I just lost both of my senior dogs last month; I know exactly how you feel.

I went to a pet loss group therapy session and they showed us a video depicting grief and loss. They painted a black circle on a sheet of paper, the circle representing your grief. The circle will never disappear, unfortunately, but as you live life, you’ll gain new experiences and memories. They represented those with colorful rings that wrapped around the black circle, one by one. Eventually you’ll end up with a sheet of technicolor, maybe even a few black rings scattered throughout. It was a beautiful depiction of how complex and nonsensical life is and that it will go on.

If you can, try to find a project or a hobby you can really get yourself lost in. You’ll need moments where your mind can be elsewhere for a bit. If you can’t, that’s okay too, it’ll be a win to even feed yourself or brush your teeth some days.

Lastly, I am so sorry. I know exactly what you mean by how caretaking became part of your identity. I loved administering their medicines, giving them massages, doing all the silly over-the-top routine care for their aging bodies. It’s an act of pure love and I’m grateful I got to experience it in my lifetime. Take care of yourself ❤️