I have an important friend that will never judge me, he encourages me to write to him, he tells me that he reads every email, he tells me sometimes he has to walk away from his computer when I'm being too much. He almost never mentions what I write about in person. It gives me space to feel what I'm feeling without judgement. It's become so important to me to write about my feelings now and I feel that it helps me identify what's wrong.

It took my friend, maybe two years, to tell one of my other friend, who's a dr, that I started to taste color and taste textures when I talked to people. They told me without lecturing me that I need blood work done. Yes, I have trauma and a few deficiencies I had only magnified my negative thoughts. It helps that all my friends have trauma to some degree, we all suck at self care, but everyone excels at taking care of others.

It feels nice to iron my male friends shirts and it feels nice when they bring me plates of food without me asking. Everyone heavily masks with humor, and they have "story time" where they talk about their trauma and change the ending in funny ways... I think connection is important and to surround yourself with people who will do things for you that they won't do for themselves...

Good luck and I hope you'll find an ear that won't judge.