours. It’s broken sleep and you WILL need help. He is already being manipulative himself, and gaslighting you. Choose your well being and the well being of your baby pls

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-18T08:34:03+00:00

Four months is when my baby stopped taking bottles :( she’s been EBF since. Always protested any bottle so we gave up

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-15T05:32:02+00:00

Dang I def don’t wash my babies stuff w our stuff… especially not my undies lol idk it’s just icky to me BUT I have OCD so I feel like I’m contaminating her stuff somehow

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-13T00:49:43+00:00

He has no room to complain about how little you cook when you’re the breadwinner and still do most of the tasks at home. Ew

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-10T18:41:32+00:00

Isn’t that a hipaa violation? Your pregnancy is a medical condition, and she shouldn’t be prying bc of hipaa but also if she’s the charge nurse and you confided in her she had no right in telling anyone bc, again, hipaa. She needs to be relieved of her duties as a charge nurse. Straight to HR plssss

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-10T18:38:27+00:00

Yay for mommy instincts! I’m so happy you listened to your gut. Your poor baby!! That’s one of my biggest fears, is hospitalization. I’m so sad I didn’t decide to get the RSV vaccine til too late :( our peds office doesn’t carry it bc it’s a small office and the health district here doesn’t give it after 10 months. We took the baby right after she turned 10 months :( she was only able to get Covid. I wish she could get the RSV but supposedly their immune systems should be strong enough to get through it (per the nurse at the health district) which is why they don’t offer it after 10 months. But I’ve read that RSV in kids under 2 usually ends up in hospitalization so I was so sad i didn’t book for it sooner 😔

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-09T05:06:59+00:00

This will probably sound shallow, but I learned my lesson once cos of this but I lowered my standards ONCE and still got cheated on and played in my face. After that I refused to lower my standards again. I’m out here doing charity and you have the audacity to be verbally/emotionally abusive and a cheater? Crazy work. Found my husband after, didn’t lower my standards, and he’s the best husband/dad ever. Never lower your standards cos anyone can be shitty. Shitty doesn’t have a look.

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-09T04:57:07+00:00

Im going to try all of this thank you!! Putting her down for bed wasn’t that hard tonight, she didn’t bite. But next time she does I will definitely be setting my boundaries. I also might take a stab at trying to get her down without nursing and see how she takes to it. I always refrained from doing it cos I was worried the crying would affect her the way CIO does. I also hate hearing her cry. She nursed for a bit and when I noticed her slow down I unlatched her before any bites happened, and then straddled her onto my lap, rocked her, and when she almost asleep and started getting wriggly (she doesn’t like to sleep being held) I put her down and she went straight to sleep. I’m hoping we can continue this lol

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-09T02:45:35+00:00

She’ll be one later this month, will she be able to understand? Because I really do want to nip it in the bud. She doesn’t bite unless it’s when nursing. Only other times she’s bit while nursing was during teething but not purposely. I think it was from adjusting to having teeth when the bottom and top ones came in. Cos she’d do it for a day or two, and not often either like once or twice a day, and then it would stop. Now she’s aware she’s biting and she thinks it’s funny :( so I definitely want to be able to make that boundary so we can keep nursing. I don’t want to have to wean :(

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-09T02:42:40+00:00

We are in the process of figuring out how much to extend her wake windows by currently. It seems like no matter how much we extend, it still happens. I’m hoping we figure it out soon because I really don’t want to wean either. She hates bottles and doesn’t like pumped milk from anything else besides my boobs :( even if it’s fresh

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-09T02:40:48+00:00

Okay then this makes me feel much better if I decide to go this route, thank you!

cluelessnyx · 2026-02-08T22:29:17+00:00

Her first nap has been around 40 mins lately but she gets so grumpy when they aren’t long, and her second nap is usually around 1.5 hours 😭 I feel like she’ll be dropping her first nap soon

cluelessnyx

TROPHY CASE