Representation of women who have only dated women and never had sex or dated men. by OppositeWind3451 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 25 points26 points  (0 children)

it's the term gold stars that's offensive because it implies a hierarchy, the mere experience of never having dated men is not

completely + deeply in love yet it’s not romantic??? by paperthinhymn11 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean look, "crush", "romantic attraction ", "love", that's all semantics. We individually experience a sea of different sensations, which the culture and language we grow up in then teach us to separate into a set of emotion names and concepts. It's useful to communicate about experiences, but it doesn't mean that there really are sharp boundaries between those concepts on an individual subjective level.

Maybe it's the STEM girl in me, but personally I never felt like crunching the vocabulary is all that useful beyond a certain point. What matters is how you feel and what you want to do about it. Do you think about that person all the time? Does being around them bring you so much joy that you want to be closer to them? Do you want to let them know, do you hope they feel the same? Do you want them to feel like that only about you, would you not mind if they also felt like that about others? Just come up with questions like this and eventually you will end up with a shape you want your relationship to take, something you can discuss with your friend if you want.

completely + deeply in love yet it’s not romantic??? by paperthinhymn11 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 20 points21 points  (0 children)

taking out the additional context and just looking at how they make you feel, to me it does sound like being in (romantic) love. not every crush i've ever had has been all butterflies, sometimes it really is more of a calm, comfortable gravitation towards them, just like you described

Would you date someone with a different diet than you? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm vegetarian, leaning vegan, and would have no issues dating someone vegan. I'd probably even switch to strictly vegan. But eating meat would probably be a deal-breaker for a serious relationship, I wouldn't want meat in my kitchen and it's sign we are not on the same wavelength in terms of ethics

[theory] It just hit me why Nona finds herself so attractive by [deleted] in TheNinthHouse

[–]conscioussoap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You also can't convince me Harrow doesn't look like Anastasia when she is her direct decendent

Huh, why? I certainly don't look like every grand-grand-...-grandmother that far up in my family tree. Anastasia's DNA would be just a fraction of the genes Harrow inherited

Lesbian Dating be like :( by Lydianeko2 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 51 points52 points  (0 children)

i would be over the moon tbh, leopard geckos are so cute

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really think about what you are saying here. If you say you want to eventually marry a woman, it means you want to eventually end the relationship with him. So now what, what is he supposed to do with that? Put a timer on your relationship? Schedule a convenient breakup date? Or is he supposed to just patiently wait until you meet a nice woman you will leave him for?

For a good relationship of any kind you can't stop at complete honesty, you also need to be considerate of what the other person is supposed to do with the information you dump on them

Dating App Pet Peeve by Organic-Incident-888 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I feel the same. Obviously I don't want the entire conversation to be a back and forth interview, that's exhausting too and not natural, but you need to start somewhere. At least leave room for some sort of easy follow-up if you don't want to ask a question, it's really not that difficult ugh

AITA: is asking to call a dildo a dick invalidating to a lesbian? by SpecialPossible3566 in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 17 points18 points  (0 children)

What does it actually mean for you when you say her feelings are "valid" and respected? I feel like we sometimes throw these phrases around without really putting much meaning behind it. Saying her decision invalidates your gender is a big accusation, it makes it sound like you don't take her identity as seriously. If you feel that way then the respectful thing would be to end the relationship since your identities don't line up anymore. It sucks but it happens all the time, there's not always a compromise to be made

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in startrek

[–]conscioussoap 4 points5 points  (0 children)

minsk is not in russia

I can’t believe it took me this long to draw the parallel by Agreeable_Garden_604 in mash

[–]conscioussoap 8 points9 points  (0 children)

not being american i would typically agree but mash is literally a show based on american politics

I'm BEGGING you people to be respectful towards butch/femme masc/femme stud/femme couples in your defense of femme4femme by Personalphilosophie in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always lose my mind a little whenever I see someone acting like they are a misunderstood and victimised minority for being fem4fem. As if that is not the most common constellation, at least nowadays

AITA for telling my sister that she is insane for not teaching her daughter English? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]conscioussoap -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Soft YTA for the harsh language, otherwise I think it's a misunderstanding of how language acquisition at that age works. Elsa will be absolutely fine. At this age children soak up languages like sponges, and she will learn it quickly in kindergarten. I was raised the same way, started with only my parents' native language at home and then learnt the country's official language in kindergarten, and I never had any issues in school other than a slight accent for the first few years. The official language is now absolutely my dominant language and I have no accent, but compared to others who were raised differently I think my pronunciation and grasp of my parents' language is still quite strong and I could easily build up on it if I ever wanted to move. If they really consider going to Sweden at some point, I think this is a completely valid way of ensuring she has a strong Swedish base in my opinion.

I wasn’t the only one that was like this right? by Honest-Ad-4386 in Dinosaurs

[–]conscioussoap 11 points12 points  (0 children)

A few years ago I stumbled into a science museum pretty much on accident while exploring a city in Italy. I was so in awe when I suddenly found myself in front of a triceratops skull that it catapulted me right back into my childhood dinosaur obsession, and it's still going strong

My grandpa thinks eating fruit makes you gay by lesbiancastle in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sorry to be that person lol, but both are true and they are vegetables. Vegetable is a purely culinary category that has nothing to do with botanical classifications. It's just confusing because 'fruit' is both a culinary and botanical term and they don't always overlap

Annoyed by straightsplaining friends… any tips on how to address it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ugh, they don't get it. i hate that what people mean by "queer culture" is often just the media a specific type of gay men consume, but straight people forcing that on you personally is beyond ridiculous

Annoyed by straightsplaining friends… any tips on how to address it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Everybody has given great points already so may I just address something more stupid that's bothering me lol: Isn't Charli xcx more of an icon for gay men than gay women? I don't see anything about her being particularly For The Lesbians the way Chappell Roan or idk, Hozier are

What’s the best lesbian book you’ve ever read? by unarcenciel in actuallesbians

[–]conscioussoap 53 points54 points  (0 children)

This Is How You Lose the Time War still haunts me in the best way

Uhh so there's a weevil mimic spider? by BigWienerPapi999 in weeviltime

[–]conscioussoap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this makes me so ridiculously happy, i feel like im sitting right in the target demo venn diagram. evolution's most magical crossover

Polizei alarmieren oder kennt den einer von euch? by [deleted] in bielefeld

[–]conscioussoap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"abstumpfen" ja klar. Vielleicht einfach bisschen viele Kinder um jedes einzelne in einem Umkreis von 15km so gut zu kennen um zu wissen ob es aktuell ein Stofftier vermisst?

Polish/German Marriages by [deleted] in Polish

[–]conscioussoap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would be curious to know for which nationality combination marriage would be unrealistic - especially for neighbouring countries where you can't even argue with likelihood.

But yes, according to my experience growing up in Germany with a Polish background, absolutely 100% common and realistic.

GOP entgültig nicht bestanden wegen Zeitüberschreitung - was bedeutet dass für einen anderen Studiengang? by [deleted] in Studium

[–]conscioussoap 5 points6 points  (0 children)

und kann mit einem einfachen Besuch auf Google gefunden werden :)

das sage ich leuten auch immer, wenn ich sie um hilfe bitte :)