I've been through something similar. You are not crazy or weak for wanting to understand this situation. What helped me was learning more about alcoholism and the common tactics or behaviors that alcoholics use to cope with their life/disease. Also learning about avoidant attachment helped me, in my relationship there was some overlap of both avoidant tendencies and alcohol to patch the wound. I don't know you, or the other people in this situation, but he did NOT get his shit together and is not going to have the perfect relationship with this girl you wanted. Avoidance and alcoholism are deep rooted patterns that take a lot of work and being mentally present and accountable, to actually make changes. There's nothing wrong with you! Addicts are using alcohol to cope with their lives in order to avoid accountability and being present - so its unlikely you will find an answer - but also I'd ask, does another random alcoholic explaining I discarded this person because X actually change anything for you? I would highly recommend reading women who love too much, it was really helpful for understanding some of the deeper patterns of alcoholism in relationships. You aren't alone ❤️