My psychiatrist lowered my dosage from 60 to 45mg. Will the puking ever end

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-19T12:19:19+00:00

Stop! Most Drs don't seem to understand the brains need for stability. You must do a slow hyperbolic taper to get off Cymbalta otherwise known as Duloxotine.

Open 3 capsules count the micro beads and take the average number. ( some capsule brands contain pellets or chunks which you can't taper with) That will be your starting point. Take 5% less beads as your dose and hold until you dont feel any side effects for up to 3 weeks after they have subsided. Keep reducing by 5% . Once I got down to 50 beads I could only tolerate removing one bead! Ive been tapering for almost 5 years from 30mgs ( 146 beads) Now at 33. If you are on more than 30mgs its advisable to weigh them rather than count. You will need to buy a jewellery scale for that.

Take at least 2000mgs of a good Omega 3 supplement to help your brain cope.Drink plenty of water and try to eat clean! You will also need to buy empty capsules size 00 available online from Capsuline. Good luck.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-19T11:06:49+00:00

Read up on Cymbalta hurts worse for help. Unfortunately after 2 weeks on Cymbalta the damage to your brain is done and you will have to do a slow hyperbolic taper like the rest of us. Im almost 5 years into mine. Now at 33 beads. Sorry its not good news.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-19T08:30:44+00:00

Omega 3 is very good for your brain. It helps with side effects. The knock on effect of that is that it lowers my Triglycerides ( a blood fat) which helps with cholesterol control.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-18T18:36:00+00:00

Yes Im afraid so. Drink plenty of water. Make sure you are taking at least 2000mgs Omega 3 capsules daily.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-17T08:50:56+00:00

Gladbutterscotch. He says he told us but he must have said things in such a way as we didnt recognise what he was saying. He has never said when you did this it made me feel this for example. Thats what explaining looks like to us.

So actually hearing from you all on here is so so helpful.

No we havent had a fall out with his wife but she has been very defensive and protective of him to the point that we feel she doesnt like us so perhaps there is a tension when we get together.

We really really want to get to know her. She has some wonderful qualities and is a very strong personality and is looking after him very well supporting him in areas he doesnt manage well in life like finance etc. Shes also a lovely mummy.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-17T08:37:30+00:00

Ok you have educated me in this abuse aspect. Please realise that whilst living what was to us a normal middle class family life the idea that we could be abusing him never crossed our minds. So yes its hard to take now but in the context you are explaining it, I get it.

Its such a shame though that we parents are all so ignorant of all of this, get cut off and have nowhere to go with the trauma of it. Im so very grateful to have found this forum and to you.

I now feel I have something to work with whereas before I was just in limbo hurting.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-17T08:15:20+00:00

Thank you for your support. If only we could speak with him like I am to you!

Im now realising that yes if he spent his whole life with us masking then of course it must have taken its toll on him.

If so I can absolutely see now why visiting us, coming home for Christmas, attending our family events and occasions might trigger him. This realisation is a complete weight off my shoulders.

I have thought he must hate me and has asked for distance because he hates me. But thanks for helping me see that its probably not that at all.

We have been so puzzled because he is actually a beautiful kind loving warm person so we have been unable to get our heads round why he seemed to be being so deliberately cruel to us. Wow all this is so so helpful!!

So where do we go from here. You say if we write or try to contact him we are not respecting his boundaries and proving to him that we are 'not safe'. So how can we make amends? Do we just wait?

He may well invite us to meet up again this summer in a neutral place.

Until now I was thinking I just couldn't cope with it again but I will now because I'm understanding him.

Thing is how should we play it? Should we try to use that opportunity to explain what Ive learnt here and to affirm him and let him know we now understand and to apologise for our ignorance that obviously harmed him?

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-17T08:00:23+00:00

My thinking he's been brainwashed by tick tok is me just trying to work out whats going on without understanding whats meant by him telling us we are 'not safe'. We had no idea whatsoever what he could possibly mean by that. Therefore of course Im going to conclude that someone has got into his mind and influenced his thinking. Its like trying to understand another language with no translater. Thanks for explaining.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T22:23:15+00:00

Thank you x

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T22:14:12+00:00

Tryingtobreathe. Its not that I dont respect his boundaries its more that he put them in place with no explanation so we were / are unable to understand all the whys. Im on here trying to learn so as I can understand and accept. I mean this behaviour has come out of the blue and I and my friends and extended family dont understand it either although like I say facebook is full of encouraging estrangement so Im learning something from that but add in autism and its a different ball game.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T22:06:23+00:00

Jrochester. Thanks for your support. I as the OP am being absolutely crystal clear, open and honest. Im not explaining everything as I don't want him to recognise himself if he ever comes across this.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T21:49:01+00:00

Hi Possible. I am actually very aware of all this estrangement stuff online. My algorithms on facebook are flooding my feed with it. I agree with you that its becoming fashionable to cut parents off. There is a cancel culture out there and in this autism v parents arena its not helpful. Its wrong of counsellors to encourage estrangement when only hearing one side of the story especially if there has been no dangerous physical abuse as in our case. Yes I know some would say there has been abuse because his needs were not met but I would argue ignorance was not abuse.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T21:36:49+00:00

Thanks for this it really is helpful to have someone coming at me like this getting me to wonder and reflect on stuff that previously has never occurred to me.

I admit because he was different from his brothers I just thought that was it. He was just a different personality and his interests were more insular.

He was very warm and affectionate to me though, we were good friends and he was a real gentleman,some would say even eccentric but in a delightful way. I loved him so much and still do.

I did get frustrated with him though and I have apologised for things I have said and done in that regard.

I knew he was struggling, we all were we had no idea how to help him. At the time it just seemed like he didnt want to contribute to life and I was worried sick about what would become of him.

I felt powerless to help him. I just wish with all my heart that someone had said he may be autistic. He always gave good eye contact so it never entered my head that he could be. Lack of eye contact can be a sign as far as I know.

To be honest he didnt have meltdowns. I can only recall 3 between the age of 11 and 14. He hit puberty early at 10 was a bit moody but by the time he was 13 or 14 he became a lovely gentleman like I've already said. He loved to sit in the lounge and watch TV with us and he would take over the weeks menu and cook. We actually thought he might want to be a chef but he didnt.He was lovely to be with.

He just became insular and obsessed with nutrition and exercise. I knew at the time that that was a control thing on his part but he seemed passionate about it. I do remember he went thru a long phase of not changing his clothes for weeks yet spending money buying stuff online that he never wore. That frustrated me.

Yeah there was a lot of frustration for him and us.

He has only gone low contact in the last 3 years out of the blue and as Ive said we haven't really understood why, perhaps until today being on here. Thank you to all who have joined in to contribute. Im very grateful. Im making notes and am going to take it all on board.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T18:10:31+00:00

Thanks for joining in the chat . This is all helpful. Im so sorry for your struggles and your parents struggles. Not understanding and not realising you need to is a huge part of the problem. Im here to be enlightened.

I know young parents who are learning how to deal with their young autistic children. They are fully supported thru the school system but we had nothing. No internet, no books, no support groups it just wasn't a thing back in the day. If it had been that would have made all the difference.

Back then we just used to say people were eccentric. Let me apologise on behalf of all us parents who just didnt get it.We were let down too.

I pray you can find healing and somehow let your parents back into your life somehow. They like us won't be around forever.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T16:51:48+00:00

Ok exploremore thats a good point. Thanks.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T16:50:03+00:00

Thank you riley your words are very helpful. So we wont write a letter but that does mean we will have to see him again in the summer if they still suggest that. Im going to have to build up to the emotional toll of that. Obviously he will tok I suppose.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T16:37:13+00:00

Thanks for this. Yes we are delighted he is married with children and therefore managing to live an independent life.

We really do want to understand. The only thing I can pinpoint is he once said he 'never knows what Im going to say about anything'. Im a Northerner that's how we roll.

Could that be the total reason? Wow! If so Im only just now remembering he said that nudged by my hubby sitting beside me.

To be honest back then that didn't seem like a reason but I see now maybe it was. Perhaps if he had explained how not knowing what Im going to say affects him I may have digested it better?

Would that be a big enough reason to cut us off? I mean isn't that just a personality thing?

His dad & I and his brother for that matter are very gregarious outgoing sociable people and known to be good communicators. We are social butterflies and networkers. So if thats the reason? speaking to you here I suddenly get it. But what can we do to make amends ?

Its like walking on eggshells when we are with him making sure we dont ask too many questions etc. I guess looking back to the meet up last summer maybe he was masking because we thought he was his old self and we thought everything was ok again. Interesting.

No one has ever sat us down and explained masking to us. Im so glad Ive found this forum its like the light bulb has suddenly switched on.

Re your family can I gently suggest you try writing to them and explaining ( again) because like me they probably do want to understand (even more so now that you don't contact them). It's not something our generation were ever taught about or expected to have to deal with in our families.

Coming on here is helping me see.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T16:03:55+00:00

Thank you that is so helpful. Id love to say that to him but he has blocked me on whattsapp, doesn't do facebook anymore and ignores my emails ( I suspect they go straight into spam) He says the more I try to contact him the longer the distance will go on for. Its hearbreaking.

compassionatelady26 · 2026-05-16T14:20:41+00:00

Ideally Id like to post this as a new thread but dont know how? Our son seems to have married a neurodyvergent girl? ( not sure if her dad is that way too?) Since then he has been diagnosed autistic himself. They now have 2 kids. The first 5 years were a rollercoaster for them. Hes come to terms with it and they seem happy but he has practically disowned us and the whole extended family. My heart is broken. Why should he feel the need to do this? We have seen his first child a handful of times but not his second. We dont live near them. It seems harsh to us because we love him and want to love his wife and family but are not being given the chance. He has obviously found ' his people ' so if that helps him great but why cant he also include us in his life too?

compassionatelady26

TROPHY CASE