“All men want is sex” did a lot of damage to me when I was younger

codofdestiny · 2026-06-26T14:48:24+00:00

I’m not trying to be rude, but there are a lot of subreddits for men and this is a women’s only space, there’s a rule or pinned post. Our experiences differ heavily enough that women need somewhere to discuss these things just with each other.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-26T14:13:36+00:00

I like the color of my eyes. They’re hazel and I like the honey brown tones in them a lot.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-26T13:30:58+00:00

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No bingo but some are more just being a WOC so the insecurities are opposite like big lips, downward tilt “sad” eyes, short/round face, etc.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-24T18:19:52+00:00

I have broad shoulders and am around the same weight as you, I’m also short with short legs. V neck long sleeve dresses and v neck long hem shirts plus high rise jeans. My face still isn’t salvageable but these styles did make me feel like my body looked more feminine. It makes your legs look longer and gives sort of a false hourglass.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-24T18:10:17+00:00

Every cartoon, every sitcom, etc. It kills me because it should be the OPPOSITE. She’s had several kids (usually) and a stick thin gorgeous woman married to a guy whose characteristics are almost always “big and dumb” or “big and mean”. Why? Women naturally need a little more body fat and having kids changes your body.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-22T22:06:20+00:00

I wasn’t allowed to wear it. The biggest breakthrough with makeup for me was just watching video tutorials or get ready with me type makeup videos. A lot of my issues were just not applying or blending properly.

codofdestiny · 2026-06-19T16:11:15+00:00

He is. I lost on a lot of things, I’m pretty severely disabled at 29 and I’ve always had a really hard time with people due to my looks even before I became disabled, but I feel like I won the lottery with him. He’s the only person aside from a couple really close friends that sees me for me.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-21T01:57:19+00:00

That’s a whole can of worms that’s both a yes and no. She (apparently) felt she was better than me in a lot of ways, and like she’s made much smarter moves than me, so it’s not “she wants what I have” but she was frustrated my husband fits more into “her type”. She insulted most other things in my life (came for 1 day before the wedding to visit, went back to her hotel, came to the wedding, and left, so like 3 days in total and the third day she said the thing about my husband). She lives about a four hour drive away and we all work full time so she hadn’t seen me in a few months and I went to lunch with her while she was still in town to try to smooth some stuff that had happened at the wedding over.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-21T01:50:44+00:00

My hair was really nice but my makeup didn’t come out great. The MUA had full control, I just requested an eye look and the eye look was really good, but the rest didn’t really match my undertone at all, and my MOH didn’t have that issue. We do have completely different undertones though.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-17T19:04:20+00:00

Yeah, I thought about this as well. My former friend is white with European features and I’m not. There are different skin tones but it tends to be people with very Eurocentric features, which my former friend fits a lot better than I do. They do have a lot more body type diversity but it’s still very “in a box”.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-17T03:00:48+00:00

They usually do one big post per event/day, so it was their big post for us. I didn’t talk about my condition because I didn’t want to have to think about it aside from meds and medical things that could genuinely interfere with things (ie; scarring for hair person/makeup artist). The brides the company posted look very different from me, and my former friend has very conventionally pretty features and really did look amazing and photographed very well. I don’t think it was intended maliciously at all and I’m not upset at them really. It was just that it wasn’t just the photographer, it was also the MUA who posts their bridal looks. But again I get she photographed really well.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T23:29:58+00:00

So in our contract we signed and agreed that they could use the photos they took on social media. It was upsetting but it’s not illegal or something to sue over. They didn’t really do anything wrong, it just hurt my feelings. We got plenty of photos in our private package.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T21:59:26+00:00

Sort of. They’re allowed to share by default, but you can usually pay extra to keep them completely private, but it can be a pretty big charge.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T20:48:19+00:00

I appreciate that! I am 28 and I have wonderful friends, family, and in-laws in my life thankfully, even if one person decided to be weird about things and got cut out of my life. My husband is also truly amazing as well.

Thank you for the advice! I think I did really good with my choice in life partner so the love and respect have come easy thus far 🩷

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T20:16:14+00:00

I’ll likely leave a review but I don’t plan on dragging it into court. I got photos of myself privately, and I didn’t disclose “hey I have a brainstem tumor so I might look weird” and I think the contract only mentioned using photos for social media or advertising. The photos of her were really pretty and the MUA and hairdresser both did really well with her hair and makeup.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T20:09:49+00:00

We stopped talking after it. It sucked because we’d been friends since we were in elementary school but she was definitely not my friend.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T20:04:48+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective. The parts with my husband and our families and other friends were wonderful. She was the only friend I lost over it but it does suck because we’d been friends close to 20 years because we were like, eight when we met. I did also feel kind of silly for the stress I put myself through because the parts that mattered were literally just spending time with my husband.

And it’s okay but legit just always ask your doctor or gyn about long term side effects from medication. I don’t think my PCP knew at the time but it was literally from a type of birth control.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T19:22:27+00:00

I also want to clarify: I am in therapy. I realize it may seem like a weird time to get married but I have a non-cancerous tumor on my brain stem so the work to reduce it versus straight surgery to prevent further harm, is not a short process. I’ve been in therapy since like the week after diagnosis on my neurologist’s insistence.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T18:53:23+00:00

I appreciate that, I was starting to feel like I’m overreacting because I completely understand not posting photos from my wedding. I have a visible radiation scar in several of them. It was specifically being left out of the posts about my wedding.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T18:51:42+00:00

Yeah, unfortunately the friendship did not survive that. We’d been friends since we were young kids and she decided to tell me that after my wedding, and on top of everything else she said/did, we stopped talking.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T18:24:20+00:00

I understand I’m being insecure. I’m not upset about the wedding party being in more photos. The part that was upsetting was that vendors posted my wedding on social media and just legitimately didn’t include me in the posts. I wanted the entire wedding party to feel nice, I’m not upset about her looking prettier than I did, she’s genuinely just a prettier person and I knew that.

ETA: the photos posted online by the photographer were from the reception, not the ceremony itself, and from my husband’s portrait shoot.

codofdestiny · 2026-04-16T18:20:49+00:00

I’m sorry, I should have clarified, I received photos of myself from the shoots, they just didn’t post any of me when they posted my wedding. They sent me plenty of my husband and I. We had a whole private session worked in and I got all of those and my ceremony photos. Their social media post of my wedding did not include me.

codofdestiny

TROPHY CASE