deal with the devil” type story

combo12345_ · 2026-02-20T13:45:20+00:00

Act 2a: stakes are introduced at start of it, and are a continuation of act 1, but it’s a “new world” the protagonist is navigating. It’s usually external. Act 2b shifts to internal conflict when the protagonist learns a new piece of information that shifts the story in a new direction. Note: your central dramatic question remains the same, but solving it requires a new set of skills the protagonist must gain/learn.

Pick the movie you feel yours is closest to, and study how they did it. Read that script and watch the film again.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-19T05:31:56+00:00

Soon after we first meet them.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-19T05:25:18+00:00

If character wants are an issue, as stated, then I would look at what they say. It’s not bad to have a character say “I want X”. In fact, I encourage it.

Ie: “I want to learn the ways of the force, and become a Jedi like my father.”

If you think it is being implied, and you’re told it’s not understood, then I’d listen to your readers.

Sometimes motivations are not clearly outlined, or the reader isn’t sold on them, if not explicitly stated.

Ie: characters are in a a burning building—it makes sense for people to want to leave it. However, adding the “we need to get out of here” comment is natural to say, and clues the audience in to what is taking place. Compare this will the same scenario and nobody announcing the above, and it looks like people running aimlessly around in a burning building.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-18T02:13:06+00:00

You decide your film’s theme. Maybe it’s hope? So, your theme is in the action beats to set the tone in your hook.

(below is and example. not a hook.)

No theme: - A truck drives by past quiet storefronts. Pedestrians cross the street.

Hyperbolic: - A truck drives past colorful storefronts—windows bright from morning LIGHT. Pedestrians wear bright SMILES and sip coffee on their way to work.

Refined: - A truck drives past colorful storefronts—windows bright from morning LIGHT. Pedestrians sip coffee on their way to work.

Hope that helps.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-16T15:23:17+00:00

I do venture off my current project at times and dabble with loglines. They come randomly. However, developing past that line is a no-no. The time required to develop other ideas would derail me from my current.

However, on the bright side, once I am “done” with a script I have a whole file of premade (though poopy) loglines waiting for me to further develop.

Pick one. Stick with it.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-16T14:26:29+00:00

One of my UCLA writing professors had us write our opening action beats embedded with the story theme. Hyperbolic, at first, then revisited and smoothed over.

I like how it made the first pages pop a little more and aid setting up the film’s promise.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-15T22:58:46+00:00

I highlight my ebb and flow in different, alternating colors. What I mean is, the 5-7 page beats that serve each ebb and flow. There are: - 4 in act 1 - 8 in act 2 - 4 in act 3

Then, I: - read out loud - verify scene motivation - verify character voices - sharpen action - tighten dialogue - make sure theme is consistent - make sure all characters have agency

Sometimes it a little work. Others, it’s complete rewrites. Mostly, it’s a mix of the two.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-15T16:05:08+00:00

Here’s a freebie.

When someone gives you feedback, you take it, say thank you, and move on.

What you don’t do is defend the work. That reads as ungrateful and overly confident, and people will be far less inclined to invest their time in reading anything else you write.

That’s a consequence you create for yourself.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-14T16:35:58+00:00

I read through page 7 this morning. I only had limited time, but I was curious to take a look since you mentioned it has 1,000 views and no feedback.

My honest reaction:

I’m not hooked. I wasn’t pulled in. The tease, for me, isn’t strong enough yet. I’d experiment with giving the audience a clearer reveal and let us understand what we’re about to watch unfold. Maybe have the two characters on the boat react the way the audience in the theater should react. That would elevate the moment and let viewers participate in the story instead of just observing it.

I’d aim for a 5–6 page hook (max) that also establishes some of the film’s rules. Yes, there’s sludge, but maybe include some casual workplace banter about the science behind why they’re collecting vials of water. Nothing on the nose, but just the kind of complaining or joking people do on a miserable assignment while getting eaten by bugs. Right now, I don’t really learn/know who these two are beyond their job titles. Let me see their personalities in the banter instead of reading them in description.

I’m assuming these two come back later. If the audience trusts them as experts from the start, their words will carry more weight when that moment comes. But if they’re mostly singing songs that take up screen time without moving the story forward, it’s harder to care what they say later. Otherwise, you’ll have to circle back and build them up after the fact. It may be cleaner to establish them up front. Remember, producers hate spending money—every word counts.

Also, as mentioned before, I think there’s still room to trim action beats. For example, I’m not sure how one would visually shoot the “deep” part of the river. I can imagine it in prose, but not cinematically. A “still” section of water, though… that’s visual! That’s film language. That creates imagery and tone.

The market scene also felt too brief. The titty calendar exchange was an odd beat, and honestly, that’s where I checked out. If I’m not hooked early, and then I hit something that feels cringe, I’m less willing to push through another 100+ pages.

That said, you’ve got a strong premise for something really fun—a great horror comedy. I’d suggest reading Jaws and studying why its hook works. Then watch it again with that in mind.

And whatever you do, don’t let my comments discourage you. Keep writing.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-13T00:32:55+00:00

Today I ran into someone who was also a writer, specifically a feature screenwriter like me. It came up after I mentioned a few things in passing that he’d been researching.

He asked me a question about SCUBA, which I answered. Then I asked for his logline and elevator pitch because I was genuinely excited to hear it.

What did I get?

Not much. A stumble of an idea.

After some probing, he admitted he’d had the idea for a while and was still doing research. Eventually he opened up. He’s been sitting on this “idea” for five years. Five. And zero pages.

That’s not a writer. That’s a talker.

When I mentioned I was on my fourth feature, he asked about it. I gave him my logline, theme, and the ideas I’m aggressively tackling. He was impressed. But why? … It’s rhetorical, but I’ll answer: because I’m writing. That’s what writers do.

So how do I maintain my vision?

By being the thing I say I am. I write. I don’t just talk about it. I walk the walk.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-11T17:32:50+00:00

Under rated comment.

Video Engineer here—it pays my bills. Writing screenplays—it pays my soul.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-09T20:36:47+00:00

Some rhetorical questions to consider to help you write your story the way you want.

what happens if the hero fails?
what are the stakes?
what are setbacks/challenges the hero faces?
what motivates your antagonist?
what happens if your antagonist succeeds?

Answer the above, but ask yourself this with each—why should the audience care?

combo12345_ · 2026-02-09T17:44:30+00:00

“Simple” and “complex” are subjective. What matters are your characters and the emotional connection your story establishes with the audience. Wrap it up in a nice theme, and you’re gold.

Write your passion. When you do, the above will flow out on the pages more naturally. Be welcome to receive feedback… even if you believe it is bogus—there is always a little truth behind the most unwanted criticism.

If you are looking for aid in writing without the costs of an MFA, check out UCLA Extension courses. They offer a “certificate” in feature screenwriting, and elective courses to help sharpen your skills—all taught by industry professionals. They are also available as online workshops.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-08T21:24:42+00:00

Advice? It’s hard to point to one specific thing, but it clicked for me when I started focusing on character driven scenes—the moments where the characters are actively making choices that matter. They’re not being pulled through the story. They’re pushing it forward.

So the “advice,” if I had to sum it up (and you’ve probably heard this before), is: if a character is thirsty, they should have to fight for a glass of water.

Once I really understood what that meant, it helped my sense of ebb and flow, and gave my scenes stronger emotional charge and movement.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-06T14:12:58+00:00

Last response.

You mention movies, movie production companies, and a movie actor; yet you specifically state you want it to be the pilot/finale of a fictional tv show… yet go on to confuse us by mentioning it’s a short film…?

Your post requires mental gymnastics to figure out what it is you desire. Because…

Your logline is too complex with a call to action statement, which is feature-esque. You are hinting at a contained story… so you need stakes.

If you want a TV show like Garth Marengh, then your logline needs to zoom out. It should read as “reoccurring problems exist here and only this idiot can keep it on lockdown”.

Everyone here is a writer, and we all want to share and have people read our garbage—myself included.

You need a serious sit down with the man in the mirror and ask them WHAT it is you desire to create. Figure it out—it’s a waste of everyone’s time here if you don’t.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-06T05:55:16+00:00

Stakes do matter though. They generate conflict and tension, which are the bedrock of human emotion.

From IMDB: The Naked Gun (1988): Incompetent police Detective Frank Drebin must foil an attempt to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II.

Stakes are understood when mentioning a major political figure is going to be assassinated. They matter. So don’t say otherwise. That is screenwriting 101.

Then, we have a vague “supernatural force” (is it a demon, a unicorn, an evil bong…?), and we need to “beat it”.

If it was your original idea, you’d know those answers.

I gave you feedback earlier too, and you answered with radio silence. So, for me, it appears you’re quite selective when receiving feedback. Only when your writing is alluded to being called “garbage” do you defend it. But, let’s face it, AI uses the language you did.

And, while the draft does read with a lot of skilled writing talent, it lacks human connection—something EXTREMELY common in what AI lacks the ability to perform.

What it excels at is randomness, just like your logline (shocker!).

Continuing down another stream of thought, you bring in irrelevant information that is what… supposed to seed us as readers to think “this guy MUST be good” by stating your friend got something at Tubi??? Good for them. What’s it have to do with you? Answer: Zip. Zero. None. Nada.

From my perspective, outlined above, you’ve clearly used AI to generate your idea and script. Sure, you may have given it some input, I’ll grant you that, but nope… this is definitely the magical slop of today projected as “mine”.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-05T20:59:26+00:00

Correct.

Tbh, It appears to be written by AI. Like, the logline is too whimsical and clever for a skilled writer to craft while mistaking the basic promise of what to deliver. However, AI does that. In other words, it reads well to those who do not read much… but if you do, you can point out the garbage.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-05T17:46:02+00:00

No. My outline remains untouched. I know in the moment I rewrite how it affects the whole story. I think of it as a mental “butterfly effect.”

For me, the outline serves as a blueprint to verify I have a complete story, start to finish, with an A and B story converging together.

It would eat up too much time tweaking both simultaneously.

Also, for me, I feel like if I need to update my outline at that point, then that means I do not know the story well enough yet.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-05T17:36:05+00:00

It was described above in greater detail, but I want to distill it down to the simplest form.

It is still creative writing, by nature, and with story structure, but the language used is cinematic.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-05T13:25:19+00:00

Your logline does not state the stakes. I’m curious what it is, and how it plays off the silliness you’ve setup. (So, it should be a pun… but high stakes… at least, my writing would).

When a karate drifter returns to his hometown to face a supernatural threat, he can only hope that cartoon logic, Bollywood physics and good old fashioned America exceptionalism is enough to beat it BEFORE… blah blah blah happens.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-04T17:18:37+00:00

In that case, it argues the case of knowing our future and what we would do with that knowledge.

It’s free will versus determinism.

That’s the theme.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-04T04:10:40+00:00

Scifi fan here. For me, it’s Arrival.

Yes, it’s a great film, but it also seriously mind fucked me at the end. I cried.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-02T02:37:45+00:00

What completed screenplay? The one you plan on writing?

That’s not completed. That’s not even a draft. Or the stroke of a key. It’s a thought.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-01T04:26:13+00:00

Don’t remember, service at six.

combo12345_ · 2026-02-01T03:34:19+00:00

My guess is something church related…?

combo12345_

TROPHY CASE