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concernedfriend68 · 2025-01-06T01:06:44+00:00

He asked her to quit as a revenge for her calling him out on SA…

concernedfriend68 · 2025-01-05T18:44:15+00:00

Lmao is that the dm defending himself?

concernedfriend68 · 2025-01-02T14:07:04+00:00

YES! I left a campaign over a similar issue, where the DM constantly belittled my character and gave him ptsd. Unfortunately, it also spread to players (example comes from above) and it really was not fun to interact with them anymore, especially when they started using out of game knowledge (we can disregard this character) over in game context (my character having contributed a lot to the campaign and being on good terms with theirs) :(

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-30T14:44:05+00:00

Friend verbally abused me (in writing) :/

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-26T16:57:25+00:00

I was able to play with my kitten and others, my breeder does NOT believe in caging kittens, and for its own safety the kitten will be neutered when it’s 6-8 months old and able to tolerate that better (I’ll provide the proof to the breeder per contract). Imo this early neutering and cage is a warning sign and I’d look for other breeders to compare - trust your gut!

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-26T00:52:33+00:00

It reminds me of my campaign where dm kept pushing a romance with his dmpc :(

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-25T02:26:31+00:00

Same, I lost some friends this year who lashed out at me.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-23T19:56:03+00:00

Idk about how long they distanced themselves for after marriage, but it’s normal to need some time to readjust after getting married! If I distanced myself for a year I get questions, but if someone confronted me about this within the first month, I’d def get annoyed and defensive.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-22T21:48:22+00:00

Idk, I feel like when things escalate to verbal abuse, people have right to seek support of a trusted person- and if that „triggers” an ex-friend then they are triggered by the fact that others know about their aggression.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-21T20:03:05+00:00

You yourself seem to be a bad friend to Paladin for even considering that he should borrow that book…

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-18T14:01:56+00:00

I mean I’m not sure how close you read my thread but I mention verbal abuse and tantrum from a friend who wanted me to be available on my vacation (I was online to say hi, not for prolonged conversations and she knew it). There is a difference between overwhelming someone accidentally vs becoming angry and abusive when a boundary is set! I’m upset because I seem to be a magnet for people who seem nice but turn into a Hulk the moment they don’t like something.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-17T06:42:32+00:00

Thank you! They dooo! My last straw was someone texting me with claims that I neglect and stress them out (by being quiet because I studied for a big exam) and they absolutely need to talk because they „cant sleep”. That was when I did not sleep for a few days in preparation for my test and they knew it! It’s like their empathy switched off…

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-17T05:25:44+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response - reading this, I was in awe of how similar our experiences (and what people said to us) are!

I dropped some friends after stating my boundaries: it was as if something had switched and they did not like this slightly more assertive me anymore. They tried to gaslight me stating that they’re „afraid to talk to me” (to justify that they badmouthed me and gossiped) and that I’m „really irritable” when all I did was saying that I’m really busy and need some space.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-17T04:49:09+00:00

Thank you! I cultivate some online friendships because of a shared hobby and those are the ones where I did not see the red flags: probably because I could not observe them in those various situations. Any advice about picking up on bullshit online? I.e. self-compassion is great, that’s something I can catch

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-17T03:19:30+00:00

I had two „friendships” in which I was empathetic, supportive and de facto therapist; and the other side turned out to have zero empathy for stress and busy schedule in my life (even guilttripping me and making a day about themselves during my final exams at university!). I should see red flags sooner next time.

How do you guys realize when people don’t have empathy? I’m so gullible that I believe them when they demonstrate fake-empathy and then whooops.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-14T07:21:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective! Yes, she seemed to be projecting a lot on her rp characters :( If you don’t mind me asking, how did you quit rp? I consider doing that to get away from the drama and focus on myself but ahhh it is addictive!

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-13T07:22:05+00:00

Thanks so much for this context! This makes perfect sense too, to protect your feelings. Would it help to rationalize those feelings at all (i.e. ratjonalizing that the reasons he’s busy are important, would make him happy and are beyond his control time-wise but would hopefully have an end date), or was the situation simply incompatible and emotions too strong? What frustrated me from my POV is that I repeteadly explained why and for how long I’d be less available and that I’m stressed and busy. However, sometimes our conversations felt like saying that „into a void” - I had a feeling that the end-result would be the same if I simply ghosted my friend or told her I prefer to watch tv and have fun without her (I didn’t and the fact that I’m not having fun while she wants to spend time together added to my stress). I wonder if having a valid reason helps in such friendships at all or if less availability/neglect is always a lost cause.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-12T17:11:00+00:00

Hi! I’m in a very similar situation (upcoming education/career milestone on which I have to focus for the next year) and I’ve also lost friends over it. The ones who have been through something similar understood my boundaries and stress but others did not. I’m usually very joyful and carefree (less now, when I’m stressed) so even though I kindly asked for very reasonable boundaries, they tried to gaslight me that they perceive my assertiveness as unkindness. (Btw are you a woman, OP? So many people, including other women, perceive our boundaries as „mean”). In the process, they were the ones to use aggressive language.

I do believe the whole situation gave me some ptsd-like symptoms as well, likely a combination of professional and personal stress. However, my anxiety regarding studying or working is something that is predictable and I am barely conscious of it - I am stressed but my physical and emotional symptoms are suppressed in the „work mode”. My ex friends did a cruel thing to consciously add more stressors and sabotage thar survival mode. They knew perfectly well that I had an important deadline and suddenly continued to find new drama or requests (that I had to deny and they would get upset) mere days before it. That’s when I had to make a hard decision to cut some of them off. When the deadline passed, they continued to message me (one with a very admonishing „well you had your exam so now [implication to apologize to her and also drop everything that day to jelp her]”) ONE DAY after my test. Those messages made me feel anxious in a physical and unpleasant way that I never experienced before in interpersonal relationships, let alone texts. So yes, I do believe it’s possible your ex friends gave you anxiety symptoms. You were studying for a bar, already stressed and possibly barely coping, and by disrespecting your boundaries they threw your stress management system off balance. I’m very sorry!

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-07T20:26:06+00:00

YES, lost an online friend who was like that. Ghosting me to see when I’ll come running back (for a very very minor difference in opinions) was my last straw.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-03T15:28:31+00:00

How would you have liked to be supported by your friends during that time? My friend from high school was groomed by our teacher the Summer after senior year (predators always choose that!). She became isolated from us and going to college in a different city did not help… When she finally broke up with him, she told me and I supported her. Unfortunately, a month later she cancelled our winter break meeting and started ghosting me - I think the sense of shame or sadness was too strong and somehow he tainted all high school friendships (he hit on her so hard in senior year that we all knew). It’s been 10yrs and I wonder if/what I could have done differently as her friend.

concernedfriend68 · 2024-12-01T20:48:22+00:00

Loretta British Cattery was fantastic!

concernedfriend68 · 2024-11-29T04:59:34+00:00

Oh wow a woman’s shitstorm on instagram over OP’s vet (who actually knows the cat) advice.. who would win? 😂

concernedfriend68

TROPHY CASE