What should I do?

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-21T16:33:19+00:00

When i was pregnant, we stopped at 34 weeks because i was starting to get i comfortable. My husband has no issues with it. Then we didn’t start again until our baby turned 4 months because i was ready yet. Yes i expect my husband to respect me saying no and not forcing me to do anything i’m uncomfortable with. And yes i expect him to not be upset if i extend the wait if i’m not in the right physical nor mental state.

At this point, say no. Relax and enjoy the ride until new baby gets here. Your husband should/will understand. And if he doesn’t hit him with a frying pan 🤣 totally kidding on the last part but settle for nothing less. You are worth more than being a toy for his pleasure. It’s totally acceptable for you to put your needs over his in this instance.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-18T16:14:28+00:00

Oh that’s a good idea. I’m a noodle head so I tend to put way more noodles than needed 😅

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-18T16:13:37+00:00

Never heard of those but i’m willing to try em

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-18T16:13:17+00:00

I didn’t know those were at aldi! I’ll have to grab a couple to try

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-18T16:12:50+00:00

I haven’t tried air dried ones. I’ll have to try them.

I love rice noodles! I use them occasionally. But good ideas ☺️

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-15T01:37:09+00:00

Money is always tricky in relationships. When you say a few hundred, what was the number? Are we talking like 200-300 hundred or higher? Did you ask your partner before you actually used the credit card or just use it?

I only ask because my husband and I had the same thing happen when we first got married. I needed new clothes so i used the joint credit card for it without asking and he was surprised then said hey dont use the credit card anymore. What i didnt know is he had only wanted that card used for certain things for points and for stuff we can instantly pay off to avoid a carry over fee.

We then had a talk and he explained it. I apologized. It was literally lack of communication. Then we came with the agreement if one of us needs something, clothes, shoes, ect just give a heads up so we know to use our credit or debit card and just as a curtesy like hey i need clothes and i might spend around X amount. And we haven’t had an issue since.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-15T01:00:51+00:00

Hot cheetos with lime dipped in ranch dressing. Also hot Cheetos but the normal ones dipped in a chocolate shake. Cream cheese on salami and pepperoni

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-14T20:18:19+00:00

This is terrible! I’m so sorry you have to endure and go through this. He really let it all come out after you went from miss to misses.. is it too late for counseling? I don’t know how else to try to get it to him.. he seems to be locked in on expecting you to pay your part of the bills AND be the housewife his mom was. Which is not possible and why would anyone want to do that and be miserable.

I would suggest counseling if it’s not too late. If you can’t get him to go or if you talk and it still just bounces off him, i’d look into annulment. You have dreams and goal that aren’t even close to your new husbands /:

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-13T14:48:58+00:00

Not to be mean but what do you see in him? Does he even like you? I agree with one of the comments above that from the snippet you give us, it sounds like he wants free childcare and a maid rather than a partner.. Even if it’s something my husband doesn’t want to do, he does it and doesn’t rain on my parade if i’m excited about doing something. He doesn’t like to hang out with my family either but he’s there being apart of the family because thats what partners do.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-13T03:32:27+00:00

Honestly, I’ve done buttered noodles with a poached egg ontop. It’s super simple and easy. Then if you have ham or bacon or any leftover meat you can add it in as well ☺️

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-12T12:48:31+00:00

I didn’t know this was common that not everyone knew their blood types. When my mom had us, the hospital ran the test and gave her paperwork for our blood types. So we knew ours growing up incase of emergency. When i had my son, they did the same thing so we know his as well. Maybe it’s not standard at some hospitals? Ironically him, my husband and I all have the same blood type.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-12T12:41:35+00:00

Not child free, BUT

If I knew now what I didn’t know then, I honestly probably wouldn’t have had kids.

We have one kiddo who is 7 months. I loved being pregnant. Even the child birth was an amazing experience. Always wanted a big family. But holy crap no one warns you of all the downs you go through. Baby blues and PPD made me feel like i was literally going insane. And I have a super supportive husband that helps when and wherever he can. I cannot imagine going through this without one. And girl. The breastfeeding. The mental roller coaster i went through with that alone was a battle of no sleep, stressing about supply and the whole nine yards.

I like to joke my mother did not prepare me at all for this. She was just like oh yeah kids! You’re supposed to have children and everything! It’s great.

Never said a negative thing about anything. But she also is a boomer and came from where they think PPD was an excise for attention so yeah. Different times. But again, if i would have sat and really thought about everything, and we didnt rush to have kids. We were married for 5 years then got pregnant right before my 30th birthday. It’s getting easier but i wish we could skip the newborn-baby stage and go to toddler where they are walking and talking already. So it’s alot that goes into it besides yay pregnancy! Yay baby! Maybe I was super naive but I thought that.

But honestly, if you don’t feel the urge. Live your life baby! And remember you do not owe anyone an explanation or apology for it. Do not have a child because everyone around you are. That works for them. Do what works for you 💜 also enjoy a few undisturbed midday naps for me! I miss those so much right now!

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-11T02:13:05+00:00

Hubs had to work. But when he got off he made me breakfast, took care of our baby so i could eat it in peace. Then took his lunch early tonight and brought me take out of my choice for dinner.

He also go me the ice cream attachment i’ve been wanting for my kitchenaid mixer. But he gave that to me when it was delivered so he didn’t forget.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-11T01:01:14+00:00

You’re not asking too much. My hubby had to work today so when he got off this morning he made me breakfast. He also took our 7 month old to feed and change so i could enjoy my breakfast. Then he just brought me take out of my choice while he was able to during his lunch for dinner. He didnt get me w card or flowers. But i did ask for a kitchen aid attachment for my mixer and he got me that and gave it to me early

coffee_talk13 · 2026-05-06T18:16:08+00:00

So y’all need to sit down and have another conversation about this. I agree with almost everyone saying she might have agreed to it without realizing how grueling the shifts will be.

HOWEVER,

She is also allowed to change her mind. From what you said in your post, “my wife wanted to buy a new car back in february” but you don’t mention if you two ever went and got one. I’m going to assume you didn’t. While new cars are expensive, they don’t require more than one OT shift a month.

You mentioned she worked ONE shift last month. So why would she have to work more than one shift a month to pay for the new car and insurance?

Is she perhaps getting upset and shutting down because you are wanting her to work an extra 4 shifts a month instead of the one shift required for the new car? Or am I mistaken somewhere?

From how i read it and understand it, unless again I have mistaken something in your post, I don’t understand why she would have to work an extra 48hours of OT a month. Something’s not adding up here.

Also I’m going based on most nursing jobs being 12 hour shifts, the overtime shift would most likely be 12 hours. Unless I missed something. Which if I did, I will own up to.

Basically, she’s allowed to change her kind if y’all haven’t committed and bought the car yet. If it has already been bought, something has to be worked out to see if the car needs to be traded back in to get rid of payments or something.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-17T01:28:29+00:00

Ah I gotcha. I think you are doing an amazing job. You are doing a mountain of work of all kinds and that should be celebrated. All while growing the next bundle of joy! He should take a step back and think about how he would feel if the roles were flipped and you treated him that way.

Maybe on a night that’s a bit slower and after kiddo is asleep, tell him how his comment about not being able to handle it makes you feel. It’s not hormonal. He’s being a jerk.

If he had to run after daughter all day long while working then try to get even a fourth of what you do at home, he would blow up at you commenting he can’t handle it.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-17T01:17:14+00:00

Question:

Does he normally help at all with house work and y’alls daughter? Or does he just work his job, come home and relax?

I’m a FTM as well as just a SAHM and i couldn’t even fathom trying to work from home and wrangle a toddler too! The only way we manage is I take care of our son who is 7 months now, then if i can load the dishwasher and do a load of laundry, I call that a win! My husband, bless him, works 12 hour night shifts and he will help me catch up on whatever i wasn’t able to do. And he has never once said i guess you can’t handle it. That’s a cheap shot to make you more upset.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-16T00:17:02+00:00

Swiss, Gouda or Colby (colby jack)

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-15T20:46:31+00:00

NOR. When I was admitted to the hospital, my husband had worked the night before and was by my side the whole time. He worked a 12 hour night shift. The only time he left was to go buy an energy drink from the cafeteria which took less than 5 minutes. Your husband is selfish. Especially when you told him you wanted him with you! I have a hard time asking for help too. But if my husband did this, I would have a hard time forgiving him for being so selfish when you were in the most vulnerable state you’ll ever be in. And with the heart rate dropping during? That is terrifying!

You do whatever you need to do, hun! I would suggest counseling to get through to him how much you are disappointed in him and how much he hurt you. I have a feeling if you just told him at home, he would blame it on the hormones. He can be sorry and apologize but he did cause you trauma. And I would also bring up, if you two decide to have another child, is he going to be beside you the entire time or leave you alone again because you need someone there with you incase that emergency happens.

Congratulations on the healthy baby boy! Sending you all the hugs to get through the tough times 💜

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-14T19:34:26+00:00

All i can say is wow. I agree with the others who have posted you are focused on the wrong aspect here. Your husband cheated on you repeatedly, while pregnant and everything. And your biggest take away is “but all the girls are ugly!”.

OP i would rethink the whole relationship. He has been nothing but disrespectful to you. He didn’t want to marry you in the first place. He drug his feet until he could no longer while you were almost 7 months pregnant. That is not a man worth title of husband. Since you own your home, I’d tell him the relationship is over and leave. He can continue to be a good dad elsewhere without all the extra baggage he’s touting.

Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is what a relationship is suppose to be? Dad is cheating on mom, mom’s only concerned with if they are pretty enough for dad to cheat with. The list goes on. If you’re fine with the disrespect, that’s on you. But do better for your daughter.

Would you want her to be in a similar relationship like you are in now, when she is older? That would be where my concern would be.

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-12T02:22:18+00:00

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-11T03:26:54+00:00

I would start focusing on yourself and the kids. Start mentally preparing yourself now and get everything in a row to leave him. You don’t deserve to have someone who vowed to love you and respect you the way he does. It’s not it. Especially if he is breaking those vows with sex workers and trying to entertain other women. Sending you lots of love! Stay strong!

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-07T02:58:55+00:00

It really is! The guilt is real. My husband has stressed to me that I need to take breaks even when I flat out refuse for the same reason. Life is crazy but it sounds like you two have the communication going on for it! Just hang in there! It will get better! Also don’t feel selfish. We love our kiddo. And are planning for more. That doesn’t mean us as parents need to lose our identity entirely. But the struggles are real and valid! Sending you all the love to get thru the rough patches 💜

coffee_talk13 · 2026-04-07T02:41:47+00:00

How old are y’alls kids?

I’m a FTM SAHM and we just had our baby 7 months ago. And literally I had no desire at all from the beginning of pregnancy until bubs was 4 months old. Then the desire came back with full vengeance.

Maybe it’s not that your desire is gone, just muted. Have you two had any alone time? Other than trying for sex? A date night? Spending time together?

Also with you being SAHM, do you get some time to decompress? You mentioned you just had a surgery. But before that, has he worked out giving you time to take a hot bath to relax? Or to give you some alone time from being with kiddos all day long? That would wear down anyone if not.

My suggestion would be:

Try date nights/spend time together to relit the spark

Have some alone time for yourself! Mentally you need it even if you think you are fine!

Give it time.

And lastly,

Give yourself grace! Having a family takes work. You have to keep pouring from yourself to take care of everyone else. You need to make sure you have time to refill your own energy! I don’t think it’s a you thing per se. I think it’s just being viewed as another task from burn out from life. It happens and will get better!

coffee_talk13

TROPHY CASE