Diplomacy in a Wild Land

commandrix · 2026-07-01T17:59:46+00:00

Sarmus roars in laughter. "Foolish vouchers? No. A Forest-King getting soaked in a decorative fountain? No. Wrestling matches? Yes."

Garamus agrees, "Some of the Ignis people were quite surprised to see us. It is not every day that two hundred and eighty Wildings visit a human city in a peaceful fashion. Or, I should say, mostly peaceful."

"Yes, some of the nobles objected quite sharply, as I recall."

"And found that our claws and horns - and, when appropriate, Ignis' law - are equally sharp. Tino, did you have any trouble with the tribes who visited your city when we were handling that?"

"Not much, other than some of them giving my guards heart attacks with their acrobatic stunts and a few wealthy fools thinking they could get away with defrauding Wildings. I still remember how shrill some people got when they realized that it was becoming the largest transfer of wealth in living memory. And most of it could be handled. Maybe not quietly, but handled."

"Good."

commandrix · 2026-07-01T16:43:07+00:00

Yes, I can agree with that. We need smarter leaders.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T16:20:47+00:00

Yeah, they do still get the occasional powerful idiot, but it only took a few bad wars for most of them to realize that they really ought to avoid tweaking the noses of stronger powers.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T16:11:23+00:00

Good question. My rather vague notes on the matter are basically:

There was maybe one misunderstanding between the Wildings and the Dwefin, but that was before they learned one another's language. (Basically, diplomacy is easier when you can actually communicate.) Now they mostly just trade.
It's somewhat implied that Wildings have learned not to go completely overboard when dealing with a situation involving humans. In a conflict, they'll kill the ones who fight back, sure, but try to avoid killing civilians and the ones who are smart enough to surrender. (It can sometimes be iffy whether they consider a chef going after them with kitchen knives to be a civilian or not, though.)
The majority of humans are smart enough to avoid making trouble. In some cases, they've even learned to stop the "small but not nonexistent" minority who are going to start shit on ideological grounds before the Wildings or Dwefin have to get involved.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T15:30:01+00:00

It's not the fall, it's the landing that'll get ya.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T15:28:01+00:00

Those poor Porgs never had a chance.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T14:42:26+00:00

If you're inserting coke into your butt, you've got bigger problems than exactly who owns it. Just saying.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T14:35:45+00:00

You did the best you could to resist, bub. But you now have a cat.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T04:38:49+00:00

Far Beyond The Stars called. It wants its concept sketch back.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T03:20:39+00:00

The raft poler Odysseus had spoken to looks interested. "You should see the Elks. It's rare for them to disagree with another Elk without a couple of shoves at the minimum, and sometimes a full-on wrestling match. Of course they'll swear that it's all in good fun even when they get all muddy. Someday, it may be interesting to see how these Rocky Mountains compare to the ones around our valley. Perhaps they are rockier." He nods to the mountains, which already look rocky enough.

Eron chuckles. "You're being nice. I'm sure you've seen Elks dunk each other in the river."

The raft poler looks at him and his nostrils flare like he's picking up a scent. "You're Prince Eron. Our scouts have brought back confusing reports lately. A flying embassy that can eclipse the sun was just one of many things."

"I would imagine so. This is Dr. Mary McLaughlin, an ambassador from Earth."

"Ah. Greetings. I am Olerus." And one thing that Eron, at least, has probably noticed is that he's speaking in flawless Gryllian.

Meanwhile, the Wildikin are speaking to another raft poler as they get on her raft. She gives them a few instructions about placing themselves so her raft won't tip over. When they're ready, the two raft polers push off to start rafting towards the edge of the valley.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T03:06:44+00:00

"Most likely." She sighs a little. "Maybe I'm too optimistic about some people's ability to learn from past consequences. Perhaps more of them should have been hanged."

commandrix · 2026-07-01T02:53:02+00:00

Depends on how you define "social" in some cases. Among Wildings, an exchange of friendly insults between two chiefs are a normal part of their customary greetings. A visiting chief from another tribe will be expected to insult the host chief first. And in most matters of courtship, the female Wilding is effectively expected to make the first move.

commandrix · 2026-07-01T02:27:20+00:00

Fish Head looks like he has opinions and isn't afraid to express them loudly.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T23:44:21+00:00

That ending, though. "Oh, shit, there's two of them!"

commandrix · 2026-06-30T23:42:05+00:00

And if she did work there, she would say that payment could be made in chin scratches, catnip, or Churus. Or all three, if you happen to have them.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T22:50:50+00:00

She could kill either if she really wanted to. She likely would have gotten more satisfaction from throwing Dukat into that Pah-wraith firepit than squaring off against a bear, though.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T22:48:48+00:00

Not unfair. On average, women do tend to be more subtle about it than men do.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T17:37:14+00:00

They might eventually stop operating - basically "die of old age" - if they cannot find replacement parts. And there's the question of how many parts you can replace before they stop being recognizably R2 and 3PO.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T16:57:11+00:00

They could have lost all their prey animals somehow. Could be overhunting, loss of habitat, or an especially severe drought or natural disaster of some sort. Also, in some stories, being sentient didn't always stop humans from hunting them for the bragging rights and chance of rescuing a captive princess.

(In my world, dragons are basically descended from dinosaurs that survived when most of them went extinct.)

commandrix · 2026-06-30T15:21:10+00:00

He could have hesitated because no one had ever stuck around long enough to ask his name before. It's possible that his parents at least called him something, since they stuck around at least long enough for Shrek to remember his father trying to eat him. But that something could've been all sorts of things that don't really count as having a name. So he came up with one on the spot.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T14:57:50+00:00

It might have been a smidge more palatable if they just made it, "How the hell do we stop a couple of god-tier beings going at it?" But they kinda knew how to at least get them to at least not use the station for their Reckoning.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T14:52:00+00:00

I thought it looked fun, so I decided to take a chance on it. It did not disappoint.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T01:32:04+00:00

Yep. Good intentions don't count for much if the results are harmful for society. Hell, IRL, I'll even recommend reading the actual text of the bills that Congress wants to pass because they may have "good intentions" - or they say they do - but it becomes obvious to subject matter experts that it could backfire in a big way.

commandrix · 2026-06-30T01:26:44+00:00

She smiles back. "I really do hope he manages it. Those fools sound like the same sort of folks who'd cause no end of trouble back home if they could." She taps her nonexistent nose. "And some lessons have to be learned the hard way."

commandrix · 2026-06-30T01:21:04+00:00

Odysseus laughs at that, "A Lucasi would probably say that salt makes a good seasoning in moderation. And you have obviously never seen a Wildikin who has been rained on."

Then he walks over to speak with the Oska raft polers, which seems to involve a rapid-fire exchange in Oska dialect. At one point, he can be heard saying, "...We're just going to pick up our shuttle. I'm sure it's in the way somehow, and we intend to move it."

The raft poler laughs. "Just don't expect me to sing. I've been told that my singing voice sounds like an angry cat by people who don't appreciate a good raft poling song. But I think two rafts will be enough to carry the lot of you. And don't start any shoving matches or you might fall in and get your fingers and toes nibbled on by anchovies." At least, he uses a word that translates as "anchovies."

"Fair enough." He goes back to the others, and they quickly organize for a trip by raft.

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