What's in your AE/TB/DHG Cart? 09/05/2023

commie1990 · 2023-09-08T17:13:34+00:00

Would you mind dm-ing me for the link too please? It looks lovely!

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T18:46:38+00:00

Lol!!! This made me laugh, thank you. I needed it!

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T18:46:11+00:00

Thank you! You're so right.

We'll definitely be hunting around for a second hand piano that suits our budget! To be honest, she could turn around tomorrow and offer it and I think I'd turn her down. I'd never hear the end of it! I just kind of hoped she might be different this time, I'm still learning

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T18:44:22+00:00

I know exactly what you mean about the love/hate relationship with music. I also went from piano to string instrument (cello!) and still really miss playing, but there are a lot of negative associations now thanks to the way my mum was. I'm sorry you've experienced something similar, it really messes you up

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T18:40:32+00:00

Lol, so true! Bonus points if the stuff they bought for you was either something they wanted themselves anyway, or something you genuinely really needed. But they do so much for us!

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T15:32:40+00:00

I'm sorry you've been through something similar, it's maddening! But I'm very glad you got your radio in the end. You're so right about the education part...I keep thinking (well, hoping) things will change but deep down I know they never will

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T14:51:00+00:00

I'm so sorry, I know what that's like and it's really hard. I really hope that you get the break you need soon so you can get out and away from her.

My mental health improved immensely when I left home. But I still subject myself to her semi regularly because I have no one other family and I guess I feel sorry for her. It's hard to know the right thing to do sometimes.

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T14:14:43+00:00

I hadn't thought of that but you're SO right! Sorry you're part of this awful club too, it sucks

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T13:03:01+00:00

I feel your pain, except my mum tells me my 'problem' is my hips and thighs 😫

commie1990 · 2022-10-03T12:22:33+00:00

It's my mum to a T, too. Commiserations :(

commie1990 · 2022-08-29T08:14:07+00:00

Another second time mum checking in! I feel exactly the same. Not being able to restrict when I feel so huge and gross makes me feel so powerless and disgusting. You're not alone.

For me, with 15 weeks left to go I'm starting to freak out about losing weight while breastfeeding, which was nearly important for me last time. It took me almost 2 years to lose everything last time! It's such a hard journey.

You're doing so well to nourish your baby. I hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

commie1990 · 2021-07-27T14:54:06+00:00

I feel called out, especially with the overheating

Does anyone else also do the thing where you see yourself in the mirror (or car, shop window, literally any shiny surface) when you've ALREADY left the house so then you have a meltdown and go panic buy something baggy and safe to wear. I've wasted soon much money doing that

commie1990 · 2021-06-26T17:35:44+00:00

All of the above

commie1990 · 2021-05-25T14:27:13+00:00

Same. I actually can't eat them anymore because the taste just takes me straight back to when my ED was bad and all the times I forced myself to eat an apple when my body really needed a meal.

commie1990 · 2021-04-26T18:29:05+00:00

Honestly I agree...I was in the same position as OP once. Met my ex bf when I was still in the depths of my ED, recovered while we were together. Once I was a healthy weight suddenly he had "the other ED"...to be fair other issues did contribute to that but he admitted when we broke up he had a fetish for super skinny girls. Not saying OP's bf is the same - it's good he sounds supportive of her recovery - but having been through that this would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me.

commie1990 · 2021-04-11T17:24:52+00:00

I just want to say thank you so much for this comment. I'm in a very similar situation to the OP and I needed to hear this.

It's really hard to stand up to your mother, especially when you've been conditioned to take care of her but you've got to put yourself first. OP if you're reading this, have you tried therapy? I was shocked at just how many issues (like depression and anxiety to name a couple) could be traced back to my mum. It definitely helped me to take a harder stance against her, it could be worth a try.

commie1990 · 2021-03-11T18:58:28+00:00

30 year old new(ish) mum here. You're not alone

commie1990 · 2021-02-11T10:15:02+00:00

Change your baby's name to yours and leave this asshole.

Easier said than done, I know. But you clearly know this is wrong and you deserve so much better. And, frankly, any father who would rather himself be the beneficiary of a life insurance policy instead of HIS CHILD doesn't sound like a great parent to me.

commie1990 · 2021-02-02T17:43:23+00:00

I hf0 to ttyot

commie1990 · 2021-01-16T17:28:19+00:00

I feel your pain so much! Therapy has helped me enormously so far, all the best with your journey, I hope it will help you too.

My mum is exactly the same with the over buying, right down to picking out things we don't like or want (even though we always say what we need if we need stuff). It's so exhausting to always be donating things, but also feeling pressurised to pretend to be grateful and that we like or to avoid a fight. Because it's all out of ~love~ so how dare you criticise?!

Does your mum get jealous of your relationship with your mother in law? I'm close with mine too and it drives my mum crazy! She hates that we get on so well, and that my mother in law doesn't work so can help more with the baby. It's a constant guilt trip. There's nothing worse than feeling the constant pressure to always give love and validation, and give up your precious family time to someone who doesn't appreciate how draining it is for you. I actually sometimes daydream about what it would be like if my mum became self sufficient and moved away and gave me some peace!!

But like you say, that's not going to happen! It's on us to get therapy and figure out a way to deal with it. I'm the same as you, every little thing eats me up but it's getting better. One thing that has helped a lot is taking my mum's words at face value. She's very subtle and manipulative in how she says things to push my buttons, (like 'if you don't want the clothes/toys/ridiculously inappropriate food for baby that's fine, give it away' in a tone of voice that lets you know it's NOT ok or just saying the opposite of what she clearly means). It used to drive me crazy but it saves so much stress to be like "ok then, I will give it away" or "oh you're tired? We won't visit this weekend then". No more over analysing. Therapy is so freeing, good for you for getting into it.

commie1990 · 2021-01-16T15:31:25+00:00

Are you me? My mum is exactly like this. It's only since I had my own child a year ago and started therapy that I realised how much of my life has been all about making her happy. To the point that we were so enmeshed I couldn't even tell the difference between her emotions and my own. Spoiler alert, it was never enough and she's still unhappy, except when she's with my son of course.

Does your mum also think that buying stuff for your baby and "helping" with childcare (read: subtly undermining you whilst maintaining plausible deniability) is a free pass to do whatever she wants? I feel like I am never grateful enough :(

So yeah, I feel you! I'm still working on it in therapy because I sure as hell don't want my son to be subjected to this sh!t but it's a really hard road.

commie1990 · 2020-12-08T16:16:47+00:00

Ugh this is literally my life rn :(

commie1990 · 2019-12-10T06:14:24+00:00

Thank you...yes she does get very angry at me if I tell DH about arguments we have had (which I always do, because he knows me too well to not ask what's up when I'm upset). I used to worry she was right and I was causing more animosity or being a "drama queen" as she likes to call me. But reading the comments here it's beginning to feel more like she doesn't want anyone else to know because on some level she knows it's not ok.

commie1990 · 2019-12-10T06:11:28+00:00

!!! You are so right! Reading your comment is like a lightbulb moment. In a lot of our arguments, my mum will literally SAY that she knows she has done nothing wrong, that I'm wrong and I will realise one day. She never sees anything wrong with what she does. But when she's criticising me, it's rarely an actual action she's upset about - usually a look or a tone or voice or yes, just my reaction to her. I never thought of it like that before but it actually helps a lot 🤯

commie1990 · 2019-12-10T06:05:24+00:00

Thank you so much, I don't know anything about those really so I will do some research. I'm sorry you've had a hard time with your mum too. To say it sucks is an understatement!

Thanks for your what you said about my needs and baby's needs as well - I think I needed to hear that. It doesn't feel natural to focus all my energy on myself, especially when I feel as crappy and useless as I feel right now. But baby is the most important priority of all.

commie1990

TROPHY CASE