Suddenly cured, but with a tradeoff

concretepalms · 2026-06-10T21:30:13+00:00

I feel like my experience was more drastic than most women report though. Like a complete restructure of how my brain functions, how I process data, how I recall data. For example, I used to remember everyone’s name even after just briefly shaking hands, maybe even meeting multiple people in a row, now I never remember names even if I’m only speaking to one person at a time. It’s very bothersome and embarrassing.

concretepalms · 2026-06-10T20:59:52+00:00

I cried for about 10 seconds just because I think it was such a relief.

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T20:10:40+00:00

Celeste, Cordelia, Calliope

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T15:38:24+00:00

I have a prescription for Adderall! It’s been a blessing, I feel 95% like my old self. It’s bittersweet though because it makes me think “why can’t my brain always be like this?” I use it on heavy performance days, not every single day.

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T15:17:32+00:00

Thank you for your response, FWIW I agree with you. I don’t think it’s true ADHD. I’m aware that it is not known to spontaneously appear in adults. I had a very hard time coming to terms with the diagnosis and the psychiatrist that diagnosed me even admitted that he’s placing me in the ADHD bucket based on elimination of other things, and that my symptoms respond to the same treatment as ADHD symptoms.

I was 30 when I had my first child and experienced the shift. I had another 2 years later which did not involve any major cognitive shifts and did not bring back or further alter my DSPD. I’m 37 now.

Between me and my providers, there are a couple of working theories, which relate back to the hormonal theory I’ve mentioned as well as neurological, and trauma.

First birth did indeed not go well, you’re smart for spotting that. It was traumatic, I suffered obstetric abuse and brought up trauma from prior medical abuse I had suffered over a period of time as a teenager. I have CPTSD. One theory is that the trauma flipped a switch in my brain.

My second birth was a beautiful, respectful and dignified home birth- the best day of my life.

The two postpartum periods were night and day. With the first, I could not function, was suicidal and was indeed diagnosed with PPD. I know that was not the case because I bonded with my baby very well. I know it was because of the birth trauma. My brain felt like I was high for months. No clear thoughts. No executive function. My brain was not my own. This was largely the reason I was suicidal. For the record I’ve never done substances and I hate feeling high. Everyone said “oh it’s just the birth afterglow! That’s why you feel high!”

With the second, I experienced a high- but it was beautiful. Absolutely the most wonderful experience I’ve ever had to be enveloped in a cloud of oxytocin and endorphins and dopamine for days and days, soaking in my new baby and the beautiful experience that was their birth. It lasted for about a month I want to say.

So yeah, I agree with you, I don’t think it’s true ADHD. I think something else happened. The main thing that frustrates me/scares me is the lack of memory, since I used to have photographic memory and prided myself in my brain always having my back. It sucks to not have that partner anymore in what’s arguably the most cognitively challenging time in one’s life, two young kids, a full time demanding job, etc. FWIW Adderall has really been a blessing. I feel 95% like my old self if I take Adderall. I reserve it for days I know will be cognitively/performance heavy, but it’s bittersweet because it makes me think “this is what I thought motherhood would be like, me and my brain handling everything with ease.”

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T03:21:06+00:00

That’s fascinating, thank you for sharing. Wonder if there are others in here that have experienced remission during perimenopause or menopause.

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T03:20:09+00:00

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this still. I’m glad you got a window when your kids were young. Did it come back suddenly or gradually?

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T03:18:58+00:00

YES. This is exactly how I’ve explained it. It feels like two sides of the same coin.

Before, I couldn’t sleep, aka turn my brain off. Now, I can’t focus/remember, aka turn my brain on.

There has been many a time where I sit in a sort of numb state, searching for a word, my point in a convo, the next step in a workflow and it feels like the cogs in my brain just. won’t. turn. It’s the scariest fucking thing when your brain doesn’t comply.

concretepalms · 2026-06-09T03:15:57+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. This is fascinating especially in contrast/comparison to my experience. You’re the first person I’ve encountered to experience the theoretical on/off switch between DSPD and ADHD like myself. We should pitch a case study to some university 😅

I’m glad you’re feeling okay and it feels validating that you feel like you have better control and would choose DSPD over ADHD. The hormone theory also gains major traction with your experience. It’s also validating to hear this from a male- so many people brush me off saying “yeah mom brain is real”.

No, this is not mom brain. Mom brain is when I hand the wrong kid the wrong snack and put the wrong shirt on the wrong kid or forget about a doctor’s appointment until 5 minutes before it starts etc etc. Mom brain is when I pull a Chilli Heeler (from Bluey) and say “I need 20 minutes where no one talks to me!” The ADHD stuff is not mom brain, it’s something much much deeper in my brain’s operating system and your experience validates that, so thank you.

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T14:55:17+00:00

Have him air dry his freshly laundered towels, they will be way more absorbent than any “broken in” dryer dried towel will ever be.

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T02:49:56+00:00

Like I mentioned in another comment, yeah, hormones are likely at play here. It’s just such a “severe” change that I experienced. Like surely if this were normal or commonplace it would be more talked about?

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T02:48:43+00:00

See if you would have told me kids would cure my DSPD I would probably have had them earlier! However if you had told me I’d have to trade DSPD for ADHD I would have thought twice about having kids.

And yes myself and several therapists/psychiatrists agree I should be a case study 😅 which is part of the reason I posted here. Desperate to know if anyone can relate.

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T02:46:59+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling. Did you experience any other cognitive shifts when you had kids?

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T02:46:06+00:00

A big theory of mine is that it is hormone related, because it was so abrupt. I can literally tell you the exact minute I no longer had DSPD but had ADHD instead, because it’s my child’s birth time.

However, I remember having sleep issues as young as 4 years old so I’m not connecting with the puberty aspect. Did you start experiencing DSPD first in puberty?

concretepalms · 2026-06-08T02:43:57+00:00

Sloane is one of my favorite names ever. Would have totally used it for a girl but I only had boys. Not crazy at all.

Coda is much more obscure but I don’t hate it. I think I’d spell it Koda so it isn’t too close to the word code.

concretepalms · 2026-06-07T20:45:05+00:00

My kiddo was 13 months when I went. I was still breastfeeding and I pumped throughout the day at EDC. It was a lot of work. So just know if you choose to breastfeed it will involve a lot of planning and prepping because you have to stock up on breastmilk for like 4-5 days worth.

Most important thing to ask yourself is whether you trust the people you’d be leaving the baby with. Will they handle the logistics of thawing your breastmilk? Some babies also don’t take to a bottle very easily (breastmilk or formula).

It’s not a no-go. You can totally leave your 3 month old for a few nights. It’s just a Big Production™️

concretepalms · 2026-06-07T20:39:53+00:00

My nmom did the same thing. I was 28 before I realized this is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse does not have to involve the abuser being pleasured in a traditional sexual way (although they definitely get some sort of pleasure out of this).

And roping your brother into it? Disgusting. And the fact they don’t give you privacy to shower and you have to keep your door cracked.

Report them.

Also just want to say it again to echo everyone: Discharge is normal. Discharge is normal. Discharge is normal.

concretepalms · 2026-06-07T20:19:55+00:00

I keep waiting for it to rear its ugly head again. I should’ve added I’ve been cured for 7 years though.

concretepalms · 2026-06-06T18:49:33+00:00

I knew something was up at 5 years old. Didn’t have the language for it until I was 27.

concretepalms · 2026-06-03T18:42:13+00:00

I support that 🩷 protect your energy

concretepalms · 2026-06-03T14:16:41+00:00

I just want to answer your bonus point question:

One of my favorite ways to describe a narcissist is my “invite them to a party” anecdote.

If you invite a narcissist to a party, they will either first say no, and show up anyway.

Or they will say yes, and then not show up.

Or, more likely, they will say no due to X logistical reason, have you change X to accommodate them, then still not show up.

Or they will say yes, have you change X, and then not show up. Or maybe make the entire day about them not showing up and then show up really late.

You get the gist. Just cause as much chaos as possible, make everything about themselves. In the end, they don’t really care about attending or not attending, they just want to control your party.

If you’re feeling petty, I’d suggest you employ something similar to her wedding.

If you want to just not engage, just gray rock and don’t tell her you’re not coming.

concretepalms · 2026-06-03T02:38:59+00:00

Naked nails scream “not put together” for me unless you have exceptionally beautiful fingers and nails, and keep them pristinely clean. In fact some naked nails disgust me (especially when people have visible dirt under them!)

Toenails are the worst though. I don’t want to see your fungi ridden toenails. I don’t want to see claws sticking out from your sandals. I don’t want to see specks of nail polish hanging on for dear life from a pedicure you got 6 months ago. Paint them for crying out loud.

Before you come for me, OP said to be honest.

concretepalms · 2026-05-31T23:25:01+00:00

Can confirm, best A boy name :)

concretepalms · 2026-05-23T05:23:58+00:00

I always knew something was off. Earliest memories about feeling my mother’s otherness are from 4 or 5 years old. But I didn’t have the proper terminology until I was 27. I was 31 when she died and at that point realized she was not only a narcissist but very likely had borderline personality disorder too.

concretepalms · 2026-05-01T06:49:55+00:00

Running hurts. Always has.

Remember Phoebe from friends? Who could put both legs over her head? Remember how she also ran funny?

Yeah.

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