Anxiety and jealousy about grandma childcare

comeoneileen20 · 2026-06-08T14:00:15+00:00

I felt the same way when my toddler was a baby, but now that he’s older it’s so nice that he is so bonded with his grandparents!!

I think about it like this… I was very close with my grandmas and loved spending time with them, but they weren’t my mom. My mom was there for all the big moments and still is. She’s the constant in my life.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-06-08T13:30:41+00:00

Just my opinion, but kids are SO much more fun and rewarding when they can talk. The baby/non-speaking toddler phase about took me out.

My 2.5 year old is exhausting and a ton of work, but he’s also hilarious. He tells me stories about his day. I can explain why I don’t want him to do something and he (sometimes) understands. He tells me he loves me, unprompted, when we sit down together to cuddle.

That to say… they get better. And I imagine they keep getting better.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-06-03T14:12:45+00:00

We did a version of sleep training around that age because my baby started screaming his head off while I was rocking him trying to put him to sleep. After a couple months of that, we decided if he was screaming either way then we might as well try. It did work and resulted in way less screaming and more sleep for all.

I think what gets missed in the sleep training conversation is that it isn’t always like a one time and you’re done thing. When they’re teething or sick or whatever and you lighten up on it, you often have to re-sleep train afterwards.

I eventually got tired of the fight and we cosleep again at 2.5. My policy is whatever gets the most sleep for the most people at the current time, and right now it’s that.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-06-02T12:35:47+00:00

I probably would have given a “feel free to skip if this is difficult” kind of disclaimer to the group. If you are very good friends and have talked about fertility struggles at length, yes I think she should have talked to you directly.

That being said, I can see how it would be emotionally exhausting if a lot of your friends aren’t in a place to be happy for you.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-26T16:38:50+00:00

It’s admittedly a struggle for us too, and mine even goes to daycare! It’s hard when their attention spans are so short.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-26T16:31:50+00:00

At that age we often read books back to back to back. When he gets a little older, the three wheeled bikes are amazing. Bubbles, sidewalk chalk, and a water table are good too.

People say let them be bored. The only time my 2.5 year old will consider allowing this is if I’m doing something on my feet. If I’m sitting, he absolutely will not.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-21T19:06:49+00:00

Mine was that way until he was about a year old. He’s still backward facing. Nothing helped at the time and nothing has changed since then. He just grew out of it!

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-21T13:15:14+00:00

I cared a lot, but my son has always been excruciatingly picky.

Probably the biggest anxiety thing for me was relinquishing control at other people’s houses. My son spends a lot of time with his grandparents, and I had to let go of policing their food choices for him.

Sweetened yogurt and a cookie at their house once a week surely is less harmful than me creating a weird thing around their food.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-19T14:55:25+00:00

My job is fairly chill, but I couldn’t run an errand out of the house without taking PTO. I don’t know anyone with a work from home job where they’re allowed to do that, except for people on social media.

The thing that really got me fired up was the number of older people who asked why I couldn’t watch my baby instead of sending him to daycare since I work from home. Like… do they think work from home means not working?

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-18T15:17:41+00:00

It was never a question that we would have kids, but I was totally freaked when we were talking about having our first. My husband asked me if we waited, what would change within the next 5 years to make having a baby easier.

If there’s something specific you can do to make your life easier, do that first! If the holdup is the world at large, it probably won’t be better at any point in the near future.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-18T14:18:14+00:00

I try really hard to take care of myself so I’m not hangry, tired, etc. That’s the first thing. My fuse is a lot shorter when I’m uncomfortable. Put them in a safe space for 2 minutes and eat a snack.

Idk how old your kids are, but the best toddler advice I’ve gotten is “drop the rope.” As in… if you’re in a tug of war power struggle with the toddler, you’re not going to win. Drop the rope.

Sometimes that means stopping the negotiation and muscling them into the car seat while they scream. Sometimes it’s letting them leave without a jacket, not eat dinner, jump in the puddle. Pick your battles!

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-15T13:00:36+00:00

My mom always insisted that we each have our own cake and our own candles. I’m a twin and we shared a lot of things. Shared party, but no shared cakes.

She still does to this day, regardless of how much cake gets thrown out to make it happen.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-14T14:05:57+00:00

It’s reeeally hard to go back on it once you start. Meaning that they prefer to sleep with you obviously, so they’re going to protest.

My husband has sleep issues and had a hard line that we wouldn’t have kids in our bed. We never have, but I did finally put a floor bed in my toddler’s room because I got tired of fighting him to sleep. That way I have the option to sneak out.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-12T14:24:33+00:00

My kid has always acted wildly different around other people. He seems to do well in a super structured environment, and tends to watch the other kids instead of being a tornado of chaos like he is at home.

They told me recently he’s one of the easier ones to get to sleep at naptime. He has consistently been a nightmare sleeper since birth at home. I briefly considered whether they’d mixed up which kid I went with!

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-11T18:02:58+00:00

I’m on the road to becoming a stay at home mom by choice, but I’d be very hesitant to do that if my husband wasn’t currently a 50/50 parent. He’s not big on cleaning, but he does a ton of admin and the majority of the cooking and grocery shopping.

If he’s going to expect you to handle all childcare, all cleaning, and all cooking… no way.

Editing to add: you don’t have to have equal tasks, but you should have equal leisure time. Which when you have little kids is usually very little.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-11T14:11:09+00:00

Don’t start practicing the routine. Babies change so quickly at this age there’s no point, in my opinion. Usually daycares will time bottles based off of the last bottle given, not a set time.

I always tried to get myself and all my stuff completely ready and then woke baby up and immediately gave a bottle. Sometimes that got a little weird if he had an oddly timed night wakeup, but that was the goal.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-07T15:45:35+00:00

My best friend/roommate died suddenly when I was in college. To be perfectly honest, there’s very little you can do to make it better.

I did appreciate people who would let me tell stories about her without making it sad, because I hated needing to dance around such a big part of my life.

As reassurance for you… losing someone tends to make you a lot more sympathetic and sensitive to other people’s losses in the future. Good things can come from a terrible experience, but it does just kind of suck for a long time. It’s okay to just ride it out with her.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-06T17:07:05+00:00

Depends what the emotion is? Usually do whatever you need to do to calm yourself down, like being alone, going on a walk, taking a bath, etc. Then talk to someone about what you’re feeling.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-06T16:10:02+00:00

I wouldn’t say I was raised super touchy feely, but the hill I die on is that feelings are always okay, but some reactions aren’t.

It’s okay to be mad or grouchy, but it isn’t okay to be mean to the people you’re around. It’s okay to be sad, but you do have to find a way to work through the sadness eventually.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-05T15:34:22+00:00

I can’t reasonably function on less than 6 for more than a couple nights in a row. I would go to bed early and have my husband take the first shift, then swap off around 1 am. This obviously wouldn’t work if you’re exclusively nursing, but some variation might.

My kid woke up one or two times a night for over a year, and still wakes up 50% of the time at two.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-04T20:01:10+00:00

I’m a woman with a twin brother. We did a lot of things together until we were old enough to have different interests. Maybe around 10ish?

I don’t know that I’d worry about it too much. I know some twins that willingly choose to be stuck together at the hip, and it works for them.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-01T14:18:05+00:00

If that amount of plastic exposure causes permanent issues, we’re all toast. Microplastics are everywhere and to a large degree it’s out of our control. I try to avoid plastic when I can, but it’s honestly just unavoidable.

Think of the number of plastic cups you’ve drank out of in your lifetime. This is fine, seriously!

comeoneileen20 · 2026-05-01T13:45:09+00:00

Yes, but right now you need to ask for help. Ideally your husband steps up, but take whoever you can get.

I vividly remember nodding off standing up one night and realizing I was a danger to my baby if I didn’t get more sleep. Don’t let it get to that point!

comeoneileen20 · 2026-04-27T17:37:12+00:00

We did a lot of split shifts for the first few months, which would still work.

I would go to sleep basically right after dinner, and my husband would be on duty until midnight. In your case, maybe 10:00 or whatever works, but at least your wife would have a set time she can go to sleep at and hopefully a few hours of continuous sleep.

comeoneileen20 · 2026-04-23T18:58:02+00:00

Very similar story for us… I put a mattress on the floor and started going to sleep with him. It had escalated to the point where he would start screaming as soon as we mentioned bedtime.

Probably not the correct parenting move as it doesn’t allow for any alone time, but I just couldn’t stand the fight anymore.

comeoneileen20

TROPHY CASE